Evangelize

Answer: Loneliness is a painful, but common, part of life. A recent study published by pharmaceutical giant Cigna found that 46% of Americans feel “sometimes or always” lonely, and the highest rate of loneliness is in young people (ages 18-22). So, if you are lonely, know that you are not alone! (Pun intended).

All of us, at times, feel loneliness. As a priest, there are certainly times when I feel the ache. For me, Sunday afternoon is when I feel loneliest. The Sunday morning Masses are always imbued with such joyful encounters with devout, lively parishioners, but when they all go home to be with their families, I return to an empty rectory.

But when that happens, I try to turn my loneliness into solitude. What’s the difference? Loneliness is the pain of lacking connection with other human beings. Solitude is the peace of being intimately connected to the Lord. As painful as it may be, loneliness can be an invitation into a deeper intimacy with the Lord. When we feel that ache, that longing for human contact, we can readily invite the Lord in to fill that emptiness. He is our closest Friend; He is the Lover of our souls.

And He knows what it is like to be lonely! During His Passion, almost all of His friends abandoned Him, causing immense pain to His Sacred Heart. We can share our loneliness with Him.

But, at the same time, “it is not good for man to be alone!” (Genesis 2:18). Thankfully, we are part of a larger community: the Body of Christ, the Church. We are surrounded by our Church family at all times—not just the earthly community of believers, but the angels and Saints (“The Church Triumphant”). Their lives can inspire and comfort us. There are many Saints who I feel personal connected to: St. John Bosco, St. Pancras, Mother Teresa. They are my friends, although at this time our friendship is on the level of “pen pals”. When I petition their intercession, they reciprocate with insights as they pray for me! But some day, I hope to meet them face-to-face and enjoy their company forever.

When we pray for the Holy Souls in Purgatory (“The Church Suffering”), we also connect to our loved ones who have gone before us, and those who have no-one to remember and pray for them because they suffered loneliness on earth. By offering up the pain of our loneliness for them and entreating their prayers in return, we transform our misery into merit.

In addition to our heavenly friends, “The Church Militant” (members of the Church here on earth) should also provide a community for us. Get involved in your church and you will meet inspiring, friendly people. Perhaps there is a Bible study to join. You could participate in a group for people in your stage of life (or start a group if there isn’t one). Maybe you could find friends by helping others with the Knights of Columbus, St. Vincent de Paul, Care and Concern or another service-oriented group. Sometimes we have to look outside our own parish.

Are there other Catholic churches in your town with vibrant activities and a community more relatable to you? I have been in some parishes where the community atmosphere is warm and loving, and other places where it was lacking. One particular parish, where I was assigned, was a place of very little community. Parishioners would come to Mass and leave immediately. So, in search of a community, I began to volunteer at a local Catholic school where I met some wonderful families who are still my friends today. I guarantee the community is “out there”, if we only have the courage to look!

For those who are homebound, connections can be forged in other ways. Perhaps begin writing letters to Catholic prisoners who need support and encouragement. We could always pick up the phone and initiate the contact with family members or old friends. Sometimes just sending an unexpected thank-you card can re-establish or deepen a friendship.

Although loneliness can be the catalyst which activates a deeper relationship with God, He also desires that we live in fellowship with others, supporting each other. We are made to show our love for God by developing a community of family and friends to love and care for. Seek them out—and you will find them.

Have you ever felt lost, alone, unsure of who you are, why you are here or what God’s plan is for your life? As a well-known model, actress and TV host, it looked like Joelle Maryn had it all, until she hit a spiritual rock bottom during a dream come true trip to Hollywood. Read on to know how she took a drastic return to Christ!

When I was 6 years old, my family was devastated by a terrible tragedy. Just a week before Christmas, somebody forgot to blow out the candles on the Advent wreath and it caught fire. The real Christmas tree next to it went up in flames, followed by the whole house. I barely made it out while my father tried to save my 11 year old sister, Maria. Unfortunately, he could not get to her in time.

Lifeline Cut Off

As we all grieved her death and the loss of everything we owned, people generously gave us things to help us. I was thrilled to receive many beautiful dolls, but my prized possession was a doll belonging to my sister that had somehow survived the inferno with burn marks and a curious smell. I was a prayerful little girl and knew that the Bible said Jesus could raise the dead. So, l laid all these dolls on my bed, in the shape of my sister, and prayed, “God, I will give you everything I have, if you can just give me back my sister”. I waited for God to respond but nothing happened. Still hopeful and firmly believing that God could bring her back to me, I prayed again without result. I persisted in prayer, with the addition of a couple of magic words, but when nothing happened, doubt entered my heart. “Maybe God doesn’t love me”. If He truly knew the trauma my entire family was feeling, He would bring her back. I think that’s the moment I decided to cut my phone line to God and stopped praying.

Glittering in the Limelight

Since my mother had a theatre company, I started acting so I could be with her. When I took on a role, I would get so involved in the character that I would completely forget who I was. Sometimes, I would hide myself in this ideal, perfect life where I could pretend that everything was okay.

As I grew up, it seemed like the illusion was becoming a reality. I was modelling across the nation for Jergens and Target; on a billboard in Times Square; acting in independent films; featuring on book covers and hosting a TV show. I started a cosmetic company which was popular with celebrities and featured in magazines. I owned three houses. It looked like I had it all. But no matter what I achieved, or how much I possessed, nothing seemed to satisfy me. I was always reaching for the one more thing I needed to be happy.

High on a Hollywood rooftop for a glamorous photo shoot, I seemed to have reached the pinnacle of my life as I posed in my $4000 dress, with the sun hitting me just right but all I felt inside was so much emptiness. I had no idea who I was or why I was here. I had completely lost my own identity. I was certainly far from Christ.

Column of Love

I spent that night weeping on the shower floor of the fancy hotel room, praying for the first time in many years. “Lord, I need you. I don’t have this anymore”. That fervent prayer for help opened my heart for grace to rush in. My whole life flashed before my eyes, highlighting every sin I had ever committed. It was excruciating to see the effects of my bad example—for those who followed me, who followed them and so on.

It hurt to see how much I had failed to love. I was shown two columns. The good column contained all my acts of love—how I had used the gifts and graces that God gave me to build His kingdom. That column was nearly empty, but I saw that column weighed more. Why did the good column weigh more than the worst sin? I did not even know the scripture at that time, “Love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8).

If we are filling up our good column, being the person God created us to be and loving one another, then we are not sinning. God did not show me this to condemn me, but as an act of mercy. I did not deserve this grace, God gave it to me because I was so far lost, but it comes with a responsibility— to share His message with others. There is nothing that we have ever done that could ever separate us from the love of God, nothing so bad that He cannot take us back. If God can help and save me, He can help and save anyone.

After this experience, I changed my life. I read the whole Bible in just 2 months. I was so excited to hear the truth. When I reached the part where Jesus gets lost in The Temple, I said, “Lord where this temple is? I want to find your temple”. Then, the Catholic Church came to my mind, so I started going to daily Mass. I felt that I was home. Although I did not realize the necessity for Reconciliation, before receiving Communion, especially if you have committed mortal sin, God started to convict my heart. I had not been to Confession since my grandmother pushed me there when I was in College. That was a great act of love. We need strong people in our lives to encourage us—to tell us, it is time.

After confessing, I felt a lot better but the priest warned me, “If the enemy whispers that you are not forgiven, ignore him and just believe that you are.” He was right. I was attacked. “That seemed too easy. How could Jesus forgive my sin just like that?” I still felt this darkness covering me, but I made an act of faith that I was forgiven. So I decided to confess again the next week after fasting and praying. When I related all this in Confession, Father recommended prayer in the Adoration Chapel. I did not know what it was, but I researched it at home. When I discovered that the Blessed Sacrament was the true presence of Jesus and sought Him in the chapel, I felt like the whole room stood still.

Burned Again

I wanted to rebuild who I was and discover my purpose. Persistently in Adoration I would ask, “Lord who do you say I am? Who am I in your eyes? What do you see when you look at me? Why am I here?” A big, booming voice did not come out of the sky, but thoughts started coming. “You are loved. You are mine. You are my child”. If we spend time in silence, we will be surprised by how God constantly communicates with us.

In Adoration one day, I asked Jesus to reveal all the lies in my heart which stood in the way of knowing myself as a loved child of God. When I started writing, I could not believe how many there were—nearly 80! I also realized that the only way to Joy was doing God’s will. Surrender was so difficult at first. God wants us to constantly let go of things that do not lead to him. It felt like my life was burned down to the ground again, but there is something so healing, when darkness is brought into the light of Christ.

I want to shine like the star that led the wise ones to Christ. I may be a different kind of star now, but I have no regrets. I am a daughter of the king. There is a purpose for my life that I am burning to share with others. We are all called to be stars that draw others along the right path guided by the fire burning within us. Now is not the time to be lukewarm. We are called to be on fire with our faith, not hiding our lamps, but letting them shine brightly with His Light through the darkness.

We are called to be Eucharistic, called to be bread for others. The sense of community when I came back to the Catholic Church was huge for me. We do not need to suffer alone. How do we become His Light in this dark world? We are created for communion with each other, united by our love for Christ. The love of Christ makes us Eucharistic. Jesus became bread for us. He is the living bread which comes down from Heaven.

With all that is going on in the world, it can seem that the fires we are fighting are too big for us to survive, but if we share His living water these flames cannot destroy us, He will carry us through the flames. If we are living in misery it is because we are not connected to God. We need to get vulnerable. We need to get down on our knees and tell God, “I don’t have this”. That’s what humility is.

One fire nearly took my life, but another fire saved it. It felt impossible to start again, but with God all things are possible. He welcomed me home and gave me a new identity, rooted in His eternal love. Today, I teach the certification classes on the ‘Catechesis of Human love’ for the diocese of Austin. I find it redemptive in so many ways because I have finally learned what love is. Now, I know that God loves me. I know how to bring that love to other people, so that they can share the Good News. I have given up unhealthy relationships that led me away from Christ and now I have joy in my heart that does not depend on what I look like, or what I possess.

“Look. Look at the wounds. Enter into the wounds. By those wounds we were healed. Do you feel bitter and sad, or feel life just isn’t going the right way or you’re ill? Look there. In silence.”

With these words Pope Francis tells us how we can be restored through Jesus’ five Holy wounds—His pierced hands, feet and side. Many Catholics are familiar with the devotion to these five wounds. But have you heard of the sixth wound of Jesus?

In the 12th century a French Abbott and mystic, Saint Bernard of Clairvaux, asked Jesus what was His greatest unrecorded suffering and the Lord answered: “I had, a grievous wound on My shoulder while I bore My Cross on the Way of Sorrows, that was more painful than the others, and is not recorded by men.”

In the 20th century, another saint confirmed this sixth wound: Saint Pio of Pietrelcina. Popularly known as a living saint, for more than 50 years he bore the wounds of Christ on his body. Padre Pio once had an interesting conversation with Karol Wojtyla, the future Saint Pope John Paul II, wherein Father Wojtyla asked which wound of his stigmata caused him the most pain, expecting Padre Pio to say it was the wound in his chest. Instead Padre Pio replied, “It is my shoulder wound, which no one knows about and has never been cured or treated.”

After the death of Padre Pio, Brother Modestino who was assigned the task of taking an inventory of all the saint’s belongings, discovered that one of Padre Pio’s undershirts bore a circle of bloodstains in the area of the right shoulder. On that very evening, Brother Modestino asked Padre Pio in prayer to enlighten him about the meaning of the bloodstained undershirt. He asked for a sign that Pio truly bore Christ’s shoulder wound. Brother Modestino woke up in the middle of that night with an excruciating pain in his shoulder, as if he had been sliced with a knife up to the shoulder bone. He felt that he would die from the pain if it continued, but it lasted only a short time. Then the room was filled with the aroma of a heavenly perfume —the sign of Padre Pio’s spiritual presence—and he heard a voice saying, “This is what I had to suffer!”

Consider this: Jesus allowed his feet to be pinned to the cross. He willingly surrendered his hands. And he allowed his side to be ripped open. But his shoulder that carried the crushing weight of the cross, that bruised and bloody shoulder which, according to John’s gospel, bore the weight of our sins without any help or relief, that shoulder remained available throughout his agony.

And today it is still available, to us and to all who need His consolation.

So, “Look there. In silence,” as Pope Francis suggests. Look and listen to the voice of Jesus inviting you to lean upon His shoulder and rest your head there and feel the love that enabled him to endure the excruciating pain from all the terrible wounds for the sake of us all.

To foster devotion to the Shoulder Wound of Christ, Saint Bernard of Clairvaux penned this prayer to the Shoulder Wound of Christ:

Most loving Jesus, meek Lamb of God,

I, a miserable sinner, salute and worship

the most Sacred Wound of Your shoulder, on which You bore

Your heavy Cross which so tore Your Flesh and laid bare

Your Bones so as to inflict on You an anguish greater than

any other wound. I adore You, O Jesus most sorrowful;

I praise and glorify You, and give You thanks for this most sacred

and painful Wound, beseeching You by that exceeding pain,

and by the crushing burden of Your heavy Cross,

to be merciful to me, a sinner, to forgive me

all my mortal and venial sins, and to lead me on

towards heaven along the Way of Your cross. Amen..

Did you know that worrying works? 90% of the things you worry about never happen!

Before You Choke

The last time I saw my father alive, we were talking in his hospital room. He had been fighting cancer for many months and was nearing the end of the battle. Having led many Bible studies and given many talks in his life, he told me, “If God gives me one more opportunity to teach about His Word, I’m going to talk about what I call the 11th Commandment—’Thou Shalt not Worry.’” This was a favorite theme of Dad’s. He was a man of great faith and trust in the Lord, who loved to teach people about how to gain victory over worrying by trusting in God’s providence.

Well, the Lord called Dad home six weeks later, so he never gave that final talk, but I would like to share the gist of it here.

In the short passage from Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus tells us three times, “Do not worry.” He tells us not to worry about our life, nor about what we will eat or drink, nor about our body, what we will wear. “Indeed, your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things,” Jesus assures us.

Worry shows a lack of trust in God. However, worry is so much a part of our culture and society that we look on it as normal.

We think a woman is just being a good mother when she worries about her children. Or a person is a good business owner when he or she worries about their company or work. We do not see worry as disobedience. But it is.

The word “worry” comes from an old English term “wyrgan” which means to “choke” or “strangle.” That is what worry does to our faith. It chokes or strangles it. We begin by praying for someone—a child, a sick relative, a troubled marriage—and before we know it, we are distracted with worries, then fear grips us and our faith gets choked.

It is hard to pray or even think clearly when we are worried. If you have ever seen a garden overgrown with weeds, you’ve seen how those weeds strangle any flowers or vegetables that are trying to grow alongside them.

Stop Worrying

So how do we stop our tendency to worry? There are two good places to start attacking the bad habit of worrying.

First, plant the Word of God in your heart. Learn God’s promises and write them down. Read them again and again until the Word of God takes deep root in your soul. Philippians 4:6-7 is a good place to start: “Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

Second, go before the Blessed Sacrament. Bring your troubles before the Lord and lay them at His feet. Admit your inability to fix things and ask Jesus to take over. A wise and holy man once told me, “People’s troubles often melt away when they are in Adoration in front of the Blessed Sacrament. They don’t know how or why, but their troubles start getting taken care of when they Adore the Lord in the Eucharist.”

It’s All Going to Be Fine

A few months after Dad died, something occurred that made a deep impression on me and reminded me of his teaching about worry.

He had been a loyal Boston Red Sox fan for many years. During the 2003 baseball playoffs – the last ones he watched – the Red Sox lost to their arch-rivals, the New York Yankees, despite seeming to have a good chance of making it to the World Series. It was a bitter defeat for all Red Sox fans, including my dad.

A few months later, right before Dad died, my younger sister, also a huge Red Sox fan, told him, “Dad, when you get to Heaven, make sure the Red Sox will beat the Yankees this year!” He smiled.

After he died in 2004, we watched the Yankees and the Red Sox face each other again in the playoffs. I am not a sports fan, but I was following this season of baseball in memory of Dad. With great confidence, I told my friends who were loyal Red Sox fans, “The Red Sox are going to win this year.”

Then they proceeded to lose the first 3 games in a row! Things did not look good.

After that third loss, I was walking on the ranch where I live,; feeling sad, missing my dad and disappointed that his team was losing. One of my friends was upset at me for falsely getting his hopes up. As I was reflecting on all of this, I suddenly had a mental picture of my dad smiling widely and reassuringly, as he declared, “Ell, why are you worried? It’s all going to be fine.” I had heard Dad say words to that effect to Mom hundreds, if not thousands, of times, growing up. She was the worrier, but no matter how bleak things looked, my dad would counsel her not to worry, that God was going to work everything out. And time and time again, God came through in surprising ways.

Shockingly, the Red Sox went on to win the next four playoff games in a row—something that had never happened before in baseball history. Not only did they beat the Yankees, but they went on to win the World Series in a four-game sweep, ending the 86-year-drought since their last World Series win in 1918.

Through this relatively unimportant sports victory, I knew Dad was focusing me on something much bigger. He was reminding me of his favorite theme: Do not worry! Trust in God. Things are going to work out…even when it seems impossible.

Life brings problems — big and small. But no matter what problems you are facing right now— financial difficulties, health issues, stressful relationships—remember that your Heavenly Father knows what you need and delights in taking care of you. Leave the worrying aside and give Him room to work. “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7).

Did God the Father possibly desire the death of His Son in order to draw good out of it?

Ally of the Virus!

While he was painting frescoes in Saint Paul’s Cathedral in London, the artist, James Thornhill became so excited about his fresco that he stepped back to see it better, unaware that he was about to fall over the edge of the scaffolding. His horrified assistant understood that crying out to him would only hasten the disaster. Without thinking twice, he dipped a brush in paint and hurled it at the middle of the fresco. Appalled, the master sprang forward. His work was damaged, but his life was saved.

God does this with us sometimes. He disrupts our peace and our projects to save us from the abyss in front of us. But we need to be careful not to be deceived. God is not the one who hurled the brush at the sparkling fresco of our technological society. God is our ally, not the ally of the virus! He himself says in the Bible, “I have…plans for your welfare and not for woe” (Jeremiah 29:11). If these scourges were punishments from God, they would not strike the good and the bad equally. Nor would the poor suffer the worst consequences. Are they worst sinners? No!

Jesus, the one who wept after the death of His friend, Lazarus, grieves with us today for the scourge that has befallen humanity. Yes, God “suffers”, like every parent when their child is afflicted. When we learn this one day, we will be ashamed of all the accusations we made against Him in life. God participates in our pain to overcome it. “Being supremely good”— wrote Saint Augustine—“God would not allow any evil in His works, unless in his omnipotence and goodness, he is able to bring forth good out of evil.”

Unfettered Freedom

Did God the Father possibly desire the death of His Son in order to draw good out of it? No, he simply permitted human freedom to take its course. However, He made it serve a greater purpose for the benefit of all human beings. This is also the case for natural disasters like earthquakes and plagues. He does not bring them about. He has given nature a kind of freedom as well, qualitatively different than that of human beings, but still a form of freedom. He did not create a world as a programmed clock whose movements could all be anticipated. It is what some call “chance” but the Bible calls instead “the wisdom of God.”

Does God perhaps like to be petitioned so that He can grant His benefits? Can our prayer perhaps make God change his plans? No, but there are things that God has decided to grant us as the fruit of both His grace and our prayer. It is as if He shares with His creatures the credit for the benefit received. God is the one who prompts us to do it: “Seek and you will find,” Jesus said; “knock and the door will be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7).

When the Israelites were bitten by poisonous serpents in the desert, God commanded Moses to lift up a serpent of bronze on a pole. Whoever looked at it would not die. Jesus appropriated this symbol to Himself when he told Nicodemus, “Just as Moses lifted up the serpent in the desert, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, so that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life” (John 3:14-15). At this moment, we have also been bitten by an invisible, poisonous “serpent.” Let us gaze upon the one who was “lifted up” for us on the Cross. Let us adore Him on behalf of ourselves and of the whole human race. The one who looks on Him with faith does not die. And eternal life is promised to the person of faith when death does come.

Suppose a street skier approaches head-on while you are driving up a lane; you veer close to a parked car and lo! You hear the sound of scraping…what would you do?

Sometimes, perpetual winter devours springtime in my state. That year, as late as mid-March, continuing snowfalls were forcing ploughs to dump the excess in the street parking areas. This left parked vehicles encroaching deeply into the narrowed road space, however closely they snuggled to the buried curbs. And it funnelled two-way traffic on my street into a miserable, single lane.

As I inched precariously up that lane, it happened. An apparition loomed before me. Pumping his poles and grinning euphorically, a street-skier was accelerating toward me headon. Something had to give, and now. I veered my sedan close to a parked black SUV. Too close. At the nerve-rending screech as the cars scraped against each other, I cringed. On my left, the skier sailed past obliviously, face agleam with unbroken bliss. When a hasty scan around me revealed no witnesses, I drove off. Yes, I bolted from the scene.

No witnesses in sight—I got away! Relief mixed with fury at that jerk. Endangering all in his path…What an idiot…numbskull…total knucklehead. Look what he “made” me do—turned me into a hit and run driver. In the midst of my name-calling and blaming, a tinge of guilt bubbled up. My conscience was trying its best, nudging me to face another part of the story—my part. Was not I the one who had hit the SUV? Was not I the one who had fled the scene? But I ignored all that. Blaming and name-calling were more enjoyable.

Pricking of the Conscience

However, day after day, my misery grew. Because of my home’s proximity, I had to drive right past that wretched scene daily, sometimes several times. Past that ominous, black SUV, parked always in the same spot. The sight of it haunted me, until one day, I suddenly felt compelled to eyeball the thing close-up. With faked nonchalance, I strolled past slowly. My heart sank. Etched into the black paint along the entire length of the driver’s side was a thin white line. A scratch carved, undoubtedly, by the passenger-side mirror of my white sedan.

My mind went into a tail-spin. That’s nothing…A dab of paint will touch it up fine…Body work costs a ton…It will drain me…That owner has money, driving that rig…I am not shelling out a cent to fix that sucker…

Then, my thoughts shifted. What if the driver is young, someone who had borrowed that SUV?…A single parent? Paid minimum wage at the day care on that corner? Someone with no means to cover this damage, with no answers for the angry owner?

For some reason, this scenario hooked me. Imaginary though it was, this picture of a struggling, suffering young adult touched my heart. It also broadened my perspective. For the first time since the accident, I was actually considering someone besides myself. I was concerned that my action could be hurting someone else and wondered how I could make amends.

Attack from Sleep Invaders

Still, I was stuck, obsessed and stewing. I convinced myself that the victim—once he knew I was the guilty party—would try to rip me off with exaggerated damage estimates; or show up at my front door to threaten me. I was a wreck. Growing anxieties and fears invaded my sleep at night. Finally, I knew what I had to do. I had to go to Confession.

I poured out everything. Father was very kind but firm. When I left the Confessional, I was still afraid and anxious, but I was no longer stuck. At last I was determined to take action.

I jotted this note, including my contact information: I’m the driver who left the white scrape on your door a couple of weeks ago. To contact me about repairs, please call. But when I went to place it on the SUV’s windshield, my life did another extraordinary flip: no SUV. That’s right. For the first time in over three weeks, the black SUV was not in its customary spot. It was nowhere to be seen later that day, the next, or the day following. To date, never once since I wrote that note, have I laid eyes on it again.

What can I say? I think God gave me a huge break! Even though I ignored my conscience for a long time and did things my way, once I finally made my Confession, the Lord blessed me with the first peace of mind I had had in weeks. And, He gave me courage and resolve to do what I needed to do. I guess God in His mercy was satisfied with my note. He knew I intended to make things right. In any case, though I did not deserve it, He allowed that SUV to literally vanish from my life without a trace!

We all get derailed at times by the ‘nitwit skiers’ of this world and we all accidentally cause injuries when we do not mean to. However, I do not have to make things worse. The next time a ‘street-skier’ comes barrelling at me, or the next time I have an accident, I do not need to exacerbate matters by running away. I will be the knucklehead if I fail to check in with God, talk to Him about what is going on, and allow Him to be part of the resolution. I will be the numbskull if I forget that God’s remedies are always so much better than my own.

Feeling incomplete? God loves you completely.
Are you imperfect? God loves you perfectly.

Do it God’s Way

I like to think of myself as a devout Catholic, obedient to God’s laws and will. Yet I know that I am not just falling short. In some important respects I am utterly failing. It is extremely difficult for me to show love to people who have hurt me deeply. Although I have tried to forgive certain people over and over again—it feels like many more than 70 times 7—at heart I am never convinced by my attempts at love or forgiveness.

Jesus directed us to love our neighbors as ourselves. He did not only mean the people who live next door, but everyone with whom we come in contact—even those who maltreat us or are incapable of loving us, those who do not feel the need to ask for forgiveness…or those who cannot bring themselves to grant it. I understand why Jesus asks us to love, but in some specific cases, it feels impossible. However, this life is not just about me and what I want. Jesus never promised an easy or fair life; He promised that He would never abandon us.

Sometimes, it feels easier to just wallow in our own misery, or more satisfying to point the finger at others, but If we want Christ to smile upon us and say, “Well done good and faithful servants”, we have to obey Him. It is not good enough to merely go through the motions. I have tried that. Insincerity is obvious. So, I know I have to let go of my way of trying to remedy things and do it God’s way.

Does it Hurt to Love?

God loved us so much that He became one of us, suffered with us and laid down His life for us. That is the ultimate example. Because He loves us unconditionally, He asks us to do the same for others. We will always have our safe inner circle of loved ones, but to call ourselves Christians, we need to demand more of ourselves. We cannot profess to be Catholics and go down the grocery aisle picking and choosing which of God’s laws we prefer to follow. Catholicism does not work that way. We are required to follow all of God’s precepts. Being obedient means becoming vulnerable—which is extremely humbling… and exactly what we should be.

I have discovered that the only way to break down my ‘love’ barrier and give the best version of myself is to allow God to love me first. But I am a sinner. Human. Full of faults, insecurities, and worldly weaknesses. Some days I feel too wounded, angry, numb, or stained. Could God, who created the universe, love someone like me? He does, and He is relentless about it. He loves me because I am weak.

But it is one thing saying I want God’s love, and another thing to actually feel it. A big step forward is surrendering my heart and letting go of all my hurt and pride. That is very daunting, but as Saint Teresa of Calcutta once said, “To be real, love must cost. It must hurt. It must empty us of self.”

Letting God Do His Thing

If we continue to hide our vulnerabilities, then we distance ourselves from God and the purpose He has for our lives. For God’s love to work in us, we must trust Him totally. He already knows us better than we know ourselves. Sit quietly before the altar, or in a private space and let it all come out—the pain, the shame, the weaknesses. Then refill that gaping emptiness with the powerful, restorative ardour of the Holy Spirit.

Allowing the Holy Spirit in to heal our hearts, releases the love and peace we have been fruitlessly pursuing. The key to full healing and transformation is through a personal relationship with all 3 members of the Holy Trinity. Healthy relationships are not one-sided, nor are they mere transactions. They require effort and communication.

How can this be achieved? Regular reception of the Sacraments, prayer, Scripture reading, praise and worship, meditation and listening are the key. The more time we spend with God, the more receptive we are to understand when He speaks to our hearts—and the more we want to do His will.

Remember, even if we are transformed by God’s love, those with whom we struggle may continue to reject us. But that is okay. Let God work in them. We can do our part by starting small. Pray for them. Keep offering the situation to God. Let God’s transforming light shine through us to inspire others. When we love someone deeply, we do not mind going the extra mile. So, go the extra mile for Christ. Our little sacrifices and our attempts to share His love are beautiful starting points for God to enter our daily drama and take care of the rest.

To God we are worth it—stains and all. We do not always deserve something as powerful as His love, but He believes we do. How beautiful it would be if we could accept His grace to find little ways to pass it on.

Dear God, fill our hearts with the fire of your unceasing love, that we may go beyond the imperfections and hurt feelings. We surrender all our desires and vulnerabilities to seek your unconditional love in every area of our lives. Transform our hearts to radiate the light of your love to all those around us. Amen.

I remember my Mom crying desperately over my Dad’s shoulder and all my relatives, friends and even total strangers weeping and praying for me. As I lay in the operation room, hearing the doctors whispering frantically to one another as if there was no hope, I closed my eyes and prayed that I might live for one more day.

D-Day

In 2007, when I was in the fourth grade, my uncle bought a new PC and I looked forward every day to being able to play games on it. One afternoon, I ran from school to the first-floor apartment where I lived with my parents and little brother. I tossed my school bag, changed my clothes, and ran like a flash of light to play on the computer. Meanwhile, my Grandma was walking down the hallway carrying a big pot full of boiling water.

As I came running at full speed, I saw my Granny coming toward me. She cried out, trying to warn me, but not recognizing the danger, I kept running to give her a hug. As she lost her balance, the hot water spilled all over me. Everything went black. My Granny’s cries rang in my ears as I lay on the floor, not knowing what had happened. I saw my Mom rush in looking terrified. She made such a commotion that neighbors soon hurried over to see what had happened. When they saw me, they all panicked. Suddenly, I began feeling surging pain all over my stomach and I was rushed to the nearby hospital.

Sign of Grief

My Granny tried to comfort me in vain, while my mother cried desperately, but as I was rushed into the emergency room, she entreated me to say the holy names of Jesus, Mary and Joseph. When the doctor examined me, I was able to see the horrible condition in which I had arrived at the hospital. There was no skin left on my stomach, just a flesh-colored mass. While the doctors treated me, my parents, relatives and friends prayed for Mother Mary’s powerful intercession, but everyone knew there was little hope.

After a full month in the hospital, I was able to return home. One of my uncles took on the responsibility of caring for me. For my parents, I was a constant source of grief and worry. As a boy, I had never seen my father cry, but one day, seeing me wracked by pain, his eyes filled with tears. My whole life now consisted of just lying on my bed. Everyone assured me of their prayers—my friends, teachers, parishioners, priests and sisters; everyone prayed over me. Wherever I turned, I saw people praying for me. Now I know their prayers never went unheard.

Burn Marks

Much sooner than the doctors expected, I was fully healed. Everyone said it was a miracle. Friends and family were unanimous. No one had expected me to live and yet there I was healed and healthy. Only God could have done it!

Even though I was just a boy at the time, this experience of God’s miraculous healing sowed in my heart seeds of love and faith for God my Savior. I learned that God is always there to save me. The burn marks are still very visible on my stomach, but whenever I see them, I am reminded of God’s healing touch and I realize that what I am now is his embodied mercy.

Sometimes God doesn’t change your situation because He is trying to change your heart!

God never stops inviting us to turn from our sinful lives and run to him. Our God is love and His mercy is endless. I compare a hardened heart to a cemented heart. It seems that nothing can break through a heart that is hardened and closed to God’s graces.

Is there any hope for hardened hearts? Yes, there is always hope. Looking back, when I was lost in the mess of my life, there were people praying for me. My Mom prayed many rosaries for my redemption.

The intercession of powerful prayer warriors, who unceasingly storm the gates of Heaven, causes showers of graces to fall on those who are lost in their own cesspools of sin, addiction and worldly pleasure.

If you examine a cement sidewalk over a long period, you may find a slight crack starting to form which allows a seed and water to enter. Then suddenly green foliage bursts through, widening the crack and allowing more incursions. The crack becomes a spreading rift, flourishing with life. It is like that with a heart that is hardened. Those who continue to pray, fast and offer up their sufferings for these lost souls, may, at last, begin to notice slight cracks in the barriers they have placed around their hearts. God only needs a crack for His grace, love and healing to come pouring into the person’s heart. To see a person, turn away from a sinful life and enter into God’s army in service of others is so beautiful. God and all the angels and saints rejoice.

If you have been praying for a long time for those you care about to return to the faith, do not give up. Persevere in prayer. You may never know, this side of Heaven, how much your prayers have helped someone to return to God. I do know that when you see these beautiful souls in Heaven, they will thank you for praying for them.

Thus, says the Lord, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”(Ezekiel 36:26)

Dear God when I reach out to my loved ones, I understand that it is you who changes their heart. Make me your instrument of peace to accomplish Your purpose in my life. Amen.

“You touched my coffee!” the customer screamed at the young barista, who burst into tears as she helplessly tried to offer a new cup to the angry woman.  We sensed she was not a local and the loyal patrons rallied to defend the young girl. “If you are so worried about contamination, you should not even go out!” shouted one patron.  “Stay home!” another butted in.

As a pastoral worker, I offered her a word of comfort. While she made my cuppa between sobs, I reminded her that the current environment made everyone tense, so she shouldn’t take it personally and let the incident ruin her day. Just a few minutes later, I had to take my own advice. When I accidentally overstepped the 1.5 meters mark at the grocery store, an elderly gentleman admonished me with disgust: “Stay in your spot!” adding a poke in the arm for extra emphasis.  Then, when I took my little granddaughter out for a much-needed exercise, she was berated by a passerby, shouting “1.5 meters!” as he huffed away. Whew!!!

Many of us have similar incidents to recount as the COVID-19 pandemic takes its toll. We are all so full of fear and anxiety that we seem to have lost the love, joy and graciousness of life. Hardly anyone smiles now as we walk past them. Heads are bowed, as eyes flit about, alarmingly vigilant but spaced out. The body language signals, “Stay away from me”. This is easily understandable as we face a dangerous, invisible enemy and we do not know who will fall by its sword before the pandemic ends. Thousands of lives and livelihoods are being lost or impaired. Although we all know that social distancing and self-isolation are necessary shields, we all suffer its effects – some catastrophically.

Everyone has been affected, especially the dedicated front-line health workers, who heroically continue their care despite the risks. Sadness over the loss of loved ones, for any cause, becomes overwhelming when mourners are unable to receive the comfort of friends and family.  My heart breaks for them as I pray for the souls of the dead and for comfort for their families. Government and health authorities are doing everything they can to enforce what they believe to be the best measures to control and prevent it. Many of them compare it to warfare. And indeed, there are casualties. Every nation is at its knees.

But what has been its impact on me personally? When the lockdown and the shutdown were imposed, I looked at the projects I was supposed to be working on. At that moment, they seemed irrelevant. I decided to put them away in the garage, knowing that I would not be able to work on them now. My perspective has quickly shifted as I live moment by moment, prioritizing health and safety. I needed to visit the doctor for a medical issue. I implored the Lord to spare me from needing hospital care, as I dreaded the atmosphere there at present.

I am forced to be more reflective and examine which parts of my life need to change. Every day I pray on my knees to ask the Lord for help. At every hour, I pray my favorite psalm 91 for the Lord’s protection for everyone, and the prayer “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.”

I usually get excited about future projects, but with COVID-19, the future is a blur. The unknown has become my daily reality. Because I am accustomed to a busy life, I needed to find activities to help me cope.  I cook for the family more. Since my daughter and son-in-law work from home, I have taken on substantial duties in the kitchen. Family life has become our foundation. The first few weeks of staying home 24/7 were trying, but things improved as family solidarity was given greater importance and we appreciated each other more. Each of us contributed more to home duties.

The daily laundry has become a consolation; its gentle whirring a sound of normality. Having ample time to clean cupboards and sort the house has given me a purpose. Sleeping-in became an escape at first, but then I also realized how exhausted my body had been over the years and I welcomed the rest and the slowing down. My shower in the morning has moved to an afternoon ritual as I rush to the shops for our essentials in the morning, while stock is still available. Simplicity has become a norm – no make-up, no perfume, just my unmade self.

Little miracles happen. When I was desperate for toilet paper, hand wipes and disinfectant sprays and none was found at the shelves, some were left in an abandoned trolley!

Reports from some parts of the world reveal that nature is taking a recuperative rest as pollution reduces and sky, oceans, forests revive. The closure of our churches during Lent and Easter was particularly difficult, and I wonder what message the Lord is revealing to us. Where is God in all of this? many people ask. Spiritual messages are plentiful. Most of them are encouraging, affirming that God is not the source of this, as He knows no evil, but He is travelling with us on this painful journey, just as He did when He suffered here on earth with us and His Resurrection gives us hope that we will endure this trial.

Our prayer group that has been meeting weekly for the last 22 years was not discouraged by the lockdown. Led by the Holy Spirit, we conduct our prayer meeting and spiritual fellowship by phone conference every Friday and, gather prophetic messages and exhortations to see us through these difficult times.

By embracing the use of technology, we can remain connected to our priests who continue to celebrate Mass for us. The blessing from this is that many people who were not previously present at Mass have joined us in tuning in to church gatherings and teachings, paving the way to a deeper, inner recollection and understanding of the faith. Never again will I take the gift of the Eucharist for granted. It is the most profound fast I have ever experienced.

Recently, I got a call from a friend who is battling serious illness every day – at any moment she could die from heart and kidney problems. When she came out of hospital after another bout of complications, she told me that her outlook is one day at a time. I reflected that we are all in the same boat now.

COVID-19 is teaching us an important lesson – to value each moment and be full of gratitude to God, from the instant we wake and all through the day. Words and deeds of love need to be spoken and performed right now, right here – not tomorrow.

And have we ever said a genuine thank you to someone who served us today?

“New every morning is your love, great God of light, and all day long you are working for good in the world. Stir up in us desire to serve you, to live peacefully with our neighbors and all your creation, and to devote each day to your Son, our Savior Jesus Christ.” Amen. (A Liturgy for Morning Prayer, Upper Room Worship book)

The coronavirus is indeed causing havoc in the world today; but is there a virus deadlier than this?

As I write this, almost the whole world is in the grips of the virus that has paralysed mankind. Who would have thought that in this age of advanced technology, with daily scientific discoveries, we could be taken by surprise? Or that, while mankind has ventured to nearby planets, our plans for our lives and our future together on earth could be so dampened that we will be forced to live an inferior lifestyle, very different to what we are used to?

2020 has barely begun, but Australia (where I live) has already suffered several disastrous events, culminating in the current crisis. The year began with catastrophic bushfires which burned massive tracts of land, killed numerous people and animals and destroyed many, many homes and properties. Smoke darkened our skies, intruded into our homes and even interfered with sporting fixtures. Just as we were starting to recover from that, extensive storms and heavy rain struck, pelting some places with huge hailstones and causing flash floods.  Just when we thought we can now move on; the Coronavirus has invaded our lives. Now, we are all enduring the stifling restrictions which are crippling our economies, our communities, our education and our access to the sacraments. Mankind is afraid and though many still show a brave face, we are all aware that some of us may not see tomorrow.

Currently much of the world is in a war-like situation. Some people are fighting for toilet rolls, stockpiling food for months and cutting off all physical contact. All public places except essential services are closed and New York – the centre of international business – is now under the supervision of the National guard. This is an extraordinarily difficult time for leaders of all nations as they venture into uncharted territories. A few of them have even contracted the virus themselves.

The virus, and all the restrictions it has caused, can only damage us physically and psychologically. Scripture teaches us that the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, so we must protect and care for it, but Jesus reminded us not to fear what can only kill the body. Our souls are invaluable in God’s sight and it lives forever. Jesus came into a world focused on the physical life and material things to show us that the spiritual life is more important than anything else. The flesh must pass away, but the soul will live on eternally.

The real virus that has paralysed mankind today is SIN. No other virus has ever caused greater damage than the virus of SIN that has crippled and degenerated us so much that many are already living dead, empty lives, fulfilling no other purpose than to entertain themselves. Sin has distanced us from God, darkened our minds, hardened our hearts, dulled our ears, blinded our eyes and sickened our souls.  This is far more terrible than being unable to move around freely doing what we like. We could face an eternity separated from all that is good, unless we change our ways.

Jesus took up the burden of sins of all mankind and died for all of us, so we could live with Him forever.  So, we need not fear death if we accept His salvation and follow Him daily. We will all die one day and because of our hope in Jesus, we can rejoice as death approaches.

So if you are a Christian, this is the time to showcase our faith, to be fearless, trusting in the life that Jesus has already offered and prepared for us. This is the time as the church teaches, to receive spiritual communion. The heart of a Christian would be full of joy in this time since nothing can separate us from the love of Christ. And any sickness especially leading to death is a time of great rejoicing for such a person.  As St Paul says, “For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain” Philippians 1:21. We must now, without fail, pray for mercy and forgiveness on behalf of our brothers and sisters who do not know Him and haven’t accepted HIM as their Lord and Saviour and are unaware of the joy of that relationship. We must also do whatever is possible to help those around us as inspired by the Holy Spirit.

For those who only follow a tradition by going to church every Sunday and do not really share a relationship with God, this is your time to look deep within your heart where Christ awaits you. This is where HE always desired to meet you. Instead of filling the free time with empty things during this shutdown, seize the opportunity to spend time in silence, read the Bible and allow HIS word to take flesh in your life. There is no better time than this to forgive and to ask forgiveness from those whom we have offended.

For those who are still following other man-made religions/ways of life (receiving some sort of temporal satisfaction), Jesus declares that HE is the truth, the way and the life. This means that if you are really searching for the truth, all roads will lead you to Jesus Christ alone. Are you searching for the truth or are you settling for breadcrumbs falling off the table?

For those who are depending only on their good works or those who are following nothing at all, this is your time to reflect on your inner life and give your souls and hearts to Jesus and be saved. “Taste and see that the Lord is good” Psalm 34:8.

Let’s prepare ourselves for our last day that will come at an hour we do not expect. It may be when Jesus will return in glory to gather all those who love and follow Him. Or it may be at any moment before that.

Chris Hadfield, the first Canadian to walk in space states that astronauts do not go into space with their fingers crossed and that the more you know, the less you fear. In other words, the less you know, the more you fear. I encourage you to know Jesus Christ, the Son of God, for to know him is to know the truth (John 8:32) and to have eternal life (John 17:3).  Let us recognise that the real virus that afflicts us is Sin.  Let us allow Jesus to take over our lives, deliver us from sin and lead us to eternal life.