The Secret to a Joyful Life

A principal reason why the civil rights movement of the 1950s and 1960s was so successful, both morally and practically, was that it was led largely by people with a strong religious sensibility. The most notable of these leaders was, of course, Martin Luther King. To appreciate the subtle play between King’s religious commitment and his practical work, I would draw your attention to two texts—namely, his Letter from the Birmingham City Jail and his “I Have a Dream” speech, both from 1963. While imprisoned in Birmingham for leading a nonviolent protest, King responded to certain of his fellow Christian ministers who had criticized him for going too fast, expecting social change to happen overnight. The Baptist minister answered his critics in a perhaps surprising manner, invoking the aid of a medieval Catholic theologian. King drew their attention to the reflections of St. Thomas Aquinas on law, specifically Thomas’ theory that positive law finds its justification in relation to the natural law, which finds its justification in relation to the eternal law. Aquinas means that what makes a practical, everyday law righteous is that it somehow gives expression to the principles of the moral law, which in turn are reflective of God’s own mind. Therefore, King concluded, unjust positive laws, such as the Jim Crow regulations that he was contesting, are not just bad laws; they are immoral and finally offensive to God. Here is King’s own language: “One may well ask: ‘How can you advocate breaking some laws and obeying others?’ The answer lies in the fact that there are two types of laws: just and unjust. I would be the first to advocate obeying just laws. One has not only a legal but a moral responsibility to obey just laws.” But then King contrasts this with obedience to an unjust law: “Conversely, one has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws. I would agree with St. Augustine that ‘an unjust law is no law at all.’” And in clarifying the difference, he turns to Aquinas: “Now, what is the difference between the two? How does one determine whether a law is just or unjust? A just law is a manmade code that squares with the moral law or the law of God. An unjust law is a code that is out of harmony with the moral law. To put it in the terms of St. Thomas Aquinas: An unjust law is a human law that is not rooted in eternal law and natural law.” This is not pious boilerplate; rather, it reveals what gave King’s movement its justification and purpose. The very same dynamic was on display six months later, when King addressed the throng who had gathered at the Lincoln Memorial for the March on Washington. He was not giving a sermon. He was making a political speech, advocating in the public place for social change. But attend to some of the language that he used: “I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; ‘and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.’” He was directly relating the social revolution he was advocating to the mystical vision of the prophet Isaiah. And listen to the magnificent conclusion of the address in which he artfully blends the lyrics of an American patriotic song to the lyrics of a song he and his family sang in church: “And when this happens, and when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual: Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!” Once again, on King’s reading, the political nests within the moral, which nests within the sacred. Martin Luther King derived from his religious heritage not only the metaphysics that informed his social activism, but also the nonviolent method that he employed. What Jesus reveals in the rhetoric of the Sermon on the Mount (“Love your enemies”; “Bless those who curse you, pray for those who maltreat you”; “If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn and give him the other”; etc.) and even more strikingly in his word of forgiveness from the cross is that God’s way is the way of peace, nonviolence, and compassion. As a Christian, King knew in his bones that reacting to oppression with violence would only exacerbate the tensions within society. He sums up this principle in one of his best-known sermons: “Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” Within the confines of this brief article, I cannot begin adequately to address the social upheaval occurring in our culture today. But I will say simply this: it is indisputably clear that there are severe moral deficits in our society that must be addressed, but the best way to do so is from within a moral and finally religious framework. May Martin Luther King’s model of leadership in this regard be a lodestar.

Happiness is a ring on your finger Have you ever wondered why the finger next to the pinkie is traditionally the one with the wedding ring? The Chinese came up with this explanation. Let’s try a simple exercise. Join your hands in prayer with the fingers pointing up. Now move your palms with the fingertips still touching each other. Bend both middle fingers downward so that the tips of these fingers are now pointing down and the backs of both fingers are touching. Allow the hands to remain in this position, then try pulling back the thumbs and allowing them to touch again. This is quite easy. The thumbs represent your relationship with your parents. In your childhood, you live with them and important decisions can’t be made without them, but at some point in life, you usually start making decisions on your own and move out. You separate physically from them. Now, try the same motion for the index finger. Notice that it is also easy to do this with your index and pinkie fingers, which represent siblings and children. You will not be living with your siblings or your children all your life. Finally, try to move the ring fingers, which represent you and your spouse. It is impossible unless you separate the middle fingers. So, what do the middle fingers bent downward represent? - The sacrament of Matrimony. When a man and a woman make vows of commitment to each other until death, they are bonded by God into a one flesh union, as husband and wife. If the middle fingers are separated it is easy to pull the ring fingers away from each other. So, spouses can only be separated by death, or by breaking their covenant with God and each other. Today, we see a lot of confusion about the meaning, value and purpose of marriage and an increase in broken families. Tension between spouses is amplified by the modern world’s exclusion of God from relationships. When marriage is about personal fulfillment, people become preoccupied by the flaws, shortcomings and failures of their spouses and of others. Perhaps this is why Pope St John Paul II, anticipating this degeneration of modern society, exhorted the people of Australia, “As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live. Do not be afraid to take a chance on Peace – to teach Peace, to live Peace… Love between man and woman cannot be built without sacrifices and self-denial.” When they fail to do this, we have chaos in the family and chaos in the world. He also reminded the people of the United States that “Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought.” Protect each other When the woman caught in adultery was brought before Jesus(Jn 8: 3-11), those who condemned her dragged her into the middle of the crowd to expose her shame and humiliate her publicly. Jesus unexpectedly responded by unmasking their own sinfulness, instead of embarrassing her further. When the crowd melted away in reaction to his challenge, He (the only sinless one among them) forgave her and encouraged her not to sin again. When we contemplate the Bible’s description of St Joseph’s treatment of women, we see the same compassionate behaviour. When he was told that Mary was with child, Joseph was unwilling to expose her to shame. Jesus and Joseph both followed the same action plan. The woman before them should not be publicly shamed, but treated with respect and kindness. My wife and I are not perfect. We both have our share of weaknesses. When I became her husband, I received a special grace to be her champion, so that her deficiencies, faults and failures are not exposed to anyone, even close family members. When I, as a husband, fail to fulfill this mission, then an attitude of disapproval poisons our family life and needs to be remedied. Even before our marriage, we had often spoken about this. Both of us had seen plenty of examples, among our family and friends, of a husband or wife badmouthing the other at social events. Recently my wife pointed out an opposite example. We had known this couple for a long time, but recently, when my wife interacted more closely with the wife, she noticed weaknesses in her character. My wife told me something that made me seriously consider my own attitude in this area. She said that in all the years we had known and interacted with this couple, her weaknesses had never been exposed because her husband shielded her so well. Unquenchable Fire “Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire” (St Catherine of Siena). Becoming the person God meant you to be is not easy or quick to achieve. Short-term sacrifices won’t keep the fire blazing. In the early stages of my marriage, I was motivated to go out of my way to serve my wife. I did this with sincerity, but also some discomfort as I stretched myself to meet her needs. However, I became inordinately proud of myself for doing so. Those affectionate courtesies that dominated the early phase of my marriage began to diminish because I started to feel that I had done enough to earn the respect I desired. Then I realized that a few considerate actions, were not going to convert anyone in my family, because my intentions were self-centred. If I wanted to lead my wife and kids to Heaven, I needed to engage in a lifetime of self-sacrificial actions. Marriage isn’t a contract where each of the partners gives 50% and gets 50%. It is a covenant relationship where each of the spouses gives 100% of what they have to give and receives the wholehearted support of their spouse. As Pope St John Paul II put it so well, “Love consists of a commitment which limits one’s freedom. It is a giving of the self, and to give oneself means just that: to limit one’s freedom on behalf of another.” (Love and Responsibility). So, I began to treat my wife and children as if I were hosting the Holy Family in my home as honoured guests. Sometimes my actions aren’t noticed or appreciated, but the Holy Family never fails me. They taught me true joy and I have never had more refreshing sleep. The next day I get up and do it all over again, not relying on my own strength but by depending on the Lord’s mighty power. I believe family life is strangled by service that is limited and calculated. However, service that costs us something - that is sacrificial - invigorates and inspires reciprocal loving service. This is the path to sainthood. Lord Jesus, help me to contemplate The Holy Family. In this age, when the attack on the family is so fierce, help me to spend more time in prayer with the Holy Family so that I may care better for my loved ones. Help me to unselfishly grow in holiness so that I may lead my family to encounter your unfailing love and mercy. Amen. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, protect our families.

The coronavirus is indeed causing havoc in the world today; but is there a virus deadlier than this? As I write this, almost the whole world is in the grips of the virus that has paralysed mankind. Who would have thought that in this age of advanced technology, with daily scientific discoveries, we could be taken by surprise? Or that, while mankind has ventured to nearby planets, our plans for our lives and our future together on earth could be so dampened that we will be forced to live an inferior lifestyle, very different to what we are used to? 2020 has barely begun, but Australia (where I live) has already suffered several disastrous events, culminating in the current crisis. The year began with catastrophic bushfires which burned massive tracts of land, killed numerous people and animals and destroyed many, many homes and properties. Smoke darkened our skies, intruded into our homes and even interfered with sporting fixtures. Just as we were starting to recover from that, extensive storms and heavy rain struck, pelting some places with huge hailstones and causing flash floods.  Just when we thought we can now move on; the Coronavirus has invaded our lives. Now, we are all enduring the stifling restrictions which are crippling our economies, our communities, our education and our access to the sacraments. Mankind is afraid and though many still show a brave face, we are all aware that some of us may not see tomorrow. Currently much of the world is in a war-like situation. Some people are fighting for toilet rolls, stockpiling food for months and cutting off all physical contact. All public places except essential services are closed and New York - the centre of international business - is now under the supervision of the National guard. This is an extraordinarily difficult time for leaders of all nations as they venture into uncharted territories. A few of them have even contracted the virus themselves. The virus, and all the restrictions it has caused, can only damage us physically and psychologically. Scripture teaches us that the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, so we must protect and care for it, but Jesus reminded us not to fear what can only kill the body. Our souls are invaluable in God’s sight and it lives forever. Jesus came into a world focused on the physical life and material things to show us that the spiritual life is more important than anything else. The flesh must pass away, but the soul will live on eternally. The real virus that has paralysed mankind today is SIN. No other virus has ever caused greater damage than the virus of SIN that has crippled and degenerated us so much that many are already living dead, empty lives, fulfilling no other purpose than to entertain themselves. Sin has distanced us from God, darkened our minds, hardened our hearts, dulled our ears, blinded our eyes and sickened our souls.  This is far more terrible than being unable to move around freely doing what we like. We could face an eternity separated from all that is good, unless we change our ways. Jesus took up the burden of sins of all mankind and died for all of us, so we could live with Him forever.  So, we need not fear death if we accept His salvation and follow Him daily. We will all die one day and because of our hope in Jesus, we can rejoice as death approaches. So if you are a Christian, this is the time to showcase our faith, to be fearless, trusting in the life that Jesus has already offered and prepared for us. This is the time as the church teaches, to receive spiritual communion. The heart of a Christian would be full of joy in this time since nothing can separate us from the love of Christ. And any sickness especially leading to death is a time of great rejoicing for such a person.  As St Paul says, “For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain” Philippians 1:21. We must now, without fail, pray for mercy and forgiveness on behalf of our brothers and sisters who do not know Him and haven’t accepted HIM as their Lord and Saviour and are unaware of the joy of that relationship. We must also do whatever is possible to help those around us as inspired by the Holy Spirit. For those who only follow a tradition by going to church every Sunday and do not really share a relationship with God, this is your time to look deep within your heart where Christ awaits you. This is where HE always desired to meet you. Instead of filling the free time with empty things during this shutdown, seize the opportunity to spend time in silence, read the Bible and allow HIS word to take flesh in your life. There is no better time than this to forgive and to ask forgiveness from those whom we have offended. For those who are still following other man-made religions/ways of life (receiving some sort of temporal satisfaction), Jesus declares that HE is the truth, the way and the life. This means that if you are really searching for the truth, all roads will lead you to Jesus Christ alone. Are you searching for the truth or are you settling for breadcrumbs falling off the table? For those who are depending only on their good works or those who are following nothing at all, this is your time to reflect on your inner life and give your souls and hearts to Jesus and be saved. “Taste and see that the Lord is good” Psalm 34:8. Let’s prepare ourselves for our last day that will come at an hour we do not expect. It may be when Jesus will return in glory to gather all those who love and follow Him. Or it may be at any moment before that. Chris Hadfield, the first Canadian to walk in space states that astronauts do not go into space with their fingers crossed and that the more you know, the less you fear. In other words, the less you know, the more you fear. I encourage you to know Jesus Christ, the Son of God, for to know him is to know the truth (John 8:32) and to have eternal life (John 17:3).  Let us recognise that the real virus that afflicts us is Sin.  Let us allow Jesus to take over our lives, deliver us from sin and lead us to eternal life.

By now most of you are probably aware of the depressing statistics regarding the “nones,” that is to say, those in this country who claim no religious affiliation. The most recent survey showed that now fully one fourth of Americans belong to no religion at all—that’s approximately 80,000,000 people. And among those in the 18-29 age group, the percentage of nones goes up to 40! This increase has been alarmingly precipitous. Fifty years ago, only a fraction of the country would have identified as unreligious, and even a decade ago, the number was only at 14%. What makes this situation even more distressing is that fully 64% of young adult nones were indeed raised religious but have taken the conscious and active decision to abandon their churches. Houston, we definitely have a problem. I have written frequently regarding practical steps that religious leaders ought to be taking to confront this rising tide of secularist ideology, and I will continue to do so. But for the moment, I would like to reflect on a passage from the Gospel of Luke, which was featured on the Solemnity of Mary the Mother of God, and which sheds considerable light on this issue. It has to do with the visit of the shepherds to Mary and the Christ child in the stable at Bethlehem, and it hinges on three words: haste, astonished, and treasured. We hear that, upon receiving the angel’s message, the shepherds “went in haste” to visit the holy family. This echoes a passage from a bit earlier in Luke’s Gospel: having heard the news of her own pregnancy and that of Elizabeth, Mary, we are told, “went in haste” to the hill country of Judah to help her cousin. The spiritual truth that both of these pericopes disclose is that energy, verve, enthusiasm, and a sense of mission come precisely from a good that is perceived to be both objective and transcendent to the ego. If I might borrow the language of Dietrich von Hildebrand, it is only the objectively valuable—as opposed to the merely subjectively satisfying—that fills the mind and soul with passion and purpose. When the sense of objective and transcendent value is attenuated—as it necessarily is within the context of a secularist worldview—passion and mission fade away. John Henry Newman said that what gives a river verve and movement is precisely the firmness of its banks. When those banks are broken down, in the interest of a supposed freedom, the once energetic body of water spreads out into a great lazy lake. What we have in our secularist culture, which denies the transcendent good, is a subjectivism that gives rise to the “whatever” attitude. Toleration and self-assertion reign supreme; but no one goes anywhere in haste. Rather, we all rest on our individual air mattresses in the midst of the placid but tedious lake. The second word I want to emphasize is “astonished.” Luke tells us that those who heard the shepherds’ testimony were “astonished” at the news. The King James Version renders this as “they wondered at” the message. Wonder, amazement, and astonishment happen when the properly transcendent power breaks into our ordinary experience. The findings of the sciences delight and inform us, but they don’t astonish us, and the reason for this is that we are finally in control of the deliverances of the scientific method. We observe, we form hypotheses, we make experiments, and we draw conclusions. Again, this is all to the good, but it doesn’t produce amazement. Dorothy Day witnessed to the astonishing when she said, upon the birth of her first child, that she felt a gratitude so enormous that it would correspond to nothing or no one in this world. Mother Teresa was properly amazed when, on a lengthy train journey to Darjeeling, she heard a voice calling her to minister to the poorest of the poor. The apostles of Jesus fell into wonder when they saw, alive again, their master who had been crucified and buried. These are the most precious kinds of experiences that we can have, and if St. Augustine is right, they alone can satisfy the deepest longing of the heart. A secularist ideology—the worldview embraced by the “nones”—produces the clean, well-lighted space of what we can know and control. But it precludes true astonishment, and this leaves the soul impoverished. The final word from Luke upon which I’d like to reflect is “treasured.” The evangelist tells us that Mary “treasured these things, pondering upon them in her heart.” Newman said that Mary, precisely in this contemplative, ruminative frame of mind, is the model of all theology. I’d press it further. She is the real symbol of the Church in its entire function as the custodian of revelation. What is the Sistine Chapel? What is Notre Dame Cathedral? What is The Divine Comedy of Dante? What is the Summa contra gentiles of Thomas Aquinas? What are the sermons of John Chrysostom? What are the teachings of the great ecumenical councils? What is the liturgy in all of its complexity and beauty? These are all means by which the Church stubbornly, century in and century out, treasures the astonishing events of God’s self-manifestation. Up and down the ages, the Church ponders what God has done so that the memory of these mighty deeds might never be lost. As such, she performs an indispensable service on behalf of the world—though the world might not have any sense of it. She keeps holding up the light against the darkness. So to the “nones” and to those who are tempted to move into secularism, I say, don’t float on the lazy lake; rather, go in haste! Don’t settle for something less than astonishment; be amazed! Don’t fall into spiritual amnesia; treasure!

Tempest-tossed I stared into the darkness surrounding me. Tears were rolling down my face. I lay prostrate in the living room of my apartment, broken before God. Nothing seemed right to me. Did I make a mistake? Did I irresponsibly gamble with the future of my family? It had been almost two years since I migrated to Australia with my wife and children, leaving all other family members and a secure job behind. It was a leap of faith. I had a strong conviction that the LORD wanted us to take this step. I believed the LORD would lead the way and provide us with the means to settle down soon. After all, it was His decision. However, everything seemed to be going wrong. I had not even found a decent job yet. In addition to the financial struggles, I also faced health and personal issues. I felt my hope slipping away. Would there ever be an end to our adversities? Then, a most devastating thought crossed my mind: “Does God really exist? Is this all stupid?” At that moment, a most illogical prayer rose from the depths of my heart. “God, please exist!” How to Sail Through Difficult Times? Trials and tribulations are inevitable in Christian life. Many situations arise that challenge our faith and hope—even saints go through this phase in their lives. A book of letters written by Mother Teresa of Calcutta reveals that she was deeply tormented about her faith and suffered periods of doubt about God. What makes a true Christian different is his purposeful choice to obey, even when nothing seems right for him. This choice is the most challenging yet the most rewarding one. C.S. Lewis, one of the most notable Christian writers, explains this beautifully in his classic novel, “The Screwtape letters.” In this, the senior demon, Screwtape, advises Wormwood, a younger and less-experienced demon as follows: “Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring but still intending to do our Enemy’s (Jesus) will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished and asks why He has been forsaken and still obeys.” This is easier said than done. Choosing to trust God is indeed challenging when you are going through difficult times. God understands how we feel. When He came to live among us, He shared our human feelings and demonstrated how to respond when all seems hopeless. On the cross, Jesus cried out in despair, “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?” (Mathew 27:46b). Then, He chose to commend His spirit into the hands of God the Father (Luke 23:46). Open Your Heart Fervent prayer helps us survive difficult times. There is immeasurable power in a truthful and intimate prayer. However, intense, truthful prayer is possible only if you have freedom to express yourself. That is why I am grateful that Christianity uniquely encourages us to approach God with the freedom of a son. The book of Job demonstrates God’s response to this honesty. Job never tried to use gracious words to address God during his tough time. Instead, he opened his heart to God and even questioned Him. God did not get angry with Job but, rather, He was furious with Job’s friends, who played the role of God’s advocates and blamed Job for not giving God due respect. They failed to understand the depth and intimacy of Job’s relationship with God. There was an end to Job’s suffering but his life was no longer the same after his conversation with God. In the same way, God will listen to your anguished pleas. He will attend to your needs and transform your life if you are open to His presence. Often, the way God answers our prayers surprises us and comes at a time we do not expect. Sometimes, we do not realize how our prayer has been answered until much later. For God has promised that He will never abandon us and that He will answer every prayer. Time to Turn Back Let us return to the prayer I prayed during my tough time. Did God answer my prayer? Yes, He did. He came into existence!! He came into existence not as a being (He has been there all the time and He is the reason for all being) but into existence in my life. He came to be with me and I felt His presence in my trouble and pain. “And He made my mourning into dancing and sorrows into Joy” (Psalms 30:11). Yes, there are trials and tribulations in Christian life, but our victory is achieved when we unite them to Christ. So, dear reader, if you are going through a tough time, hold on. You are almost there. “For there is still a vision for the appointed time; it speaks of the end and does not lie. If it seems to tarry, wait for it; it will surely come, it will not delay” (Habakkuk 2:3).

Dubious about how to raise your child? Here’s a simple, yet workable way! As a first-time mom, I was very apprehensive about my child. I looked for advice on the internet, books, and from anywhere I could get guidance. Some things worked, but some did not. Yet, nothing eased my mind. Most of what I found on the internet was too pragmatic and experience-based (not relevant for my baby). I tried many ideas offered but they never seemed to work they only wasted my time and gave me false hope. I knew in my heart there had to be a better way. Child-rearing is not a new thing and I wondered if it had been so perplexing in the past. Times were different, but there were also challenges then. People coped and the human race flourished, from generation to generation. I took this up in my prayer, offering it up during the Holy Mass, adoration and family prayer. The more I offered and prayed about the situations, the more I realized that I needed to seek and ask for parenting wisdom to nurture the baby, God has entrusted to my care. I am to raise him in God’s way, not the world’s way! I asked Him to show me how to raise my child. What must I do when he behaves like this? How will I teach him His ways? Then, God inspired me to read scriptures to my child. It was then I remembered that from the moment I received Jesus into my life, I had felt the power of the word of God! It had an incredible impact on me. I had often tapped into this supreme source of love from the creator. So while my son was playing and running around, I began reading the Bible out loud, chapter by chapter, animating the scripture verses with intonation. At first, I found it odd, but in between his play, he stopped to listen and on one occasion he even attempted to snatch the Bible from my hand. I continued to read to him— Catholic magazine articles, Christian stories—and our house came alive with Christian commentary all the time. What was the result? Reading the Bible to my child meant I was reading it for myself too! I got really excited about our new adventure, reading and learning about God together. The days I did this exercise, I found my son was better behaved than during those days when I used the internet for guidance. There were days when there were challenges, but that did not last long. His tantrums were short-lived. There was such joy and peace that as a family we were able to tackle things together. I felt as though an invisible person was helping us through it all, even without our asking for help. We felt comforted and knew that the Spirit was uniting us all in His love and wisdom. We were able to share some parenting wisdom to first-time parents who were struggling with the early years of childrearing. Today we continue to tell the story of Jesus to our toddler and to our newborn baby. I needed guidance and I implored the Lord God for help and wisdom. He heard me and bestowed his great gifts on me. The best we can do is to put our complete confidence and trust in Him. God continues to teach us through His word.

Twists and Turns Every morning for nearly 14 years, I have opened my kitchen blinds and watched a group of sycamore trees behind our property grow. Sycamore trees are common in California and the developer of this area planted a variety named London Plane, not indigenous to Sacramento County. This variety grows fast and very tall; at full height, they can top out at more than 130 feet! Although they thrive well in the hot dry summers of the Sacramento area, they need full sun to grow to such majestic heights. They will bend and twist to find the sun, which in turn can give them interesting shapes. One of these sycamore trees had a rocky start when, only a few years old, it became badly infested with aphids. That weakened the trunk, making it droop to nearly a 90-degree angle. It could no longer seek the sun and looked like it was going to be removed. Fortunately, a local arborist—through pruning, nourishment and time— was able to save the little tree. It recovered yet had to twist to reorient itself for its upward journey to the sun. The misshapen tree is still angled quite a bit but if one can say they love a tree, I have to say it: I love this tree! This tree has a story and its very shape reflects my story and perhaps yours as well. I am a “Cradle Catholic” born of Cradle Catholics. Having strong Catholic roots, I grew on a solid sacramental journey through my Catholic school years. The catechism of my parents’ generation seemed to focus on the “dos and don’ts” of the church but the “whys and wherefores” also intrigued my young questioning mind. At some point, when my questions could not be answered to satisfaction, I was told to “take it on faith.” It sounded like loving Catholic advice but to a growing inquisitive child, who did not quite understand the concept of faith, it equated to: “I don’t know,” “ Because I said so” or “Don’t bother me.” Those words planted within me small seeds of doubt. Those seeds grew and weakened the faith I had, much like what the aphids did to the tree. Thus, throughout my young adult years I tested, stretched and ignored many of God’s and the church’s teachings. This led to sinful thoughts and behaviors that ultimately ended in painful consequences. My journey toward Christ had become weighed down by sin, and I had bent so far that I was no longer actively seeking the Son. God loved me mercifully and unconditionally. Even though I had stopped seeking Him, He never stopped seeking me. “For thus says the Lord GOD, ‘Behold, I Myself will search for My sheep and seek them out. I will seek the lost, bring back the scattered, bind up the broken and strengthen the sick’” (Ezekiel 34:11, 16). To Be or Not To Be The years passed, I married young and had three sons before I was 30. We baptized our children and tried to make it to mass when we were not too tired or could not rationalize our way out of it. Although I was not actively seeking God, the roots were still strong enough to at least consider God as a sort of good insurance plan, sort of like a “get-out-of-hell-free” card. In my early 30s, I questioned whether it was worth the effort of taking our kids to church. Our boys could be rambunctious and noisy. Sundays felt more frustrating than fulfilling. When I wearily fed, bathed and dressed the boys in their Sunday best, I weighed the pros and cons of such a decision. Thankfully, one Sunday forever changed my life. I packed bottles, snacks, books, toys, blankies and diapers, then our little family dutifully headed to mass. For some odd reason, that Sunday I chose to sit in the front row. We never sat in the front. It only meant a longer walk of shame to the back of the church if one of the boys acted up. In retrospect, God had a hand in that decision. I had rationalized that perhaps they might behave if they could see what was happening on the altar. I surveyed their behavior after the Gospel ... so far so good. The thought popped in my head, “Hey, I might actually get to listen to a homily for a change.” The priest began speaking on the topic of faith, which immediately caught and held my attention because its concept still felt elusive to me. Then he spoke words that pierced my heart. He said that faith is not a RIGHT. Faith is a GIFT. It is a grace given by God and we just need to ask for it. WHAT? A Gift for All I thought being a Cradle Catholic meant faith came with the insurance plan and I just did not understand the policy. I had a swirling mixture of emotions. I was mad that I had not been told this before. I was sad that it had taken so long to hear this information. Yet, I was glad and grateful that it was just as simple as asking for it! Boldly, then and there, I prayed. “God, if faith is a gift and all I have to do is ask for it, then I want it. I want the gift of faith. I want all of it and I want it now! I’ve lost my way. The weight of my sins is too heavy for me and I need faith so I can find my way back to You.” I sat there waiting. Nothing obvious happened, but somehow just asking brought me peace. Maybe I would keep coming to mass. God works in His timing and although I did not immediately recognize what was happening, He began to bring His own arborists into my life. Through pruning, nourishment, time and love, He introduced me to people whose faith was strong and healthy. They in turn introduced me to God through their words and actions. Eventually, they introduced me to God’s word and that is when the real healing began. I started to read the Holy Bible daily and continued to ask questions. Faith comes from what is heard and what is heard comes through the word of Christ (Romans 10:17). Every day I grew in a faith that led me back to the sacrament of reconciliation. Like the little sycamore tree, I had to twist my thoughts and actions to reorient them toward Jesus. My life straightened out when I actively began to seek Him and the weight of sin no longer bent me away from His Son. I am still a work in progress needing God’s grace to grow upward. When I recently closed my kitchen blind, I noticed something for the first time; the sun was shining through the leaves and branches of that twisted little tree and the light it cast was interesting and beautiful. That became my simple prayer: ​May the Son cast His light through me to shine beautifully every day. Amen.

A young man stood in line with his father at the Department of Motor Vehicles. About seventeen years old, he had just bought his first car and was obviously excited. His turn came and the woman behind the counter calculated his fees, around $300. The father’s temper immediately exploded. He complained about how they had already spent $2,000 on the car, then stormed out of the office. His son looked shocked and desperately tried to get his father’s attention. The boy, who had come in so excited, seemed on the verge of tears within seconds. The boy’s father had crushed his spirit and publicly humiliated him. The son followed his dad out the door, pleading, “Dad, dad, dad …” At a park across town, another man played with his six-year-old son. The father told the boy it was time to leave, but the boy kept running. Looking unsure of himself, the father asked, “Just a few more minutes, ok?” Moments later, he tried again: “Time to go, buddy.” The son kept playing and again the father responded with a question: “Just 5 more minutes, ok?” Perhaps the man is there to this day, waiting for his son to stop playing! Both scenarios illustrate common complaints about men. A “toxic masculinity” is aggressiveness without restraint. Some men recognize their strength and act rashly, with no sense of compassion. Others lack a sense of commitment and responsibility, never acting with God-given authority. To strike a proper balance, men can focus on this oft-overlooked quality: meekness. When people hear “meekness” they often think “weakness” but the opposite is true. A meek person is someone who has power but knows how to control it; someone with authority who acts but is also compassionate and kind. In Scripture, Saint Joseph is an example of meekness. When Mary is with child, he seeks to divorce her quietly until he is told the child is of the Holy Spirit. Later, in dreams, an angel comes to Saint Joseph and tells him to act. Saint Joseph does, with authority. There are no recorded words of Saint Joseph. Saint Joseph is silent, yet in the litany of Saint Joseph we call him the “Terror of Demons.” Saint Joseph is the right combination of power and restraint. Saint Joseph is meek. When people ask Saint Joseph to pray for them, they will grow in meekness as well. POINTERS ON GROWING IN MEEKNESS: ◗ When things do not go the way we envision, do we strike out against the world? We are not the center of the universe and there is no guarantee things will go according to our plan. Memorize Psalm 37:8: “Refrain from anger and forsake wrath! Do not fret; it tends only to evil.” ◗ Are we embarrassed to act on promptings of Holy Spirit? Vanity can prevent God from working through us to reach others. Choose to be patient and meek in the face of humiliation. The embarrassment is temporary and there is grace through obedience. Memorize Sirach 2:5: “For gold and silver are tested in the fire, and acceptable men in the furnace of humiliation.” ◗ Forget anger and also shyness. Seek to do the will of the Lord. Memorize Psalm 119:9: “How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to Your word.” ◗ Study the story of the woman caught in adultery in John 8:1-11. Notice how Jesus does not say that sin is ok but commands her not to sin again. He also said that one without sin could cast the first stone. Who was without any sin in the scene? Jesus. But He shows mercy in a perfect act of meekness. ◗ Pray the litany of Saint Joseph. He is a great model of meekness, especially for men. PRAYER TO SAINT JOSEPH Oh Saint Joseph, whose protection is so great, so strong, so prompt before the throne of God, I place in you all my interests and desires. Oh Saint Joseph, do assist me by your powerful intercession and obtain for me from your divine Son all spiritual blessings through Jesus Christ, our Lord; so that having engaged here below your heavenly power, I may offer my thanksgiving and homage to the most loving Father. Oh Saint Joseph, I never weary contemplating you and Jesus asleep in your arms. I dare not approach while He reposes near your heart. Press Him in my name and kiss His fine head for me, and ask Him to return the kiss when I draw my dying breath. Saint Joseph, patron of departing souls, pray for us. Amen.

“Pray for a miracle and it will happen.” Throughout my life I have heard that phrase many times. To be honest, I have been skeptical. In the past when the mention of a miracle pops up, I normally smile back at the other person in neither belief nor disbelief, but usually with a bit of indifference. My problem is that I am too practical. This practical gene that flows throughout my body has definitely benefited me many times during my life, but when it comes to my faith, it has not exactly been helpful. I have issues with the word “miracle.” At times the mere mention of the word has even made me wince a bit. Sorry, but it is true. The word just seems, well, too easy. Recently, when my mom had a severe stroke the word “miracle” was uttered to me a lot. When I informed those closest to me of my mother’s stroke, I felt that many people brushed over the seriousness of her condition with what seemed like an easy request for a miracle. “Alan, pray for a miracle and she will be healed.” Do not get me wrong, I also wanted a miracle to happen. I prayed, I begged and I pleaded for a miracle. Many of the people I spoke with seemed convinced that I would witness a wonderful miracle take place before my very eyes. A miracle that would not only heal my mother, but help me to be stronger, perhaps even help me to trust and love God more. So, I prayed for that miracle. For months. Every day. And that miracle, well, it never came. Not only was my mother not healed, but also in the subsequent months since her stroke, her condition became worse. Somewhere along the way my belief in miracles felt shattered. I started to feel unworthy of a miracle. Perhaps I did not pray hard enough. Perhaps I did not have enough faith. Perhaps I did not believe enough. And after a while, realizing that this miracle was never going to come, my prayers for my mother’s healing changed. My prayers became less about her recovery. My prayers acknowledged the inevitable and became more focused on her soul and less about her health. Prayers that focused on her eternity. I also prayed that my mother’s past cynicism toward religion and her anger for a past that did not turn out the way she had hoped would shift and turn to a focus and love for God. That was the hope for my mother that I began to cling to. Since the stroke, it was very hard to understand my mother's speech. In fact, I normally comprehended about twenty percent or less of all that she said. But, some time after, my mother began to talk about some specific things and, to my surprise, I was able to understand her. She began to speak of her past regrets. She began to speak about forgiveness. She began asking me questions about God. She began asking me questions about my Catholic faith. These were never topics of discussion with my mother in the past. It turns out that the miracle I was looking for was not her recovery. On May 2, 2017, my mother, Margaret Rose Himmelright, was received into the Catholic Church. Even though she could barely speak, was unable to read or write, and was often very confused, for this she was lucid, clear, and very accepting. My mother's faith and her soul are the miracle. I have prayed for many years for my mother to grow closer to God. I was often left feeling like it would never happen. For her to want to know and love God more— even in the midst of pain and suffering—is nothing short of a miracle. Perhaps not the miracle everyone had in mind though, including myself. I now know there are different kinds of miracles. Miracles that present themselves in unforeseen ways. We just have to be able to recognize them through the disappointment of not receiving the miracle for which we had originally hoped and prayed. I had to free myself of the false notion that miracles only come in magnificent gestures of divine intervention. In reality, sometimes miracles dwell even where there resides grief and sadness. Do I believe in miracles? Yes, I do. Just not the way I did before.

It’s Not Automatic Kate and I have been married for just under ten years, and we currently have six children under the age of eight (four sons and two daughters). So, from the get-go our relationship has been defined by our constantly having more demanded of us than we seem to have to offer. This often drives us to prayer to ask God to make our kids (and one another) less demanding, to miraculously give us more energy, patience, and love, and to somehow get us on the same page each time fertility comes back around and we’ve got decisions to make. God is faithful, and He responds beautifully when we come to Him, so our deepest struggles usually don’t come from His lack of communication but from our own. We had both studied and given presentations on the Theology of the Body prior to marriage, and I was proud of how we prayerfully discerned big decisions, so I expected that entering into a Sacramental union with my wife would somehow provide the grace of a sort of spiritual “mind-meld.” I realized pretty quickly that God doesn’t actually work that way, and we were both pretty quickly overwhelmed by the fact that we are completely different people, each with our own unique perspective (who knew?). It was like moving to a foreign country and expecting to naturally speak the language somehow. I spent hours in prayer asking God to bridge the gap for us, and I was constantly nagging Kate to do the same. We would go to Adoration together, and I expected that God would provide us with a perfectly unifying experience, but it usually ended with us in the car afterward trying (and failing) to understand what the other was sharing about their own particular experience in prayer. There was also the almost constant discernment about massive decisions having to do with openness to life, career changes, the education of our children, etc., and we didn’t feel like we had the material resources for any of it. Our foundational differences in our understanding of God and how we related to Him (especially when suffering is on the line) quickly came to the surface and seemed insurmountable. We would each get different answers in prayer, we would struggle to articulate ourselves, and we felt like we ultimately couldn’t trust each other’s discernment. After a while, we stopped wanting to even bring it up; we felt trapped within the walls that were growing between us. This division became a deep source of pain, despair, and bewilderment. If God cared about our marriage and He wanted us to be united, why didn’t He fix it? We Don’t Make Sense By Ourselves It was during my reflection on the Stations of the Cross one Friday during Lent that I realized where I had been going wrong. During the Fifth Station (Simon helps Jesus carry His Cross), God showed me that I was like Simon, unwilling to allow my own individual “progress” to be hindered by my wife’s struggle to trust God in the same way that I did. I was prideful of how well I thought I was carrying my crosses, and I realized that I didn’t really want to be affected by her weaknesses. I quickly recognized that if I were able to “get to the finish line” without her, it would be completely pointless. It was God who joined us, and because of that, our lonely journeys to Him no longer make sense. I realized that my life really only makes sense if I am willing to get under her cross, our cross, moving as slowly as both of us can move together. And, as it turns out, this completely changes the experience of the journey for both of us, making it so much more fulfilling and very real. We began to see that what we were yearning for was what Saint John Paul II continually referred to as conjugal spirituality. But, we didn’t have the tools or even a vision for how to develop that. We prayed together often using the Rosary, the Liturgy of the Hours, and other devotions, and we discussed our insights and experiences, but we each still felt like outsiders to the deepest movements of one another’s heart. I realized that I could not know Kate in her truest self without coming to know who she is in the presence of God. Simple, But Not Easy It wasn’t until we were introduced to the Couple prayer Series, a simple program created by Deacon Bob and Kathy Ovies to get couples started in praying together, and later to Domestic Church, a movement from Poland that provides basic formation specifically for conjugal spirituality, that we began to see that developing a conjugal spirituality wasn’t a new or complicated process, but it certainly wasn’t easy. We learned, for example, that the spiritual intimacy experienced when praying together openly and out loud is truly deeper than any other form of intimacy. The vulnerability involved in even sexual intimacy still doesn’t compare to the experience of allowing our spouses to enter into our deepest prayer. Praying together can be as simple as just holding hands and taking turns praying out loud, but there’s a reason why couples tend to avoid it. It’s not because we don’t have a few minutes to spare. The truth is, I don’t want my wife to know that I don’t have it all together and that my real prayer sounds more like a lost fourth grader than a contemplative monk. However, when we do pray together, it feels like something truly real is happening rather than the usual experience of just having ideas bounce around in my own head in hopes that God somehow hears them. And, it’s always surprising how much more quickly and powerfully the answers come for the things we pray about together. It’s as if God is saying, “This is what I’ve been waiting for! This is what I put you together for!” Individual prayer is still necessary, but it is informed by the beautifully real experience of our couple prayer. Spiritual intimacy will most definitely strengthen and improve all other types of intimacy (especially physical intimacy—just sayin’, guys!). It can be tough to get started, but the good news is that you don’t need special techniques, you just need to do it. Hold hands and pray. It may be awkward at first, but all you have to do to get better at it is to keep doing it. pick a time each day (right before bed may not be best for one or both of you), and fight hard to stick to it, even when you fall off the wagon. We, as men, naturally want a battle worth fighting, and we must not leave this one to our wives. They usually feel the desire for this kind of connection more than we do, but they are also deeply sensitive to the possibility of rejection if they were to ask us to pray with them. We are made to take the initiative and to pursue our wives, and there truly is no better way to do this than to actively pursue a deeper understanding of their minds and hearts as God sees them. The hardest part is agreeing to pray together and just getting started, but you’ll find that you’ll always be grateful that you did. A few practical tips: ◗ Don’t be critical of your spouse’s prayer—this is a huge breach of vulnerability. ◗ Pick a time and stick with it. But, agree that if you haven’t done it before going to bed, you won’t go to sleep until you do. Make it a “no compromise” activity! ◗ Take turns (at least at first). Agree that you will squeeze hands or something like that to let your spouse know when you are finished. ◗ Start with thanking God for specific things—you’ll find it totally changes the attitude of the rest of your prayer. ◗ Involve Scripture (lectio divina) here and there. It gives you a great place to start your prayer. ◗ Just do it!