Q&A: “Helping Friends Come Back to Church”

Saying ‘No’ would mean plunging her family into a dark hole of financial stress, yet she took that firm step…  I am a 31-year-old Ex-Assistant Professor from India. ‘Ex’ because it has been months since I gave up that title. After graduating from college in 2011, I spent the next four years preparing for the Chartered Accountancy course, the equivalent of CPA preparation. I soon realized that pursuing CA was not my calling and dropped out. A Dream Come True Giving up what many would consider a lucrative career might seem foolish, but my decision led me to recognize and acknowledge my real passion, which is teaching, something I had dreamed about since childhood. After I shifted my focus to a teaching career, God blessed me with a teaching job in the Primary Section of a well-acclaimed school. Though I taught in that school for four years, I wasn’t content because my childhood dream was to be a college Professor. By the grace of God, after nearly four years of teaching, I received the certification I needed to apply for an open position as Assistant Professor at a local college. When I was offered the job, I joyfully lived my dream and served the needs of my students for two years as an Assistant Professor. Difficult Choice In the middle of my third year, our college began the accreditation process that confers a ‘Quality Status’ to institutions of higher education. Though it was a lengthy, painstaking process with too heavy a workload, things went ahead smoothly in the beginning. But eventually, we were pressured to take part in unethical behavior that bothered me greatly. The administration required us to create fake records and to document academic activities that never took place. My reaction was disgust—so strong that I wanted to leave my job. However, things were not fine at home. We are a family of four. My parents were not working, and my brother had lost his job. Being the sole earner in the family, it would be difficult to give up the job. Due to the pandemic, it would also be difficult to find another job. Despite all this, I somehow mustered the courage and submitted my resignation. But my supervisors refused to accept it, promising that I would no longer need to create false documents and that I could even work from home. Reluctantly, I accepted the terms. Within months, however, I was again asked to document an academic seminar which never took place. Each time I indulged in such malpractice, I felt like I was betraying the Lord. I shared this dilemma with my spiritual mentors who encouraged me to give up this job that did not glorify God. Tryst with Destiny Finally, I mustered the courage and I said ‘no’ to my supervisors. And it was a BIG no. Instead of submitting the assigned task, I submitted my resignation. I left the job immediately and refused my salary for the previous month since I was leaving without giving notice. Financially, I had jumped into utter darkness. My family relied on my income. My mother’s recent surgery had drained the family’s savings. I barely had enough to cover the next month’s expenses. I didn't know what to do. I didn't tell my father and brother about quitting my job because they would never have approved. I did the only thing I could do—I held firm to the Lord and relied on His strength. I sought the intercession of Mamma Mary by praying the Holy Rosary constantly. Days and weeks passed, and I received no calls for interviews. Fear started gripping my soul. By the end of September, I still had no interviews scheduled by any of the recruiters whom I had approached. I was desperate. An Incredible Surprise On September 30, I finally received a phone call from an International School located near my home inviting me to interview for a position to teach the same genre of subjects I had taught at the college. This was an incredible surprise. This School, based on Cambridge University IGCSE curriculum, requires a level of subject knowledge equivalent to that expected of undergraduate faculty at an Indian University. I was offered the position and finalized my employment in early October 2021. And God also blessed me with a higher salary than I earned at the college. Praise be to God! Today, when people ask why I left college to teach in a high school, I share how awesome my God has been to me. Even if my new position had been a humbler job with less salary, I would still have accepted it joyfully for the sake of my Lord Jesus. As I look back, I realize that worldly titles don’t matter. What does matter is that we win the eternal crown. As the Letter to the Hebrews says, “Let us…persevere in running the race that lies before us while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, the leader and perfector of our faith” (12:1b-2). I share my story with joy, not to malign my previous employer nor to brag that God blessed me because of how prayerful I have been. My purpose is to share my conviction that when we take one step for the Lord, He will take hundred steps for us. If you ever find yourself being asked to compromise on God’s commandments but fear that saying no will bring negative financial consequences upon you and your family, I will dare to recommend, my dear brother or sister, that you risk jumping into financial darkness for the sake of the Lord…and trust in His mercy. The experience of the Saints, and my own humble experience, assures me that our God never abandons us.

Question: I want to start reading the Bible, but I don’t know where to start. Do I read it straight through, like a novel? Should I just open to a random page and start reading? What do you recommend? Answer: The Bible is such a powerful place to encounter Jesus! As Saint Jerome said, “Ignorance of Scripture is ignorance of Christ.” So, you are to be commended for wanting to make it part of your spiritual life! At first glance, the Bible can seem unwieldy, full of disjointed stories, long genealogies, laws and prophesies, poetry and songs, etc. I recommend two ways of reading the Bible. First, don’t read the Bible from beginning to end, because some books are tough to plow through! Instead, use Dr. Jeff Cavins “The Great Adventure Bible Timeline” to read your way through the overarching story of Salvation History—the story of how God worked throughout human history, starting with Creation, to save us from our sins. God created the world good, but human beings fell through original sin and brought evil into the world. But God did not abandon us. Instead, he formed relationships with us, called covenants, through with Abraham, Moses, and David. He taught us how to follow Him through the Law, and called us back to faithfulness to His promises through the prophets. Finally, God sent his son, Jesus, as the definitive solution to the human brokenness, pain, and anguish caused by sin. Through His life, death, and Resurrection, Jesus reconciled us to God once and for all, and established His Church to bring that salvation to the ends of the earth. The Bible tells this amazing story of Salvation History in various parts of various books. Dr. Cavins’ Timeline guides you through the books and chapters you should read to grasp the entire story, from Adam to Jesus. Another great way to read the Bible is called lectio divina. This “sacred reading” approach invites you to take a small passage and let God speak to you through it. It may be best to start with a passage from the Gospels or from the letters of Saint Paul—maybe 10-20 verses. The process of Lectio Divina involves four steps:  Lectio (Reading): First, pray to the Holy Spirit. Then, read the passage through once slowly (out-loud, if you can). Focus on any word, phrase, or image that stands out to you. Meditatio (Meditation): Read the passage a second time, and ask how God is communicating to you through the word, phrase or image that stood out. In what way does it apply to your life? Oratio (Prayer): Read the passage a third time, and speak to God about the word, phrase, or image that struck you. What does it reveal about God? Is He asking you to change in response to His word? Make a resolution to be more faithful to Him. Contemplatio (Contemplation): Sit quietly in God’s presence. Pay attention to any words, images, or memories that may surface in your thoughts—this is how God communicates in silence. Use this method on a daily basis to work your way through a gospel or Pauline letter. You will find that God will give you insights and wisdom you never thought you could have. May God bless your efforts to know Him through His Word! Whether you are reading it to understand Salvation History and how God has worked in the past or praying with Scripture through Lectio Divina to know how God is working in the present, the Word of God is living and effective, and it can change your life!

Truly, at any given moment any one of us can find at least a thousand excellent reasons to be miserable. Our lives never turn out exactly the way we had hoped. But if we stick to the facts—resisting the temptation to lust after fantasies, where we eye with longing some world, some work, some life other than the one we actually live—we will see that happiness is an act of the will. It’s a choice. In the monastery, the old monks have an expression: “That monk has been looking over the wall.” An unhappy monk will always be casting furtive glances out of the cloister and into other men’s lives, imagining that they dwell in halos of unremitting bliss. But hidden in the Gospel of John is the antidote to that temptation. The ninth chapter focuses on one of the bible’s more unlikely heroes: a man born blind. He is an unlikely hero not because he was blind but because in the course of the story, he shows himself to be lazy, obstinate, disobedient, disrespectful, and irreverent. Interrogated by the authorities concerning his miraculous cure, he answers, “You’re not listening to me, or is it that you people want to be his disciples?” He’s a real smart alec, and I am convinced that he is a teenager. (After twenty years in the classroom, I consider myself an authority on laziness, obstinacy, disobedience, disrespect, and irreverence. Plus…why else would they go to his parents? And why else would his parents need to point out that he was old enough to speak for himself). At any rate, Jesus appears to be the only person in the story who is not annoyed by him. But this kid has one redeeming quality—redeeming in the theological sense of the word. He may be disrespectful and obstinate, but he sticks to the facts. “How did you get your sight back?” they ask him. “I don’t know. He stuck in mud in my eyes and now I see.” “But that man is a sinner.” “Maybe so. I don’t know. I was blind and now I can see.” “But we have no idea where this guy is from.” “Who cares? I was blind and now I can see! How many times do I have to tell you?” Notice that he makes no profession of faith. And only after relentless interrogation does he finally acknowledge that this man Jesus (whoever he is) must be from God.He does not even thank Jesus afterward. Jesus has to find him. "Do you believe in the Son of Man?" says Jesus. "Who’s that?” Jesus says, "You’re talking to Him." Now I can imagine an alternative ending to this story where the teenager says, “Oh! Right. Thanks a lot for everything. But you know, maybe it wasn’t you who actually healed me. Maybe that was just a coincidence. Maybe my blindness was all psychological to begin with. Maybe there was something in that mud. Maybe I’d better go think about this for a while before I make any rash decisions.” But remember: this kid is a pragmatist. For better or for worse, he sticks to the facts. Saint John tells us that all he said was, "I do believe, Lord," and he worshipped Him. I once asked my novice master how I was supposed to know if God was really calling me to be a monk of Saint Louis Abbey. “Well,” he said after some thought, “You’re not somewhere else.” You are here and you are not somewhere else. This is cause enough for rejoicing.

Question: I am preparing to be married in a few months, but the idea of such a lifelong commitment fills me with anxiety. I know so many marriages that end in divorce or misery – how can I ensure that my marriage will remain strong and full of happiness? Answer: Congratulations on your engagement! This is an exciting time in your life, but also an important time to prepare – not just for the wedding, but for the many years of marriage that God will bless you with! Humanly speaking, marriage is a difficult reality, because it puts two very imperfect people together into one family…for the rest of their lives. But thankfully, marriage is not just a human reality: it was established by Christ as a Sacrament! As such, it is a source of grace for all who enter into it – graces that we can tap into at every moment! So, the first step to a happy marriage is to keep God at the center of it. Venerable Fulton Sheen wrote a book entitled, “Three to Get Married,” because the marriage is not just between a man and a woman it also includes a third person-- God, who must remain at the center. So pray together as a couple, and pray for your spouse. The more time you spend with God, the more you will become like Him – which is good, because you will need to develop virtues as you go through your married life! Patience, kindness, forgiveness, honesty, integrity, and self-sacrificing love are indispensable virtues. Even before your marriage, work on growing in these areas. Go to Confession regularly as you seek to grow to be more like Christ. Pray for these virtues; practice them daily—especially forgiveness. A good marriage never exists outside of a wider community, so surround yourself with mentors in your marriage – couples who have been married for a while and have weathered a few storms but have come out stronger. You can turn to them for advice and inspiration when rocky days come. Not all of these mentors need to be alive: some great saints lived the married life, such as St. Louis and Zelie Martin, or St. Monica, whose difficult marriage made her a great saint. Your marriage WILL be attacked – the Evil One hates good marriages, because marriage is the clearest icon of the Trinity here on earth. Just as the Trinity is a life-giving community of love, as three Divine Persons give of themselves to each other for eternity, so a good marriage should be a visible example of that here on earth – two persons who give of each other to their spouse so fully that their love results in new people being created (children). So the Devil abhors marriage with a special hatred. Prepare yourself for spiritual warfare, then. Usually that takes the form of a natural human disagreement being blown out of proportion. Perhaps you have a small disagreement and all of a sudden thoughts of divorce start nagging your mind; perhaps you will be tempted, as soon as you are married, to daydream about other husbands or wives; perhaps you will just find yourself too distracted to spend much time communicating with your spouse. Resist these attacks! As Protestant author John Eldredge likes to say, marriage involves two people “back-to-back with swords drawn”. The enemy is NEVER your spouse – you two are a team, bonded by vows and grace, fighting for your marriage by fighting the true Enemy, the Evil One. And we have many weapons! The Sacraments, the Word of God, prayer, fasting…all of these should be a regular part of your marriage. Rest secure that God will give you the grace to live out your vows, come what may. He is always generous with those who are generous with Him; He is faithful to those faithful to Him. Study the Church teaching on marriage and family, such as the encyclicals Humanae Vitae and Familiaris Consortio, or the “Theology of the Body” or “Love and Responsibility,” and conform your marriage to this beautiful vision for married love that the Church proposes. Most of all, never give up! Once when I was teaching a religious education class, I brought in a couple who had been married for over 50 years. They gave a great presentation about their marriage, and then they asked the kids if they had any questions. A precocious 12-year-old boy spoke up and said, “Did you ever think about splitting up?” There was a great deal of awkwardness in the room. Reluctantly, the wife said, “Well, yes, there have been days…” Her husband looked at her with surprise and replied, “Really? You too?” They persevered – and made it to 50 years. I pray that your marriage will do the same!

Life in my family has been a journey of both joy and sorrow. Love and joy have often been overshadowed by loss of friends, failure in exams, changing schools and housing troubles. I have experienced great misery and loneliness throughout these trials, but despite this, I would cling to the help of Our Lady who would support and comfort me. Starting high school was a great change in my life. Many of my friends and schoolmates from primary school had moved away to other high schools so I had to try to fit in with new people and find the ones who would be my friends. There was far more work and assessment in my new school and it was difficult without a close friend by my side. As the months passed, I wondered if these hardships and trials would ever come to an end. I prayed to Mother Mary for comfort during these hard times and started a ‘Do-It-Yourself’ retreat by Fr Michael E. Gaitley called “33 Days to Morning Glory” to prepare for consecration to Mary. Each day of the retreat includes a daily reading from the saints. I was inspired by key passages from the teachings of Saint Louis De Montfort, Saint Maximilian Kolbe, Saint Teresa of Calcutta and Pope Saint John Paul II. This book deepened my relationship with Mary and trust in her motherly care as I reflected on what I read while I prayed the Rosary every day. Now, when I am consumed by stress or worry, I simply pray the Rosary and I can sense Mother Mary’s comforting hand on my shoulder. “While I recite the Rosary, I am holding the hand of the Holy Mother. After the recital of the Rosary the Holy Mother holds my hand” (Pope John Paul II). As my love and trust for Mary deepened with each day of the retreat, I no longer felt sad and lonely at school. Praying the Rosary and other Marian prayers brought about a great change in my spiritual life. On the day of consecration, I woke up early in the morning to pray the consecration prayer. As the words passed my lips, my heart bubbled over with great joy and happiness as I revelled in the knowledge that I was finally consecrated to Mary. Many of us, faced with similar difficulties in our lives are often unsure about what to do or where to go. Let us take this opportunity to trust in Our Lady’s intercession. We need to remember that Mary experienced many sorrows and hardships when she was on earth and can understand exactly how we feel. Taking her hand and asking her to accompany us in our sufferings can lead us to ‘a path of roses and honey.’ Let us pray this powerful prayer asking for Mary’s help during the difficulties in life: Mother of God and our Mother, Pray for us to God, our merciful Father, That this great suffering may end and that hope and peace may dawn anew. Amen.

Little did I know that a simple family hike would help me decipher a life-changing strategy... Last year, my son wanted us to visit his college campus. Though I had seen the expansive university grounds and the mountains cradling them, his father and siblings had not. As restaurant owner/operators, scheduling the five-hour road trip and time away presented challenges, but I determined to make it happen. Since we could not manage more than a one-night retreat, I told my son to make the best use of our limited time. He chose a family hike. Will Over Ability I admit that at 49 I am more soft than firm. My regular exercise includes moving laundry bins, bending to pick up stray socks and forgotten books, and climbing the three sets of stairs in our house. When I planted my first step on the trail, I knew my will, not my ability, had to propel me forward. Quickly I fell to the rear as the others had greater stamina and lung capacity. A few yards into the ascent, my breathing became shallow and labored, and my calves stung from the contraction of my out-of-shape muscles. I realized I needed a strategy to complete the hike. I decided to let go of the big picture and focus on the details. Rather than concentrate on the three-mile trek, I would think about the next step. Often big-picture thinking makes me anxious, but attention to details tethers my mind to the present moment. I resolved to savor each observation and not stew in the what if's (what if my legs quit? what if I run out-of-steam? what if I can’t keep up?…). The Unseen World Soon, my mind became enraptured with the beauty of creation, I forgot the big picture altogether. I heard the gentle whistle of the wind and the rustling of leaves beneath the joyful chatter of my children. As I worked to keep pace and my lungs adapted to the exercise, a flush of warmth radiated across my skin. The soft green hue of plants still in bloom on the mountain floor caught my eye, as did the puzzles of bare, twisted vines in the fall canopy. My mind's eye opened to the unseen world above, below, and beside me. Stepping on the hard soil, I conjured images of insect armies marching nearby. I day-dreamed about the lives of the many creatures that inhabit our world: birds nesting in bare trees, rodents burrowing underground, and countless bugs climbing, flying, and marching. I thanked the all-good God for every single creature and every inch of the magnificent landscape he had placed me into that afternoon. Strategy Found At one point, I stopped to photograph a tree stump in order to remember that the now-decaying tree was part of God's plan for this mountain. In time, the stump will disappear, and its donation will be absorbed into the mountain itself. As I focused my camera on the dying tree, a rainbow streamed across the image. I remembered the covenant between God and humanity. I recalled that it continues today, and I thanked God for his faithfulness. My steps came easier when I wasn't counting. The journey became light when I laid down the yoke of what-ifs and invited Christ to walk alongside me. When temptation pushed in, I drew closer to Jesus. Rather than denying the challenge or becoming overwhelmed, I offered a prayer of surrender and entrusted my walk to his care. At the start of 2021, what I learned on that mountain hike is still unfolding. As the world spins into chaos anew, I am understanding the value of the present moment. While big picture thinking is important for mapping directions and establishing goals, it can rob us of the beauty, peace, and fellowship of the present moment. Freedom Awaits Had I focused on the length of the hike and my insufficient capabilities, I might have sat it out.  Instead, I discovered a treasury of beauty and blessing. Instead of obsessing over the big picture I am now focusing on the present moment. Snuggling on the couch with a loved one, reading a book aloud, pouring myself a mug of coffee and inhaling the aroma, or calling a friend and laughing together. I am becoming more attentive and finding more ways to put my love into action. My simple hike up a hill resulted in a new strategy for my life: being attentive to the present moment and expressing gratitude for the blessings in it. This strategy is making my journeys easier (whether hiking up a mountain, completing a daily task, carrying a heavy cross, or living through this unprecedented time in history). Living in the present has become the key to unlocking freedom, a freedom no one can suppress. Christ is in the present moment. Let’s look for Him there where we are sure to find Him.