Happiness: It’s a Choice

When a terrible loss led Josh Blakesley into the light, music from his soul became a balm to many bleeding hearts. Growing up in the small town of Alexandria, Josh was a carefree child. He grew up listening to his Dad’s music; two elder sisters with a great music collection was a bonus that nurtured his musical taste. Without professional training or theoretical inputs, in an age with no internet and YouTube, Josh had what he would later call ‘a side entry’ into the world of music. Starting on the drums and simultaneously learning to sing, he was enamored by the likes of Don Henley and Phil Collins, following their legendary works through magazines and books. With his mother, though, Church was a non-negotiable matter. Thanks to her insistence, he went to Mass every Sunday. But he would leave God there and live the rest of his life on a totally different plane. Diving Deeper They met in Spanish class when he was 15, and unlike any other 15-year-old, she took him along to a prayer meeting. This was new and different from anything he had experienced before. Teenagers his age were coming together to worship the Lord. This worship experience was modern and engaging…with music, talks, and skits by people his age! He was intrigued, but he wouldn’t have kept coming back every week if Jenny hadn’t asked him to. Several months later, Jenny was hit by a drunk driver and killed in an accident. Her loss was a huge blow to the entire community. As he struggled with the grief of losing her, it triggered a realization that life here is finite, and there must be purpose in it, a reason that we are living. From that very moment, he began a journey, searching for answers to the questions that fascinated him…‘What is the reason for me? What is the purpose of what I’m doing right now? Why has God put me on this planet? What’s my role while I’m here?’ He started diving more into why we were here on this planet. In realizing that his gifts were from God, and in searching for a purpose in the use of these gifts, he realized that he wanted to give back to God and return the love. A Bolt of Realization He started playing music for Mass and getting involved in the liturgy. As he puts it: “There has been a faith part to my music and a music part to my faith as well. Those are still ingrained. I pray through music a lot”. And it is this experience of prayer that he tries to hand over to his brethren through writing and playing music. The “awesome and overwhelming” experience of leading people into worship and hearing them singing along makes him whisper so often: “The Lord is moving right now, and I don’t have to work.” Bridging the Gap Josh is now a full-time singer, songwriter, producer, music director, husband, and dad. Even while leading the music at Mass every Sunday, Josh knows that Mass can happen without music—what a musician does at Mass doesn’t bring Jesus any greater into the room; He is there regardless. What a musician can do is “elevate the worship of the faithful by bringing some extra beauty through music.” This indeed, is one of his life goals—to try and bridge that gap and bring quality music into the liturgy. But he doesn’t stop there; in addition to adding beauty to the Sacramental experience, he goes another mile to bring God to the people. Right from His Heart As a Catholic musician, Josh writes songs for the Mass and writes from the heart. Sometimes, when it comes out, it might not be out rightly Mass-material, but what comes out is still a tribute to God for the gift of music. He relates that his song Even in This was such an experience right from his heart. The Church community he was part of had just lost a teen, and seeing them go through the pain, the tragedy, and the devastation took him back to his own experience of losing a dear friend in his teenage years. Diving into the pain, he wrote that even in these darkest nights, God is with us. In the ‘valleys of pain’, in the ‘shattered, broken things’, in the ' hurt you cannot hide’ and the ‘fear you cannot fight’, he reassures his listeners that though you cannot see God, “You are not alone.” This is one message Josh wants to repeat to the world: “God is moving with you.”

Would my life ever return to normal? How can I possibly continue my work? Brooding over these, a terrible solution popped into my head… I was finding life extremely stressful. In my fifth year at college, the onset of bipolar disorder was hindering my efforts to complete my teaching degree. I had no diagnosis yet, but I was plagued with insomnia, and I looked frazzled and unkempt, which impeded my prospects of employment as a teacher. Since I had strong natural tendencies toward perfectionism, I felt so ashamed and feared that I was letting everyone down. I spiraled into anger, despondency, and depression. People were concerned about my decline and tried to help. I was even sent to the hospital by ambulance from the school, but doctors could find nothing wrong except elevated blood pressure. I prayed but found no consolation. Even Easter Mass—my favorite time—didn’t break the vicious cycle. Why wouldn’t Jesus help me? I felt so angry with Him. Finally, I just stopped praying. As this continued, day after day, month after month, I didn’t know what to do. Would my life ever return to normal? It seemed unlikely. As graduation approached, my fear increased. Teaching is a tough job with few breaks, and the students would need me to remain level-headed while dealing with their many needs and providing a good learning environment. How could I possibly do this in my current state? A terrible solution popped into my head: “You should just kill yourself.” Instead of casting off that thought and sending it straight back to hell where it belonged, I let it sit. It seemed like a simple, logical answer to my dilemma. I just wanted to be numb instead of under constant attack. To my utter regret, I chose despair. But, in what I expected to be my last moments, I thought of my family and the type of person I had once been. In genuine remorse, I raised my head to the heavens and said: “I’m so sorry, Jesus. Sorry for everything. Just give me what I deserve.” I thought those would be the last words I would utter in this life. But God had other plans. Listening to the Divine My mother was, by providence, praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet at that very moment. Suddenly, she heard the words loud and clear in her heart “Go find Ellen.” She obediently set aside her rosary beads and found me on the floor of the garage. She caught on quickly, exclaiming in horror: “What are you doing?!” while she pulled me into the house. My parents were heartbroken. There’s no rulebook for times such as these, but they decided to take me to Mass. I was totally broken, and I needed a Savior more than ever before. I longed for a come-to-Jesus moment, but I was convinced that I was the last person in the world He would ever want to see. I wanted to believe that Jesus is my Shepherd and would come after His lost sheep, but it was hard because nothing had changed. I was still consumed by intense self-hatred, oppressed by darkness. It was almost physically painful. During the preparation of the gifts, I broke down in tears. I had not cried for a really long time, but once I started, I couldn’t stop. I was at the end of my own strength, with no idea where to go next. But as I wept, the weight slowly lifted, and I felt myself enfolded in His Divine Mercy. I didn’t deserve it, but He gave me the gift of Himself, and I knew that He loved me the same at my lowest point as much as He loved me at my highest point. In Pursuit of Love In the days to come, I could barely face God, but He kept showing up and pursuing me in the little things. I re-established communication with Jesus with the aid of a Divine Mercy picture in our living room. I tried to talk, mostly complaining about the struggle and then feeling bad about it in light of the recent rescue. Weirdly, I thought I could hear a tender voice whispering: “Did you really think I would leave you to die? I love you. I will never forsake you. I promise to never leave you. All is forgiven. Trust in my mercy.” I wanted to believe this, but I couldn’t trust that it was true. I was growing discouraged at the walls I was erecting, but I kept chatting with Jesus: “How do I learn to trust You?” The answer surprised me. Where do you go when you feel no hope but have to go on living? When you feel totally unlovable, too proud to accept anything yet desperately wanting to be humble? In other words, where do you want to go when you want a full reconciliation with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit but are too scared and disbelieving of a loving reception to find your way home? The answer is the Blessed Virgin Mary, Mother of God, and Queen of Heaven. While I was learning to trust, my awkward attempts did not displease Jesus. He was calling me closer, closer to His Sacred Heart, through His Blessed Mother. I fell in love with Him and His faithfulness. I could admit everything to Mary. Although I feared that I could not keep my promise to my earthly mother because, on my own, I was still barely mustering the will to live, my mother inspired me to consecrate my life to Mary, trusting that she would help me get through this. I didn’t know much about what that meant, but 33 Days to Morning Glory and Consoling the Heart of Jesus by Father Michael E. Gaitley, MIC, helped me understand. The Blessed Mother is always willing to be our intercessor, and she will never turn down a request from a child wanting to return to Jesus. As I went through the consecration, I resolved never to attempt suicide again with the words: “No matter what happens, I will not quit.” Meanwhile, I started taking long walks on the beach while I talked with God the Father and meditated on the parable of the prodigal son. I tried to put myself in the shoes of the prodigal son, but it took me some time to get close to God the Father. First, I imagined Him at a distance, then walking toward me. Another day, I pictured Him running towards me even though it made Him look ridiculous to His friends and neighbors. Finally, the day came when I could picture myself in the arms of the Father, then being welcomed not just to His home but to my seat at the family table. As I envisaged Him pulling out a chair for me, I was no longer a headstrong young woman but a 10-year-old girl with ridiculous glasses and a bob haircut. When I accepted the Father’s love for me, I became like a little child again, living in the present moment and trusting Him completely. I fell in love with God and His faithfulness. My Good Shepherd has saved me from the prison of fear and anger, continuing to lead me along the safe path and carrying me when I falter. Now, I want to share my story so that everyone can know God’s goodness and love. His Sacred Heart is welling up with tender love and mercy just for you. He wants to love you lavishly, and I encourage you to welcome Him without fear. He will never abandon you or let you down. Step into His light and come home.

I lost my iPhone a year ago. At first, it felt like a limb was amputated. I had owned one for thirteen years, and it was like an extension of myself. In the beginning days, I used the “new iPhone” like a phone, but it soon became an alarm clock, a calculator, the news, weather, banking, and much more…and then…it was gone. As I was forced into detox, I had many pressing problems. My shopping lists now needed to be written on paper. An alarm clock was purchased, and a calculator. I missed the daily ‘ping’ of messages and the scramble to open them (and the feeling of being wanted). But I was sensing the peace of not having this little piece of metal dominating my life. I hadn’t realized how demanding and controlling the device was until it was gone. The world didn’t stop. I just had to relearn new-old ways of interacting with the world, like talking to people face to face and making plans for events. I wasn’t in a hurry to replace it. In fact, its demise led to a welcome revolution in my life. I started experimenting with minimal media in my life. No newspapers, magazines, radio, television, or phone. I kept an iPad for work emails, selected YouTube videos on the weekend, and a few independent news pages. It was an experiment but one that has left me feeling calm and peaceful, enabling me to use my time for prayer and Scripture. I could now cling to God more easily, who is “the same, yesterday, and today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8). The First Commandment asks us to “love the Lord your God with all Your heart and mind and soul and love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:30-31). I wonder how we can do that when our mind is on our phones for most of the day! Do we truly love God with our minds? Romans 12:2 says: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” I challenge you to abstain from the media, even for a little while and even for a little bit. Feel that transforming difference in your life. Only when we give ourselves a break will we be able to love the Lord our God with renewed minds.

Trapped in the busy and burdensome web of everyday life, is it possible to keep yourself connected to God? Sometimes, it seems as though my faith goes through seasons each year. At certain times, it is blossoming like the sunbathed flowers of summer. This is usually during vacation time. At other times, my faith feels like the sleeping world of winter—dormant, not in full bloom. This is typical during the school year when my schedule does not allow for daily adoration or hourly prayer breaks, unlike the free vacation times. These hectic months are usually occupied by classes, chores, activities, and time with family and friends. It is easy, amidst the hustle and bustle, not to necessarily forget God but to let Him fall into the background. We may go to church every Sunday, say our prayers, and even pray a daily Rosary, but we keep our faith and ‘normal’ life separate. Religion and God are not meant to be saved strictly for Sundays or summer breaks. Faith is not something we should cling to solely in times of distress or return to briefly just to give thanks and then forget. Rather, faith should be interwoven with every area of our daily life too. Daily Humdrum Whether we own our own house, stay in a college dorm, or live with our family, there are certain jobs we cannot escape. Homes must be clean, clothes must be washed, food must be made...Now, these tasks all seem like boring necessities—things that mean nothing, yet we still have to do them. They even take up the time we could have used to step into the adoration chapel for thirty minutes or attend daily mass. Yet, when we have little children at home who need clean clothes or parents coming home after work who would like to find scrubbed floors, this isn’t always a realistic alternative. Filling our time with these necessities, though, doesn’t have to become time taken away from God. Saint Thérèse of Lisieux is well known for her “little way.” This method centers on the little things with immense love and intention. In one of my favorite stories of Saint Therese, she wrote about a pot in the kitchen that she hated to wash (Yes, even Saints have to wash dishes!). She found the task incredibly disagreeable, so she decided to offer it to God. She would finish the chore with such joy, knowing that something seemingly meaningless was given purpose by bringing God into the equation. Whether we’re washing dishes, folding laundry, or scrubbing floors, each boring chore can become a prayer by simply dedicating it to God. Magnified Joy Sometimes, when the secular society looks at the religious community, they do so with the assumption that the two worlds can never collide. I’ve been shocked to learn that so many people think you can’t follow the Bible and have fun! This could not be further from the truth. Some of my favorite activities include surfing, dancing, singing, and photography; much of my time is devoted to doing them. Often, I dance to religious music and create videos for Instagram paired with a message of faith in my caption. I’ve sung in church as a cantor and love using my gifts to serve God directly. Yet, I also love performing in shows like The Wizard of Oz or photographing football games—secular things that bring me great joy. This joy is further magnified when I offer these activities to the Lord. Backstage of a show, you will always find me praying before my entrance, offering the performance to God, and asking for Him to be with me as I dance or sing. Simply working out to stay in shape is something else I both enjoy and value to maintain my health. Before I start a run, I offer it to God. Often, in the middle of it, I place my exhaustion in His hands and ask Him for the strength to help me make the final mile. One of my favorite ways to exercise and worship God is to go for a rigorous Rosary walk, thereby working out both my body and my spiritual well-being! In Everything, Everywhere We do often forget to find God in other people, don’t we? One of my favorite books is a biography of Mother Teresa. The author, Father Leo Maasburg, knew her personally. He recalls once seeing her deep in prayer as a reporter timidly inched up, afraid to interrupt to ask his question. Curious as to how she would react, Father was surprised to see her turn to the reporter with joy and love on her face rather than irritation. He remarked how, in her mind, she had simply turned her attention from Jesus to Jesus. Jesus tells us: “Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family,[a] you did it to me.” (Matthew 25:40). But Jesus is not only found in the poor or the sick. He’s found in our siblings, our friends, our teachers, and coworkers. Simply showing love, kindness, and mercy to those who stumble across our path can be yet another way to give love to God in our busy lives. When you bake cookies for a friend’s birthday or even just go out to lunch with someone you haven’t seen in a while, you can bring God’s love into their lives and further fulfill His will. Wherever You are… Within our own lives, we move through different stages as we age and grow. The daily routines of a priest or a nun will look very different from those of a faithful layperson with a family to care for. The daily routines of a high schooler will likewise be different from the routines of the same individual once they’ve reached adulthood. That is what is so beautiful about Jesus—He meets us where we are. He doesn’t want us to leave Him at the altar; in the same way, He doesn’t simply leave us when we exit His church. So, instead of feeling like you’ve let go of God as your life gets busy, find ways to invite Him into everything you do, and you will find that everything in your life becomes infused with greater love and purpose.

You may or may not be a good dancer, but you are still called to sway in this dance of life It was a beautiful morning; the sun was shining brightly, and I could feel its warmth seeping into my exhausted bones. By contrast, mentally, I was in great spirits, enjoying the beautiful Perth scenery as I strolled along the foreshore at Matilda Bay. I paused on the riverbank to allow the natural beauty to fill my senses. The melody of waves breaking on the shore, the cool breeze gently ruffling through my hair as it danced through the trees, the subtle scent of salt and bushland, the delicate mosaic of tiny white shells adorning the sand…I felt rather overwhelmed by the experience. An image of ballroom dancing flashed through my head. In my mind’s eye, I pictured God dancing with me... Syncing in When you begin ballroom dancing, there is a phase where your whole attention is focused on trying to remain in sync with your partner and avoid mistakes. You are consumed with fear of stumbling over the other person's feet or moving the wrong foot in the wrong direction. Consequently, this self-conscious effort to control your movements makes your body stiff and rigid, making it difficult for your partner to lead you in the steps of the dance. But if you loosen up, flow with the music, and let your partner be the guide, he will lead you in a beautiful, enchanting, rhythmic dance. If you allow this to happen, you will speedily learn to dance as beautifully as your partner, feeling your feet moving gracefully across the floor as you enjoy the rhythm of the dance. Hold My Hands Reflecting on that image, I felt as if God was saying: “You and I are partners in this dance of life, but we cannot dance well together if you don’t allow Me to lead you. I am the expert, guiding you to excel if you follow Me, but I cannot if you insist on keeping control. On the contrary, if you surrender yourself and allow Me to lead you in this dance, I will keep you safe, and we will dance beautifully. Do not be afraid to stumble on My feet because I know how to guide you. So, entrust yourself to My embrace and join Me in this dance together. Wherever the music takes us, I will show you the way.” As I pondered these thoughts, I felt a deep sense of gratitude to God, for always being present in my life, leading me in this dance. He knows my every thought and desire and never fails to bring them to fruition in ways I do not expect (Psalm 139). God accompanies each of us in this dance of life, always ready to take us in His arms and guide us expertly. Some of us are beginners, still taking baby steps, while others are advanced enough to assist the rest, but none of us are so advanced that we could ever afford to step away from the lead dancer. More Happier, Less Anxious Even Our Lady, God's perfect dancing partner, knows that her expertise in the dance comes from following His every move with perfect grace. From an early age, Mary accepted His loving embrace, following His lead perfectly in even the smallest things. Her ear was attentive to the rhythm of Heavenly music so that she never took a false step. Mary was perfectly at one with God in mind and heart. Her will was so in tune with God that she could utter: “Be it done to me according to Your will” (Luke 1:38). What God wants is also what Mary wants. If we let go of our desire to serve ourselves first and, like Mary, lose ourselves in the Lord’s embrace, our lives will be freer, happier, more meaningful, and less anxious, stressful, and depressing.

On a scorching afternoon on the streets of Calcutta, I met a boy… Prayer is an undeniable, central, and key part of every Christian’s life. However, Jesus emphasized two more things which clearly went hand in hand with prayer—fasting and almsgiving (Matthew 6:1-21). During the seasons of Lent and Advent, we are specifically called to commit more time and effort to all three ascetic practices. ‘More’ is the important word. Whatever season we are in, radical self-denial and giving are a continuous call for each baptized believer. Around eight years ago, God literally made me stop and think about it.  Unexpected Meeting In 2015, I had the great privilege and blessing of fulfilling a lifelong dream to be with and serve some of the most in-need brothers and sisters worldwide in Calcutta, India, where the poor are described not only as poor but the ‘poorest of the poor.’ From the moment I landed, it was as though electricity was running through my veins. I felt such immense gratitude and love in my heart to be given this amazing opportunity to serve God with Saint Mother Teresa’s religious order, the Missionaries of Charity. The days were long but absolutely action-packed and grace-filled. Whilst I was there, I did not intend to waste a moment. After a 5 AM start to each day with an hour of prayer, followed by Holy Mass and breakfast, we set off to serve at a home for the sick, destitute, and dying adults. During the break at lunchtime, after a light meal, many of the religious brothers I was staying with took a siesta to recharge their batteries, to be ready to go again in the afternoon and on into the evening.  One day, instead of having a rest in the house, I decided to go for a walk to find a local internet café, to contact my family by email. As I turned one of the corners, I encountered a young boy aged around seven or eight years old. His face expressed a mixture of frustration, anger, sadness, hurt, and tiredness. Life had already seemed to have begun to take its toll on him. He was carrying over his shoulder the biggest transparent, heavy-duty plastic bag that I had seen in my life. It contained plastic bottles and other plastic items, and it was full.  My heart broke within me as we stood silently examining one another. My thoughts then went to what I could give this young boy. My heart sank, as I reached for my pocket, realizing that I only had a small amount of change with me to use for the internet. It added up to less than one pound in English money. As I gave it to him, looking him in the eye, his whole being seemed to change. He was so lifted and grateful, as his beautiful smile lit up his beautiful face. We shook hands, and he walked on. As I remained standing in that back street of Calcutta, I stood in awe as I knew that the Almighty God had just personally taught me such a powerful life-changing lesson through this encounter. Reaping Blessings I felt God had beautifully taught me in that moment that it is not the actual gift that is important but the disposition, intention, and love from the heart with which a gift is given. Saint Mother Teresa beautifully summed this up saying, “We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love.” Indeed, Saint Paul said, if we give away all we have “but have not love,” we gain nothing (1 Corinthians 13:3). Jesus describes the beauty of giving, that when we “give… it will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For the measure you give will be the measure you get back.” (Luke 6:38). Saint Paul also reminds us that “Whatever a man sows, that he will also reap” (Gal 6:7). We do not give in order to receive, but God in His infinite wisdom and goodness blesses us personally in this life and also in the next when we step out in love (John 4:34-38). As Jesus taught us, “it is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35).

Q – The United States is in the midst of a three-year “Eucharistic Revival” campaign to try to inspire greater belief in Christ’s Real Presence. What are some practical ways that my family can practice greater reverence for the Eucharist? A – A recent study said that only one-third of Catholics believe that Jesus Christ is truly present in the Holy Eucharist. In response, the Church is trying to reawaken what Saint John Paul II calls “Eucharistic amazement”—an awe and wonder in the Real Presence: Jesus, hidden yet truly present in the Eucharist. How can we do this as a family? Here are some suggestions: First, presence If we knew that someone would be freely giving out a thousand dollars every week at a certain location, we would make sure to be there. Yet we receive something far more valuable—God Himself. The God Who created all the gold in the universe. The God Who loved you into existence. The God Who died to purchase your eternal salvation. The God Who alone can make us happy in eternal life. The first step to a Eucharistic life is to make whatever sacrifices necessary to get to Mass at least weekly (or more often, if necessary). My father would often go to great lengths to take me and my brothers to Mass after a Scout camp-out. My brother could not try out for an elite baseball team because tryouts were on a Sunday morning. Wherever we went on vacation, my parents made sure to locate the closest Catholic Church. Considering how immensely valuable the Eucharist is, He is worth every sacrifice! Second, purity Making sure that our souls are clean from grave sin is a prerequisite to the Eucharistic banquet. No one would sit down at Thanksgiving dinner without washing their hands—neither should any Christian approach the Eucharist without being cleansed in Confession. Third, passion Throughout history, Catholics have risked their lives to attend Mass. Even today, there are at least 12 countries in the world where there are significant restrictions on Catholics, such as China, North Korea, and Iran. And yet Catholics are still willing to attend, despite the challenges. Do we have that same hunger for Him? Stir it up in your heart! Realize that we are summoned to the throne room of the King; we receive a front-row seat to the Sacrifice of Calvary. We are indeed allowed to partake in the foretaste of Heaven at every Mass! Fourth, prayer Once we have received Him, we ought to spend significant time in prayer. The great evangelist of Rome, Saint Philip Neri, used to send two altar boys with lit candles to follow anyone who left Mass early—recognizing that the person was literally a living tabernacle after they had received Christ! Immediately after receiving Him, we have such a privileged time to share our heart with Him, since He substantially dwells only a few inches below our hearts, in our bodies! But this prayer to Christ’s Eucharistic presence should last long after Mass is concluded, as well. There was once a saint who wanted to live a Eucharistic life, but could only get to Mass on Sundays. She dedicated Thursday, Friday, and Saturday to a spiritual preparation for Holy Communion. Then on Sunday, she rejoiced that she could receive Him—and spent Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday in thanksgiving for having received Him! So we ought to spend time in prayer throughout the week to thank God for the Eucharist we have received and to prepare our hearts for receiving this gift again! Fifth, praise A Eucharistic life continues with Eucharistic Adoration, which continues the worship of our Eucharistic Lord. Go to Adoration as often as you can. As Blessed Carlo Acutis said, “When we face the sun, we become tan, but when we place ourselves in front of the Eucharistic Jesus, we become saints.” He knew that it was God alone who made us holy, and by being in His presence, He would do the work! I can testify to this. My parish started Perpetual Adoration (24 hours a day, seven days a week) when I was a teen, and I began to spend an hour in weekly Adoration. It was there that I realized how much the Lord loved me and that I was being called to give my life to Him as a priest. It was a huge part of my own conversion. In fact, my home parish had been in existence for more than 160 years without a single religious vocation from a young parishioner. After only 20 years of Adoration, our parish has produced over 12 religious vocations! Blessed Carlo Acutis reminds us again, “The Eucharist is my highway to Heaven.” We do not need to look far to wonder where God dwells and how to find Him—He dwells in every Tabernacle in every Catholic Church in the world!

Blessings were abundant: friends, family, money, vacations—you name it, I had it all. So how did it all go so wrong? I didn't really have a wonderful storybook childhood—tell me someone who has—but I wouldn't say it was terrible. There was always food on the table, clothes on my back, and a roof over my head, but we struggled. I don't just mean we struggled financially, which we definitely did, but I mean we struggled to find our way as a family. My parents were divorced by the time I was six, and my father turned to heavier drinking than ever before. Meanwhile, my mother found men who were into the same drugs and habits as she was. Though we had a rough start, it didn't stay that way. Eventually, against all statistical odds, both of my parents and my now stepfather, by the grace of God, got sober and have stayed that way. Relationships were rebuilt, and the sun began to rise in our lives again. A few years went by, and there came a point when I realized that I had to do something productive and different in my life so that I could avoid all of the pitfalls of my childhood. I buckled down and went back to school. I got my barber’s license and worked myself into a nice career. I made plenty of money and met the woman of my dreams. The opportunity eventually arose, and I started a second career in law enforcement in addition to cutting hair. Everyone liked me, I had friends in very high places, and it looked as if the sky was the limit. So how'd I end up in prison? Unbelievably True Wait a minute, this isn't my life…this can't be real…HOW IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?! You see, despite everything I had, I was missing something. The worst part of it was that I knew all along exactly what that something was, and I ignored it. It's not like I didn't ever try, but I just couldn't give God my everything. Instead, I lost it all…or did I? This is how it is: Whatever sin you're holding onto will eventually work its roots deep down into the core of your soul and choke you out until you can't breathe anymore. Even seemingly insignificant sins demand more of you, little by little, until your life is upside down, and you're so disoriented that you don't know which way is up. That's how it started for me. I began giving in to my lustful thoughts somewhere around middle school. By the time I was in college, I was a full-fledged womanizer. When I did finally meet the woman of my dreams, there was no way I could ever do what was right anymore. How could someone like me be faithful? But that's not all. For a while, I tried to go to Mass and do all the right things. I went to confession regularly and joined clubs and committees, but I always kept just a little bit of my old sins for myself. It's not necessarily that I wanted to, but I was so attached, and I was afraid to let go. Time went on, and I slowly stopped going to Mass. My old sinful ways began to fester and creep back into the forefront of my life. Time moved fast, and pleasures swirled all around me as I threw caution to the wind. I was high on life. On top of it all, I was very successful and admired by many. Then it all came crashing down. I made some terrible choices that left me serving a 30-year prison sentence. More importantly, I left behind people who loved and cared for me with a lifetime of pain. You see, sin has a way of convincing you to go further than you've gone and making you more depraved than you once were. Your moral compass becomes confused. Worse things seem more exciting, and the old sins don't cut it anymore. Before you know it, you've become someone you don't even recognize. Fast forward to the present day... I live in an 11x9 ft. cell, and I spend twenty-two hours a day locked inside of it. There is chaos all around me. This is not how I imagined my life would turn out. But, I found God within these walls. I have spent the last few years here in prison praying and seeking the help I needed. I have been studying Scripture and taking lots of classes. I've also been sharing the message of God's mercy and peace with all the other inmates who will listen to me. It took an extreme wake-up call before I finally surrendered to God, but now that I have, my life has been totally different. I wake up every morning thankful to be alive. I am grateful every day for the shower of blessings that I receive despite my incarceration. For the first time in my life, I experienced peace in my soul. It took me losing my physical liberty to find my spiritual freedom. You don't have to go to prison to find and accept God's peace. He will meet you wherever you are, but let me warn you—if you hold anything back from Him, you may very well end up being my neighbor in prison. If you recognize yourself in this story, please don't wait to seek professional help and guidance, starting from, but not limited to, your local parish priest. There is no shame in admitting you have a problem, and there is no better time than NOW to get help. If you're in prison and you're reading this, I want you to know that it's not too late for you. God loves you. He can forgive whatever it is you've done. Jesus Christ shed His precious blood to forgive all of us who come to Him with our pain and our brokenness. You can start right now, this very moment, by recognizing that you are powerless without Him. Cry out to Him with the words of the tax collector: "O God, be merciful to me, a sinner" (Luke 18:13). I leave you with this: "What profit would there be for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life?" (Matthew. 16:26)

Q – My family is having a problem with one of my siblings, and I often have to speak about her to my other siblings. Is it venting? Is it gossip? Is it okay, or sinful? A – St. James recognizes the challenges of controlling the tongue. In the third chapter of his Epistle, he writes, “When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal…Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider how a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. All kinds of animals have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?” (James 3:3-12). American radio host Bernard Meltzer once laid down three rules for whether or not we should say something about another. Is it necessary? Is it true? Is it kind? These are three great questions to ask! When speaking about your sister, is it necessary that your other family members know about her faults and failings? Are you relaying the objective truth or exaggerating her weak points? Do you assume the best of her intentions, or do you impugn negative motives to her actions? Once, a woman went to St. Philip Neri and confessed the sin of gossip. As a penance, Fr. Neri assigned her to take a pillow filled with down feathers and rip it open on top of a tall tower. The woman thought it a strange penance, but she did so and watched the feathers fly to the four winds. Returning to the saint, she asked him what that meant. He replied, “Now, go and collect all of those feathers.” She replied that it was impossible. He answered, “So it is with the words we say. We can never take them back because they have been sent out on the winds to places we will never understand.” Now, there are times when we do need to share negative things about others. I teach in a Catholic school, and at times I need to share something about a student’s behavior with a colleague. This always gives me a pause—am I doing it for the right reasons? Do I truly want what’s best for this student? Many times, I find myself enjoying telling stories about students that reflect them in a bad light, and when I get enjoyment out of another person’s misfortunes or bad behavior, then I have definitely crossed the line into sin. There are three types of sins that injure another person’s reputation. There is rash judgment, which means we too quickly assume the worst about a person’s behavior or intention. Second, there is calumny, which means telling negative lies about another. Finally, detraction is disclosing another person’s faults or failings without grave reason. So, in the case of your sister, is it detraction to share her faults? Only without a grave reason. You could ask yourself: if you do not share her faults, will she or another person be harmed? If not–and it is solely for “venting”–then we have indeed indulged in the sin of detraction. But if it is truly necessary for the good of the family, then it is legitimate to speak about her behind her back. To combat sins of the tongue, I recommend three things. First, spread good things about your sister! Everyone has redeeming qualities that we can speak about. Second, pray the Divine Praises, a beautiful prayer that glorifies and praises God, as reparation for the way we have used our tongue negatively. Finally, consider how we would like to be spoken of. Nobody would like to have their faults on parade. So with compassion, we treat others well in our words, in the hopes that we would receive the same kindness!

Saying ‘No’ would mean plunging her family into a dark hole of financial stress, yet she took that firm step…  I am a 31-year-old Ex-Assistant Professor from India. ‘Ex’ because it has been months since I gave up that title. After graduating from college in 2011, I spent the next four years preparing for the Chartered Accountancy course, the equivalent of CPA preparation. I soon realized that pursuing CA was not my calling and dropped out. A Dream Come True Giving up what many would consider a lucrative career might seem foolish, but my decision led me to recognize and acknowledge my real passion, which is teaching, something I had dreamed about since childhood. After I shifted my focus to a teaching career, God blessed me with a teaching job in the Primary Section of a well-acclaimed school. Though I taught in that school for four years, I wasn’t content because my childhood dream was to be a college Professor. By the grace of God, after nearly four years of teaching, I received the certification I needed to apply for an open position as Assistant Professor at a local college. When I was offered the job, I joyfully lived my dream and served the needs of my students for two years as an Assistant Professor. Difficult Choice In the middle of my third year, our college began the accreditation process that confers a ‘Quality Status’ to institutions of higher education. Though it was a lengthy, painstaking process with too heavy a workload, things went ahead smoothly in the beginning. But eventually, we were pressured to take part in unethical behavior that bothered me greatly. The administration required us to create fake records and to document academic activities that never took place. My reaction was disgust—so strong that I wanted to leave my job. However, things were not fine at home. We are a family of four. My parents were not working, and my brother had lost his job. Being the sole earner in the family, it would be difficult to give up the job. Due to the pandemic, it would also be difficult to find another job. Despite all this, I somehow mustered the courage and submitted my resignation. But my supervisors refused to accept it, promising that I would no longer need to create false documents and that I could even work from home. Reluctantly, I accepted the terms. Within months, however, I was again asked to document an academic seminar which never took place. Each time I indulged in such malpractice, I felt like I was betraying the Lord. I shared this dilemma with my spiritual mentors who encouraged me to give up this job that did not glorify God. Tryst with Destiny Finally, I mustered the courage and I said ‘no’ to my supervisors. And it was a BIG no. Instead of submitting the assigned task, I submitted my resignation. I left the job immediately and refused my salary for the previous month since I was leaving without giving notice. Financially, I had jumped into utter darkness. My family relied on my income. My mother’s recent surgery had drained the family’s savings. I barely had enough to cover the next month’s expenses. I didn't know what to do. I didn't tell my father and brother about quitting my job because they would never have approved. I did the only thing I could do—I held firm to the Lord and relied on His strength. I sought the intercession of Mamma Mary by praying the Holy Rosary constantly. Days and weeks passed, and I received no calls for interviews. Fear started gripping my soul. By the end of September, I still had no interviews scheduled by any of the recruiters whom I had approached. I was desperate. An Incredible Surprise On September 30, I finally received a phone call from an International School located near my home inviting me to interview for a position to teach the same genre of subjects I had taught at the college. This was an incredible surprise. This School, based on Cambridge University IGCSE curriculum, requires a level of subject knowledge equivalent to that expected of undergraduate faculty at an Indian University. I was offered the position and finalized my employment in early October 2021. And God also blessed me with a higher salary than I earned at the college. Praise be to God! Today, when people ask why I left college to teach in a high school, I share how awesome my God has been to me. Even if my new position had been a humbler job with less salary, I would still have accepted it joyfully for the sake of my Lord Jesus. As I look back, I realize that worldly titles don’t matter. What does matter is that we win the eternal crown. As the Letter to the Hebrews says, “Let us…persevere in running the race that lies before us while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, the leader and perfector of our faith” (12:1b-2). I share my story with joy, not to malign my previous employer nor to brag that God blessed me because of how prayerful I have been. My purpose is to share my conviction that when we take one step for the Lord, He will take hundred steps for us. If you ever find yourself being asked to compromise on God’s commandments but fear that saying no will bring negative financial consequences upon you and your family, I will dare to recommend, my dear brother or sister, that you risk jumping into financial darkness for the sake of the Lord…and trust in His mercy. The experience of the Saints, and my own humble experience, assures me that our God never abandons us.