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A gift that you can access from anywhere in the world, and guess what? It’s free not just for you but for everyone!

Imagine that you are lost in a deep pit of darkness and hopelessly groping around. Suddenly, you see a great light and someone reaching out to rescue you. What a relief! The overwhelming peace and joy can’t be fully expressed in words. The Samaritan woman felt like this when she met Jesus at the well. He told her: “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you: ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.” (John 4:10) As soon as she heard these words, the woman realized that she had been waiting her whole life for this. “Give me this water, so that I may never be thirsty,” she implored: (John 4:15) It was only then, in response to her request and thirst for knowledge of the Messiah, that Jesus revealed Himself to her: “I am He, the One who is speaking to you.” (John 4:26)

He is the living water that quenches every thirst—the thirst for acceptance, the thirst for understanding, the thirst for forgiveness, the thirst for justice, the thirst for happiness, and most importantly, the thirst for love, God’s love.

Until You Ask…

The gift of Christ’s presence and mercy is available for everyone. “God proves His love for us in that, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) He died for every sinner so that by the Blood of Christ, we may be cleansed from our sin and be reconciled with God. But, like the Samaritan woman, we need to ask Jesus.

As Catholics, we can easily do this through the Sacrament of Penance, confessing our sins and being reconciled with God when the priest absolves us from sin, using the power given by God to act in persona Christi (in the person to Christ). It gives me great peace to frequent this Sacrament because the more I do it, the more I become receptive to the Holy Spirit. I can feel Him speaking through my heart, helping me to discern good from evil, growing in virtue as I flee from vice. The more frequently I repent of my sins and turn back to God, the more sensitive I become to the presence of Jesus in the Holy Eucharist. I become conscious of His presence in those who have received Him in Holy Communion. I feel His warmth in my heart when the priest walks past me with the ciborium filled with the Consecrated Host.

Let’s be honest about it. Many people line up for Communion, but very few people line up for Confession. It is sad that many people are missing out on such a very important source of grace to strengthen us spiritually. Here are a few things that help me get the most out of Confession.

Be Prepared

A thorough examination of the conscience is necessary before Confession. Prepare by going through the commandments, the seven deadly sins, the sins of omission, the sins against purity, charity, etc. For a sincere confession, the conviction of sin is a prerequisite, so it is always helpful to ask God to enlighten us about certain sins we committed that are unknown to us. Ask the Holy Spirit to remind you of sins you have forgotten, or make you aware of where you have been unconsciously going wrong. Sometimes we delude ourselves into thinking that something is okay when it’s not.
Once we prepare well, we can again seek the assistance of the Holy Spirit to wholeheartedly admit our failures with a contrite heart. Even if we are not approaching confession with a perfectly contrite heart, it can happen during confession itself through the grace present in the Sacrament. Regardless of what you are feeling about certain sins, it’s good to confess them anyway; God forgives us in this Sacrament if we honestly admit our sins, recognizing that we have done wrong.

Be Honest

Be honest with yourself about your own weaknesses and failures. Admitting struggles, and dragging them out of the darkness into the light of Christ will relieve you of paralyzing guilt and bolster you against sins you tend to commit repeatedly (such as addictions). I remember once, in confession, when I told the priest about a certain sin that I just couldn’t seem to come out of, he prayed over me to specifically receive the grace from the Holy Spirit to help overcome it. The experience was so liberating.

Be Humble

Jesus told Saint Faustina that “A soul does not benefit as it should from the Sacrament of Penance if it is not humble. Pride keeps it in darkness.” (Diary, 113) It is humiliating to kneel in front of another human being and openly encounter the dark areas of your life. I remember receiving a very long sermon for confessing a grave sin once and getting reprimanded for repeatedly confessing the same sin. If I can learn to look at these experiences as the loving corrections of a Father who cares so much about your soul and willingly humble myself, those bitter experiences can become blessings.

The forgiveness of God is a powerful indication of His love and faithfulness. When we step into His embrace and confess what we’ve done, it restores our relationship with Him as our Father and we, His children. It also restores our relationship with one another who belong to one body—the body of Christ. The best part of receiving God’s forgiveness is how it restores the purity of our soul so that when we look at ourselves and others, we get to see God dwelling in all.

What happens to your soul when you have an unexpected encounter…?

I have a fond childhood memory about Eucharistic Adoration which is very dear to my heart. I participated in the rite of exposition and benediction of the Blessed Sacrament as a child, and I was mesmerized by the Eucharistic Jesus in a majestic monstrance with incense rising up towards Him. 

As the priest worshipped God by swinging the censer, incense rose towards the Eucharist and the whole congregation sang together, 

“O Sacrament Most Holy, O Sacrament Divine, All praise and all thanksgiving, Be every moment Thine.”

I longed to touch the censer myself and gently push it forward so I could cause the incense to rise up to the Lord Jesus. The priest gestured to me not to touch the censer and I turned my attention to the incense smoke that rose up along with my heart and eyes to the Lord God fully present in the Eucharist.

This participation in Eucharistic Adoration as a child filled my soul with so much beauty—the smell of the incense, the entire congregation singing in unison, and the vision of the Eucharistic Lord being worshipped—my senses were thoroughly satisfied, leaving me longing for the experience again. 

Caught Again

I admit with much sadness however that several years afterwards, as a teenager—when I had more opportunities—I gave into hesitation and stayed away from Eucharistic Adoration, depriving myself of such great beauty and source of sanctity. My reason for this seems to me very silly now. I thought I had to continuously pray for the entire one hour of Eucharistic Adoration and it seemed like a very long time. 

How many of us today hesitate to go to Eucharistic Adoration for similar reasons? We sometimes feel stressed, bored, lazy or even afraid about going to Eucharistic Adoration and we deprive ourselves of this great gift. I say, the trick is to just start going and soon you wouldn’t want to stop.

Stronger than Ever

Life threw its share of struggles and trials at me in my young adulthood; recalling where I had received such comfort, I turned to God for strength and sustenance. One specific way I turned to God is by going to Eucharistic Adoration on First Fridays. I began by sitting silently in the presence of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament for a whole hour, first, simply allowing myself to be there; and then just talking to the Lord about my life, asking for His help and telling Him that I loved Him. Have you ever thought of the possibility of simply showing up in front of the Eucharistic Jesus and doing nothing but staying in His divine presence for an hour?

For me, as years went by, I found that spending time at Eucharistic Adoration has changed my life in profound ways, as I become more and more aware of my deepest identity as a beloved daughter of God. 

We know that our Lord Jesus is truly and fully present in the Eucharist, His body, blood, soul and divinity. The Eucharist is Jesus Himself. Spending time with the Eucharistic Jesus can cleanse you from your sins and fill you with His great love for you. Let us always be fervent, to spend one hour with our God, who continues to be with us in the Eucharist, to the end of the age. 

Our personal relationship with our God will develop and become stronger and stronger, the more we spend time with the Lord Jesus in Eucharistic Adoration. I assure you that it will become easier, therefore, do not give in to the initial hesitation and do not be afraid in any way to spend time with our Eucharistic Lord, who is love and mercy itself, goodness and goodness alone.

Did you know that we have all been invited to the Greatest Feast in the history of mankind?

A few years ago, I was reading the story of the birth of Dionysus with my students. Persephone, the legend goes, was impregnated by Zeus and asked to see him in his true form. But a finite creature cannot look upon an eternal being and live. So, the mere sight of Zeus caused Persephone to explode, there and then, on the spot. One of my students asked me why we don’t explode when we receive the Eucharist. I told him I didn’t know, but it couldn’t hurt to be prepared.

The Approach

Every day, and in every Catholic church around the world, a great miracle is at work—the greatest miracle in the history of the world: the Creator of the universe is incarnate on the altar, and we are invited to approach that altar to take Him in our hands. If we dare. There are some who argue—and convincingly—that we shouldn’t dare to walk up and grab the Eucharist as though it were a theater ticket or a drive-through order. There are others who argue, and convincingly, that the human hand makes a worthy throne for such a humble King. Either way, we should be prepared.

In 2018, I visited the Tower of London with my family. We stood in line for an hour and a half to see the Crown Jewels. An hour and a half! First, we were issued tickets. Then, we sat through a documentary video. Shortly after, we were ushered through a winding series of velvet, roped corridors past silver and gold vessels, suits of armor, lavish and costly outfits of fur, satin, velvet, and woven gold…until at last, we were granted a brief glimpse of the crown through bullet-proof glass and over the shoulders of heavily armed guards. All that just to see the Queen’s crown!

There is something infinitely more precious at every Catholic Mass.

We should be prepared.

We should be trembling.

Mobs of Christians should be fighting for a glimpse of this miracle.

So, where is everybody?

Quarantine Miracle

During the pandemic, when the Church doors were closed to the faithful, and we were forbidden—well, you were forbidden—from witnessing this miracle in person, how many begged the Church to have the courage to trust that we’d rather die than be deprived of this miracle? (Don’t get me wrong. I don’t blame the Church’s decision which was based on the very best medical advice.)

I don’t remember hearing about any outrage, but then, I was busy hiding in the cloister, sterilizing countertops, and doorknobs.

What would you give to have been there at Cana when Jesus worked His first miracle—to stand in the presence of the Queen of Heaven? What would you give to have been there on that first Holy Thursday night? Or to have stood at the foot of the Cross?

You can. You’ve been invited. Be aware and be prepared.

Loneliness is the new normal worldwide, but not for this family! Read on for this incredible tip on staying connected always.

I recently became an empty nester. All five of my children live hours apart from one another, which makes family gatherings few and far between. This is one of the bittersweet consequences of successfully launching your children; they can fly pretty far sometimes.

Last Christmas, our whole family had the happy occasion of visiting with each other. At the end of those three joyful days, when it was time for goodbyes, I overheard one sibling say to another: “I’ll see you in the Eucharist.”

This is the way. This is how we stay close to one another. We cling to the Eucharist. And Jesus binds us together.

We certainly miss one another and wish we had more time together. But God has called us to work in different pastures and to be content with the time we’ve been given. So, in between visits and phone calls, we go to Mass and continue to stay connected.

Feeling Alone?

Attending the Most Holy Sacrifice of the Mass allows us to enter into a reality that’s not bound by space and time. It’s the stepping out of this world and into a sacred space where Heaven touches Earth in a real way, and we are united with the entire family of God, those worshiping both here on Earth and in Heaven.

By partaking in Holy Communion, we find that we indeed are not alone. One of Jesus’ last words to His disciples was: “I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20) The Eucharist is the immense gift of His continual Presence with us.

Naturally, we miss loved ones who are no longer with us; sometimes, the ache can be quite fierce. It is in those moments that we must cling to the Eucharist. On particularly lonesome days, I make an extra effort to get to Mass a little early and linger a little longer afterward. I intercede for each of my loved ones and receive comfort knowing I am not alone and that I am close to Jesus’ Heart. I pray that each of my loved one’s hearts are also close to Jesus’ Heart, so we can also be together. Jesus promised: “And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to Myself.” (John 12:32)

Incredibly Close

One of my favorite lines during the Eucharistic Prayer is this: “Humbly we pray that partaking of the body and blood of Christ, we may be gathered into one by the Holy Spirit.”

God gathers what once was scattered and draws us into the one body of Christ. The Holy Spirit at Mass has been tasked in a particular way with uniting us. We absolutely need God’s help to be in true communion with others.

Have you ever been in the same room with someone, but yet it felt like you were a million miles away? The opposite of that can also be true. Even if we are miles apart, we can feel incredibly close to others.

Ultimate Reality

Last year, I felt particularly close to my grandmother at her funeral Mass. It was very comforting, for I felt like she was right there with us, especially during the Eucharistic prayer and Holy Communion. My grandmother had a strong devotion to the Eucharist and strove to attend daily Mass for as long as she physically could. I was so grateful for that time of intimacy with her and will always treasure that. This reminds me of another portion of the Eucharistic prayer:

“Remember also our brothers and sisters who have fallen asleep in the hope of the resurrection and all who have died in Your mercy: welcome them into the light of Your face. Have mercy on us all, we pray, that with the Blessed Virgin Mary, Mother of God, with Blessed Joseph, Her Spouse, with the Blessed Apostles, and all the Saints who have pleased You throughout the ages, we may merit to be co-heirs to eternal life, and may praise and glorify You through Your Son, Jesus Christ.”

While at Mass or Eucharistic Adoration, we are in the Real Presence of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We are also joined by the Saints and Angels in Heaven. One day we will see this reality for ourselves. For now, we believe with the eyes of faith.

Let us take courage whenever we feel lonely or are missing a loved one. Jesus’ Loving and Merciful Heart is constantly beating for us and yearning for us to spend time with Him in the Eucharist. This is where we find our peace. This is where our hearts are fed. Like Saint John, let us rest peacefully on the loving breast of Jesus and pray that many others will find their way to His Sacred Eucharistic Heart. Then, we will be truly together.

A blaring home siren was ripping through the stillness of the night. I woke up with a start. My first instinct was one of frustration, but as the moments passed and the siren continued wailing across the neighborhood, I realized there was something amiss.

More from curiosity than bravado, I went outside to get a better look. Seeing my neighbor John working under the hood of his car, I called out and asked about the siren, but he seemed not to hear it at all. He simply shrugged: “Those things go off all the time…it’ll turn itself off in a few minutes.”

I was confused. “But what if someone is breaking into the house?” 

“Well, if they have their alarm serviced by the alarm company, someone will come around in a little bit to check on it. But it’s probably just nothing. Like I said, they go off all the time for the craziest reasons. Lightning storms, a car backfire…who knows why?” 

I went back into my house and looked at the alarm panel on the wall near our front door. 

What good is an alarm if no one pays any attention? 

How often is the Gospel message heard across our neighborhoods and our cities like a voice crying in the wilderness, an alarm warning of impending danger echoing through the night? “Turn back to God,” it exhorts. “Repent. Ask for His forgiveness.”

Yet many of us just shrug our shoulders, turn away, and continue fiddling under the hoods of our cars, content with our lifestyle, relationships, and comfort zones. 

“Hey, don’t you hear it?” Every now and then someone interrupts. The response would probably be: “Been hearing it ever since I was a kid. But don’t worry, it’ll turn itself off in a few minutes.” 

“Seek the Lord while He may be found. Call upon Him while He is near.” (Isaiah 55:6)

Often, it’s easy to find fault with others but much more difficult to trace the real culprit.

I discovered a parking ticket stuck on my car’s windshield wiper. It was an infringement notice for a $287 fine due to the blocking of a driveway. I became upset, and my mind filled with self-justifying thoughts.

I kept thinking: “It was just a few inches! Wasn’t the garage closed? It didn’t look like it was being used. Someone else was parked in front of my car, blocking most of the driveway. There was no available parking space, so I had to park half a kilometer away from my intended destination.”

Before the Fall

But wait a minute! Why was I making so many excuses? It’s clear that I had violated the parking rules, and now, I had to face the consequences. However, it’s always been my first instinct to try to defend myself whenever I make a mistake. This habit runs deep within me. I wonder where it originated.

Well, it goes back to the Garden of Eden. Yet another excuse? Perhaps, but I tend to believe that the first sin was not disobedience or a lack of trust in God but that of evading accountability.

Why? When Adam and Eve fell into the snake’s trap, they had never experienced evil or tasted the fruit of knowledge. They only knew God, so how could they recognize that the snake was evil and lying? What even is a lie? Can we expect them to distrust the snake? Weren’t they like a six-month-old baby trying to play with a cobra?

However, things changed after they ate the forbidden fruit. Their eyes were opened, and they realized they had sinned. Yet when God asked them about it, Adam blamed Eve, and Eve blamed the snake. No wonder we tend to do the same!

A Precious Opportunity Awaits

Christianity, in a way, is simple. It’s about being accountable for our sins. God only asks us to take responsibility for our wrongdoings. 

When we inevitably fall, the most appropriate action for a Christian is to take full responsibility for the mistake, turn to Jesus, and offer an unconditional apology. Needless to say, taking responsibility also comes with a personal commitment to try our best not to repeat the mistake. Jesus takes on the accountability Himself and resolves it with the Father through the immeasurable value of His Precious Blood.

Imagine that someone from your family made a mistake that resulted in a huge financial loss. If you knew that your bank was willing to reimburse the loss upon receiving a statement, would you waste your time blaming each other for the mistake?

Are we truly aware of the precious opportunity we have in Christ? 

Let us not fall into the trap of Satan, who is inclined to blame. Instead, let us make a conscious effort not to point fingers at others but rather run toward Jesus when we stumble.

Q – I am afraid of death. Although I believe in Jesus and hope in Heaven, I am still filled with anxiety at the unknown. How can I overcome this fear of death?

A – Imagine that you were born into a dungeon and unable to see the world outside. A door separates you from the world outside—the sunlight, the fresh air, the merriment…but you have no concept of these brighter, beautiful things, for your world is only this dark, musty space filled with decay. Every now and then, a person leaves through the door, to never return. You miss them, for they were your friends and you had known them your whole life! 

Now, imagine for a moment that someone from the outside comes in. He tells you of all the good things that you can experience outside of this dungeon. He knows of these things, for He has been there Himself. And because He loves you, you can trust Him. He promises you that He will walk through the door with you. Would you take His hand? Would you stand up and walk with Him through the door? It would be frightening, for you do not know what is on the outside, but you can have the courage that He does. If you know Him and love Him, then you will take His hand and walk through the door into the sunlight, into the grand world outside. It is frightening, but there is trust and hope.

Every human culture has had to wrestle with the fear of the unknown when we walk through that dark door of death. On our own, we have no idea what lies beyond the veil, but we do know Someone who has come from the other side to tell us about what eternity is like.

And what has He revealed? He has said that those who are saved “are before the throne of God,
and serve Him day and night in His temple, and He who sits on the throne will shelter them with His presence. They shall hunger no more, neither thirst anymore; the sun shall not strike them,
nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd, and He will guide them to springs of living water, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.” (Revelation 7:15-17) We are confident that eternal life is perfect love, abundant life, perfect joy. In fact, it is so good that “no eye has seen, no ear has heard, nor has the mind of man ever conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him.” (1 Corinthians 2:9)

But do we have any certainty that we will be saved? Isn’t there a chance that we won’t make it to that Heavenly paradise? Yes, it is true that it isn’t guaranteed. Yet, we are filled with hope because “God desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of truth.” (1 Timothy 2:3-4)  He desires your salvation more than you desire it yourself! So, He will do everything in His power to bring us to Heaven. He has already extended the invitation to you, written and signed in the Blood of His Son. It is our faith, lived out in our lives, which accepts such an invitation.

It is true we do not have certainty, but we do have hope, and “hope does not disappoint” (Romans 5:5). We are called to walk in humility and trust, knowing the power of the Savior, Who “came to save sinners” (1 Timothy 1:15).

Practically speaking, we can overcome the fear of death in a few ways. 

– First, focus on God’s promises of Heaven. He has said many other things in the Scriptures that fill us with an excited expectation of receiving the beautiful eternity He has prepared. We should burn with a desire for Heaven, which will lessen the fear of leaving this fallen, broken world behind. 

– Second, focus on God’s goodness and His love for you. He will never abandon you, even when passing into the unknown. 

– Finally, consider the ways that He has been present to you when you have had to enter into new and unknown lands–going off to college, getting married, buying a house. It can be frightening to do something for the first time because there is a fear of the unknown. But if God has been present in these new experiences, even more so will He take your hand as you walk through the door of death into the life that you have long desired!

My husband was given a death sentence; I did not want to live on without him, but his firm convictions surprised me.

Five years ago, my world came crashing down when my husband was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The life and the future I envisioned were forever changed in an instant. It was terrifying and confusing; the most hopeless and helpless I’ve ever felt. It was as though I had been plunged into an abyss of constant fear and despair. I had only my faith to cling onto as I faced the darkest days I’ve ever known. Days of caring for my dying husband and days of preparing to face a life completely different than what I had planned.

Chris and I had been together since we were teenagers. We were best friends and nearly inseparable. We had been married for over twenty years and were happily raising our four children in what seemed like an idyllic life. Now he was given a death sentence, and I didn’t know how I could live without him. In truth, part of me didn’t want to. One day, in a moment of brokenness, I confided in him that I thought I might die of a broken heart if I had to live without him. His reaction was not as desperate. He sternly but empathetically told me that I had to keep living until God called me home; that I couldn’t wish or waste my life away because his was coming to an end. He confidently assured me that he would be watching over me and our children from the other side of the veil.

The Other Side of Grief

Chris had an unshakeable faith in God’s love and mercy. Convinced that we wouldn’t be separated forever, he would often recite the phrase: “It’s just for a little while.” This was our constant reminder that no heartache lasts forever—and these words gave me boundless hope. Hope that God will guide us through this, and hope that I will be reunited with Chris in the next life. During these dark days, we clung to Our Lady in the Rosary—a devotion we were already familiar with. The Sorrowful Mysteries were recited more often than not because contemplating the suffering and death of Our Lord brought us closer to Him in our own suffering. The Divine Mercy Chaplet was a new devotion that we added to our daily routine. Like the Rosary, this was a humbling reminder of what Jesus willingly endured for our salvation, and somehow it made the cross we had been given seem less heavy.

We began to more clearly see the beauty in suffering and sacrifice. I would mentally repeat the small prayer: “Oh, Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in You” every hour of the day. It would bring a wave of calm over me whenever I felt a rush of uncertainty or fear. During this time, our prayer life deepened tremendously and gave us hope that Our Lord would be merciful to Chris and our family as we endured this painful journey. Today, it gives me hope that Chris is at peace, watching over and interceding for us from the other side—just as he promised.

In these uncertain days of my new life, it’s hope that keeps me going and gives me strength. It has given me immeasurable gratitude for God’s endless love and tender mercy. Hope is a tremendous gift; an inextinguishable interior glow to focus on when we feel broken. Hope calms, hope strengthens, and hope heals. Hope takes courage to hold onto.

As Saint John Paul II said: “I plead with you! Never, ever give up on hope. Never doubt, never tire and never become discouraged. Be not afraid.”

If you feel you’ve lost all value and purpose in life, this is for you.

In my 40 years of being a priest, the funerals for people who committed suicide have been the toughest of all. And this is not just a general statement, for I recently also lost, in my own family, a young man just 18 years of age to suicide, because of unfortunate events in his life. 

With suicide rates increasing these days, the measures put in place include medication, psychological remedies, and even family systems therapy. However, out of the many things that are often talked about, one that is not spoken enough about is a spiritual remedy. One of the core psychological and philosophical issues behind depression, even suicide, might be a lack of a spiritual meaning and purpose for life—the belief that our lives have hope and value. 

A Father’s Love

The love of God our Father, the anchor for our life, moves us out of those dark places of loneliness. I’d even argue that of all the gifts that Jesus Christ gave us (and gosh, there are so many), the best and most valuable is that Jesus made His Father, our Father. 

Jesus revealed God as a loving parent who deeply loves and cares for His children. This knowledge affirms us in three special ways:

1. Knowledge of who You are 

You’re not your job, your social security number, your driver’s license number, or ‘just’ a rejected lover. You are a child of God—made in the image and likeness of God. You are truly His handiwork. That is our identity, it’s who we are in God. 

2. God gives us Purpose 

In God, we realize why we’re here—there’s a plan, purpose, and structure to the life that God has given us. God made us for a purpose in this world—to know, love, and serve Him. 

3. You have a Destiny

We are destined not to be in this world but to be with our Father forever and receive His inexhaustible love. Knowing the Father as the author of love invites us to receive, respect, and give the life that God wants us to have. It inspires us to grow in the sense of who we are—our goodness, uniqueness, and beauty.

The Father’s Love is an anchoring love: “This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” (1 John 4:10)

God’s love does not consider the fact that we’re perfect every single day or that we never get depressed or discouraged. The fact that God has loved us and sent His Son as an offering for our sins is an encouragement that can help us counter the darkness of depression. At His core, God is not a condemning judge but a loving parent. This knowledge—that God has loved us and cherishes us no matter what anyone around us does—anchors us. 

This is indeed the greatest human need we have. We’re all a little lonely; we’re all searching and seeking something that this world cannot give. Sit still in the loving gaze of our God every day and just allow God to love you. Imagine that God is embracing you, nurturing you, and pushing out your fear, anxiety, and worry. Let the love of God the Father flow through every cell, muscle, and tissue. Let it drive out the darkness and fear in your life. 

The world is never going to be a perfect place, so we need to invite God in to fill us with His hope. If you’re struggling today, reach out to a friend and let your friend be the hands and eyes of God, embracing and loving you. There have been several times in my 72 years where I have reached out to friends who held me, nurtured me, and taught me. 

Sit contentedly in God’s presence as a child on his mother’s lap until your body learns the truth that you are a precious, beautiful child of God, that your life has value, purpose, meaning, and direction. Let God flow through your life.

Whatever the situation you are going through, God will make a way where there seems to be no way…

Today, my son Aaric brought home his dictation book. He got a red star with a ‘good’ remark. This might not be a big deal for a kindergartener, but for us, it is a celebrated achievement.

The first week of school, I got a call from his class teacher. We dreaded this call, my husband and I. As I tried hard to explain his communication skills (or lack thereof) to his teacher, I remember confessing that while I cared for his big sister with special needs, I had fallen into this pattern of doing things without being asked. As she could not utter a single word, I had to guess her needs. The same mode was turned on for Aaric, too, in his early days.

Even before he asked for water, I would give it to him. We had a bond that didn’t need words, a language of love, or so I thought. How miserably wrong I was!

Not much later, when his little brother Abram turned three months old, I had to take those heavy steps again to see the counselor at school. This time, it was about Aaric’s poor writing skills. His dear class teacher panicked when she saw him drop his pencil on the table and stubbornly fold his hands as if to say: “I won’t write.” We dreaded this, too. His little sister Aksha was an expert at scribbling at the age of two, but Aaric wouldn’t even hold the pencil. He just didn’t fancy it.

The First Step

After receiving instructions from the counselor, I visited the principal, who insisted that we undergo a thorough assessment if his communication continues to be weak. I couldn’t even think of that back then. For us, he was a miracle baby. After what we went through with our firstborn and three miscarriages, Aaric had defied all odds. He was born full-term, unlike what the doctors had predicted. His vitals were normal at birth. “He’s a big baby!” exclaimed the doctor on bringing him out through a C-section. We watched him grow step by step with almost bated breath, praying nothing would go wrong.

Aaric soon reached all his milestones. However, when he was just one year old, my father mentioned that he may need speech therapy. I brushed it off as being too early to diagnose. The truth was, I didn’t have the strength to face another problem. We were already worn out with all that our firstborn was going through. Anna was born preterm at 27 weeks. After many grueling days in the NICU, she was diagnosed with severe brain damage at three months and had epileptic seizures. After all the treatments and medications, our now 9-year-old daughter still battles with cerebral palsy and intellectual disability. She is unable to sit up, walk, or talk.

Countless Blessings

There’s a limit to holding off the inevitable, so six months ago, we reluctantly took Aaric to get an initial assessment. The ADHD diagnosis was hard. We struggled to accept it, but we still put him through speech therapy. At this point, he was only stuttering a few words.

A few days back, I mustered the courage to go to the hospital with Aaric and get a full, thorough assessment. Mild autism was what they said. As we were going through the process of assessment, several questions were asked. To my surprise, my response to most of these questions was: “He wasn’t able to, but now he can.”

Praise God! By the power of the Holy Spirit living in him, everything is possible. I believe that praying and blessing him every day before going to school has made a difference. The change was radical when he began to memorize Bible verses. And the beauty is that he recites those verses just when I need them. Indeed, the Word of God is living and active. I believe the transformation is ongoing. Whenever I feel low, God surprises me by making him say a new word.

Amid the tantrums he puts up, and when everything seems to crumble down, my little girl, three-year-old Aksha, simply comes up and gives me a hug and a kiss. She really knows how to comfort her mama. I believe that God will surely intervene and heal our eldest daughter, Anna, too, for nothing is impossible for Him. Change is already visible—the number of times she goes into epileptic seizures has gone down tremendously.

In our walk of life, things may not be going as expected, but God never leaves nor forsakes us. Just like oxygen that is essential yet invisible, God is ever present and provides the life we need so badly. Let us cling to Him and not doubt whilst in the darkness. May our testimony reveal the truth of how beautiful, wonderful, and loving our God is and how He transforms us to say: “I was …, but now I am ….”

If I hadn’t gone through that darkness, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

My parents really wanted to have a family, but my mom wasn’t able to get pregnant until she was 40. I was their miracle baby, born on her birthday, exactly one year after she completed a special Novena in petition for a child. I was gifted with a baby brother one year later.

My family was nominally Catholic; we would go to Sunday Mass and receive the Sacraments, but there was nothing more. When I was about 11 or 12, my parents turned away from the Church and my faith life took an incredibly long pause.

Writhing Agony

Teenage years were packed with pressure, a lot of which I put on myself. I’d compare myself to other girls; I wasn’t happy with my appearance. I was highly self-conscious and anxious. Though I excelled academically, I had a difficult time in school because I was very ambitious. I wanted to get ahead—show people that I could be successful and intelligent. We didn’t have much money as a family, so I figured that studying well and getting a good job was going to solve it all.

Instead, I got sadder and sadder. I would go for sports and celebrations, but I would wake up the next day and feel all empty. I had a few good friends, but they too had their own struggles. I remember trying to support them and ending up questioning the why of all the suffering around me. I was lost, and this sadness made me close-up and curl into myself.

When I was about 15, I fell into the habit of self-harm; as I later realized, at that age, I didn’t have the maturity or the ability to speak about what I was feeling. As pressure intensified, I gave in to suicidal thoughts, multiple times. During one hospitalization incident, one of the doctors saw me in such agony and said: “Do you believe in God? Do you believe in something after death?” I thought it was the strangest question to ask, but that night, I remembered reflecting on it. That’s when I cried out to God for help: “God, if you exist, please help me. I want to live—I’d like to spend my life doing good, but I’m not even capable of loving myself. Whatever I do, everything ends in burnout if I don’t have a meaning for all of it.”

A Hand of Help

I started to talk to Mother Mary, hoping that maybe she could understand and help me. Shortly after, my mother’s friend invited me to go on a pilgrimage to Međugorje. I didn’t really want to, but I accepted the invitation, more for curiosity to see a new country and nice weather.

Surrounded by people who were praying the Rosary, fasting, walking up mountains, and going to Mass, I felt out of place but at the same time, I was also slightly intrigued. It was the time of the Catholic Youth Festival, and there were around 60,000 young people there, attending Mass and Adoration, praying the Rosary every day; not because they were forced to, but joyfully, from pure desire. I wondered if these people had perfect families which made it really easy for them to believe, clap, dance, and all of that. Truth be told, I craved that joy!

While we were on the pilgrimage, we listened to the testimonies of girls and boys in a Cenacolo Community nearby, and that really changed things for me. In 1983, an Italian nun founded the Cenacolo Community to help young people whose lives had taken a wrong turn. Now, the organization can be found in many countries worldwide.

I listened to the story of a girl from Scotland who had drug problems; she had also attempted to take her own life. I thought to myself: “If she can live that happily, if she can come out of all that pain and suffering and genuinely believe in God, maybe there’s something in that for me as well.”

Another great grace that I received when I was in Međugorje was that I went for confession for the first time in many years. I did not know what to expect but going to confession and finally saying out loud to God all of the things that had hurt me, all that I had done to hurt others and myself, was an enormous weight off my shoulders. I just felt peace, and I felt clean enough to make a fresh start. I came back touched and started University in Ireland, but sans adequate support, I ended up in the hospital again.

Finding Way

Realizing that I needed help, I went back to Italy and became a part of a Cenacolo Community. It wasn’t easy. Everything was new—the language, prayer, different personalities, cultures—but there was a truth in it. Nobody was trying to convince me of anything; everyone was living their life in prayer, work, and true friendship, and it was healing them. They were living peace and joy, and it wasn’t made up but real. I was with them all day, every day—I saw it. I wanted that!

What really helped me those days was Adoration. I don’t know how many times I just cried in front of the Blessed Sacrament. A therapist wasn’t speaking back to me, no one was trying to give me any medication, it just felt like I was being cleansed. Even in the community, there was nothing particularly special, except for God.

Another thing that really helped me get out of my depression was that I started looking to serve others. As long as I kept looking at my own self, my own wounds and problems, I was just digging myself into a bigger hole. The community life forced me to come out of myself, look to others, and try to give them hope, the hope that I was finding in Christ. It helped me so much when other young people would come to the community, young girls who had problems similar to mine or sometimes even worse. I looked after them, tried to be an older sister, and sometimes even a mother.

I started to think about what my mother would have experienced with me when I was hurting myself or when I was unhappy. There’s often a certain sense of helplessness, but with faith, even when you can’t help someone with your words, you can do so on your knees. I’ve seen the change in so many girls and in my own life from prayer. It’s not something mystical or something I could explain theologically, but faithfulness to the Rosary, Prayer, and Sacraments has changed my life and so many other lives, and it has given us a new will to live.

Passing it on

I returned to Ireland to pursue a career in nursing; in fact, more than a career, I felt deeply that it’s how I wanted to spend my life. I’m now living with young people, some of whom are like me when I was their age—struggling with self-harm, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, or impurity. I feel that it’s important to tell them what God did in my life, so sometimes during lunch, I tell them that I wouldn’t really be able to do this job, see all the suffering and pain if I didn’t believe that there was something more to life than just death after illness. People often tell me: “Oh, your name is Joy, it suits you so much; you’re so happy and smiley.” I laugh inside: “If you only knew where that came from!”

My joy is one that arose from suffering; that’s why it’s a true joy. It lasts even when there’s pain. And I want the young people to have the same joy because it’s not just mine, but it’s a joy that comes from God, so everyone can also experience it. I just want to be able to share this infinite joy of God so that others can know that you can go through pain, misery, and difficulties and still come out of it, grateful and joyful to our Father.