Who am I to judge?
For years I struggled with gluttony not realizing the root cause behind my overeating
Yesterday, as I was getting ready for Mass, I was thinking about my continuing battle with overeating. Though I may not appear visibly overweight to the average person, I know that I eat more than I should. I eat even when I am not hungry, just because the food is there and I am tempted by it. Since I had finished dressing for Mass before my husband was ready, I decided to open a Saint Jude prayer book that I use every night for prayer to see if it also had a Morning Prayer. As I flipped through the pages, I came across a prayer for addictions which I had never noticed before. As I said the prayer, I especially asked God to heal me of my food addiction. Although I had tried to overcome the desire to overeat for years, my efforts had failed.
Driving Away
At Mass, the Gospel Reading was Mark 1:21–28. I said to myself, “In the same way that Jesus can drive the evil spirit out of this man, He can drive this spirit of gluttony out of me because this is how the evil one still has a hold on my life.” I felt that God was reassuring me that He could and would drive out this spirit of gluttony from me. My feelings were strengthened by the priest’s homily.
In his homily, he listed many types of evil spirits we need deliverance from, such as anger, depression, drugs, and alcohol. The one he struggled with the most was food addiction. He explained how he lost forty pounds, only to gain back thirty. He added that no matter how much he has tried to stop himself, he always gives in to the temptation to overeat, thus committing the sin of gluttony. Everything he described related directly to me. He reassured us that Jesus came and died to set us free, so we cannot give up hope no matter how hopeless we feel, because hope is always there. Jesus gives us hope because He overcame death and rose again. We can thus claim victory because He has defeated the power of sin in our lives. We simply need to trust that Jesus will come to our rescue, in His own time.
When we are slow to realize that we cannot do anything without His help, God sometimes allows us to be in positions where we feel helpless. This morning, during my morning prayer, I opened my book of daily reflections to a reading focused on finding peace. To find peace we must be in accord with God’s will. When we are in accord with God’s will, we can more effectively help others and lead them to the Lord.
How can I help someone else if I am perfect? Can I understand someone else’s struggles if I have not struggled? When I am striving against a sin, like gluttony, my battle is not in vain. It is for a reason. God allows us to experience difficulties so that we can empathize with and help others and to realize that we are no better than anyone else. We all need each other, and we all need God.
Strange Connection
Saint Paul demonstrates this when he asserts “a thorn in the flesh” was given to him to keep him from becoming “too elated” and Christ told him that “power is made perfect in weakness”. So, he would “boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me.” (Corinthians 12:7–9)
This Scripture teaches me that struggling with my addiction to food is meant to keep me humble. I cannot feel superior to anyone because I also struggle to overcome temptation, like everyone else, whether they believe in God or not. However, when we do believe in God, the struggles become easier because we see a purpose in continuing the battle. Many people struggle with addictions and other problems for various reasons, one of which could be due to the consequence of sin. However, when a person is a believer of God and a true follower, he or she recognizes that his or her problems are meant for the good and not as a punishment. Romans 8:28 teaches us that “all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to His purpose.” Most importantly, this is the reality for all who are called to God’s purpose. Knowing this truth makes the difference between seeing problems, addictions, and sufferings as punishments, or as blessings that will work for our good in the long run. When a person is called by God according to His purpose, that person is fully aware of this call, so he or she accepts the good and bad in his or her life as God’s will.
As I pondered, I tried to recall when my eating addiction had started. I became shamefully aware that my own addiction to food started when I confronted and condemned one of my own relatives regarding his addiction to drugs and alcohol.
I can now recognize that at the same time I was angrily condemning my relative, I was slowly becoming addicted to food myself. Ultimately, condemnation and lack of forgiveness were the sources of my addiction. The Lord had to humble me by revealing, through my own addiction, that we are all weak. We all face addictions and temptations, and struggle with them in many forms. In my pride, I thought I was strong enough to overcome temptations on my own, but in falling prey to my gluttony, I discovered that I was not. Eight years later, I am still struggling to overcome my food addiction and this sin of gluttony.
God cannot use us if we feel superior to others in any way. We have to be humble enough to come down to the level of those who need us, so we can help them where they are. To avoid judging others for their weaknesses, we should pray for them, extend help and offer up our own struggles for them. Isn’t this the reason why God puts sinners and those who are hurting in our path? Every time we encounter someone else, we have the opportunity to show them the face of God, so we should leave them in a better state for having come across our path, not more hurt or broken. In Luke 6:37, Jesus warns, “Stop judging and you will not be judged. Stop condemning and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven.”
Adeline Jean is an Adjunct Professor of English, Biblical Studies, and World Religion. She is the author of the book, “JESUS Speaks To Me: Whispers of Mercy, Whispers of Love.” and presenter of YouTube video series, “Burning Bush Encounters.” Adeline is the Coordinator of Shalom Media Ministry in South Florida.
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As Catholics, we have heard from the time we were little: “Offer it up.” From a little headache to a very serious emotional or physical hurt, we were encouraged to ‘offer it up.’ It wasn't until I was an adult that I pondered the meaning and purpose of the phrase, and understood it as ‘redemptive suffering.’ Redemptive suffering is the belief that human suffering, when accepted and offered up in union with the Passion of Jesus, can remit the just punishment for one's sins or the sins of another. In this life, we are going to suffer various minor and major physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual trials. We can choose to grumble about it or we can surrender it all and unite our suffering with Jesus’ Passion. It can be redemptive not only for us, we can even help someone open their heart to receive Jesus' healing and forgiveness. We may never know in this life how offering up our sufferings has helped someone else break free of the bondages that have held them for so long. Sometimes, God allows us to experience the joy of seeing someone break loose from a life of sin because we offered up our suffering for them. We can offer up our sufferings even for the poor souls in purgatory. When we finally arrive in Heaven, imagine those we were praying for and offering up our sufferings greeting us and thanking us. Redemptive suffering is one of those areas that can be difficult to fully understand, but when we look at Scripture and what Jesus taught and how his followers lived, we can see that it is something that God is encouraging us to do. Jesus, help me each day to offer up my little and big sufferings, difficulties, annoyances, and unite them to You on the Cross.
A blaring home siren was ripping through the stillness of the night. I woke up with a start. My first instinct was one of frustration, but as the moments passed and the siren continued wailing across the neighborhood, I realized there was something amiss. More from curiosity than bravado, I went outside to get a better look. Seeing my neighbor John working under the hood of his car, I called out and asked about the siren, but he seemed not to hear it at all. He simply shrugged: “Those things go off all the time…it’ll turn itself off in a few minutes.” I was confused. “But what if someone is breaking into the house?” “Well, if they have their alarm serviced by the alarm company, someone will come around in a little bit to check on it. But it’s probably just nothing. Like I said, they go off all the time for the craziest reasons. Lightning storms, a car backfire...who knows why?” I went back into my house and looked at the alarm panel on the wall near our front door. What good is an alarm if no one pays any attention? How often is the Gospel message heard across our neighborhoods and our cities like a voice crying in the wilderness, an alarm warning of impending danger echoing through the night? “Turn back to God,” it exhorts. “Repent. Ask for His forgiveness.” Yet many of us just shrug our shoulders, turn away, and continue fiddling under the hoods of our cars, content with our lifestyle, relationships, and comfort zones. “Hey, don’t you hear it?” Every now and then someone interrupts. The response would probably be: “Been hearing it ever since I was a kid. But don’t worry, it’ll turn itself off in a few minutes.” “Seek the Lord while He may be found. Call upon Him while He is near.” (Isaiah 55:6)
‘Set a timer for five minutes and thank God for this person.’ I bet you are wondering what on earth I’m talking about. Sometimes, we forget to talk to God about unsettled situations regarding the people God places in our lives. Many times, I forget this. One day, by God’s grace, I chose to do something about the lack of peace in my heart. Several years ago, I was having a difficult time with someone in my life. I’ll skip the details. My problem was that it really bothered me. Have you ever been in a situation like this? I made a decision to talk to a priest about it and went to Confession. After he heard my confession, the priest gave me absolution and my penance. Guess what my penance was? If you said ‘set a timer,’ you are absolutely right! He said: “I want you to spend five minutes thanking God for this person.” Five Minutes Five Minutes? Yikes! Determined, I said to myself, I can do this. I left the Church and went to my car. I set my watch for five minutes, and immediately, I was stuck. Wow, this is really difficult! Slowly, I found little ways to thank God for this person. I checked my watch…ugh, only one minute passed. I continued to pray with all my heart. I want to do this! Again, I began thanking God. As the minutes slowly passed by, it became easier and easier. My five minutes still wasn’t up. Continuing with a renewed sense of determination, I found myself thanking God even for the small difficulties. Inside, my heart was leaping! Praying for this person was really working to change my heart. Why was I so consumed by these difficulties? This is really a good person. Remembering I often remember that day. When I face difficulties with someone, I attempt to apply what I learned from that particular penance. Do you remember the promise made when we recite the Act of Contrition? Those final words before we are absolved from our sins? “… I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to confess my sins, do penance, and amend my life. Amen.” Now, when I find myself ruminating over some difficulty I’m experiencing with someone, I stop, set a timer, and spend five minutes thanking God for them. It always astounds me how God can turn my heart around in such a short time. Jesus looked at them and said: “For human beings, this is impossible, but for God, all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26) Thank you, Jesus, for the priest who sometimes gives us a difficult but much-needed penance. Thank you, Jesus, for your healing touch. Thank you, Jesus, for each person You put on our paths. Thank you, Jesus, for loving us so much! Five minutes was and is so little time to have received such a great reward: peace of heart. “Jesus said to them again, ‘Peace be with you!’” (John 20:21)
If you feel you’ve lost all value and purpose in life, this is for you. In my 40 years of being a priest, the funerals for people who committed suicide have been the toughest of all. And this is not just a general statement, for I recently also lost, in my own family, a young man just 18 years of age to suicide, because of unfortunate events in his life. With suicide rates increasing these days, the measures put in place include medication, psychological remedies, and even family systems therapy. However, out of the many things that are often talked about, one that is not spoken enough about is a spiritual remedy. One of the core psychological and philosophical issues behind depression, even suicide, might be a lack of a spiritual meaning and purpose for life—the belief that our lives have hope and value. A Father’s Love The love of God our Father, the anchor for our life, moves us out of those dark places of loneliness. I’d even argue that of all the gifts that Jesus Christ gave us (and gosh, there are so many), the best and most valuable is that Jesus made His Father, our Father. Jesus revealed God as a loving parent who deeply loves and cares for His children. This knowledge affirms us in three special ways: 1. Knowledge of who You are You’re not your job, your social security number, your driver’s license number, or 'just' a rejected lover. You are a child of God—made in the image and likeness of God. You are truly His handiwork. That is our identity, it's who we are in God. 2. God gives us Purpose In God, we realize why we're here—there's a plan, purpose, and structure to the life that God has given us. God made us for a purpose in this world—to know, love, and serve Him. 3. You have a Destiny We are destined not to be in this world but to be with our Father forever and receive His inexhaustible love. Knowing the Father as the author of love invites us to receive, respect, and give the life that God wants us to have. It inspires us to grow in the sense of who we are—our goodness, uniqueness, and beauty. The Father’s Love is an anchoring love: “This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” (1 John 4:10) God’s love does not consider the fact that we're perfect every single day or that we never get depressed or discouraged. The fact that God has loved us and sent His Son as an offering for our sins is an encouragement that can help us counter the darkness of depression. At His core, God is not a condemning judge but a loving parent. This knowledge—that God has loved us and cherishes us no matter what anyone around us does—anchors us. This is indeed the greatest human need we have. We're all a little lonely; we're all searching and seeking something that this world cannot give. Sit still in the loving gaze of our God every day and just allow God to love you. Imagine that God is embracing you, nurturing you, and pushing out your fear, anxiety, and worry. Let the love of God the Father flow through every cell, muscle, and tissue. Let it drive out the darkness and fear in your life. The world is never going to be a perfect place, so we need to invite God in to fill us with His hope. If you're struggling today, reach out to a friend and let your friend be the hands and eyes of God, embracing and loving you. There have been several times in my 72 years where I have reached out to friends who held me, nurtured me, and taught me. Sit contentedly in God’s presence as a child on his mother's lap until your body learns the truth that you are a precious, beautiful child of God, that your life has value, purpose, meaning, and direction. Let God flow through your life.
Martin de Porres was born in 16th-century Peru; he grew up facing the stigmas of both his mixed race and illegitimacy. After a barber-medical apprenticeship in his young years, he joined the Dominicans as a ‘lay helper’ and continued his barber work in the monastery. One day, Brother Francis Velasco Carabantes approached Martin, desiring to talk to this man whom people were already starting to believe was saintly. Martin was busy with his barber work; he absent-mindedly grabbed this novice and placed him in the barber’s chair. Brother Francis had no inclination to have his head shaved; he disliked the hairstyle that the Dominicans used. Before he could resist, Martin had finished his job, and Brother Francis was angry beyond expression. He started to shout, calling Martin all sorts of curse words. Martin was lost in prayer, and by the time he noticed that this novice was shouting, one of the rectors had seen the commotion and was scolding Brother Francis, who was severely punished and sent away. Martin, once he came to realize what had happened, went to the rector with all possible excuses. He begged forgiveness for this person who had verbally abused him, trying even to explain away the curse words used. Finally, he told the rector: “Everyone knows what a sinner I am.” The rector, who was aware of Martin’s saintly life, gave in to his request and forgave Brother Francis. Not satisfied with this, Brother Martin even sent fresh fruit, which was a rare delicacy in the monastery, to Brother Francis. How many times have we rejoiced in the ‘just’ punishments that our transgressors received? Let us pray to Saint Martin for the virtue of humility, to forgive and show the other cheek, as Jesus taught us to do.
Anacleto González Flores was born in Mexico in the late 19th century. Inspired by a sermon heard in his childhood, he made daily Mass the most important part of his life. Though he joined the seminary and excelled in academics, on discerning that he was not called into the priesthood, he later entered law school. During the years-long Christian persecution in Mexico, Flores so heroically defended the fundamental rights of Christians that the Holy See awarded him the Cross Pro Ecclesia et Pontifice for his efforts. As many Mexican Christians courageously gave their lives for their faith, he continued to write against the atrocities and became a prominent leader of the Cristero War. In 1927, he was arrested and cruelly tortured—he was flogged, his feet were cut open with knives, and his shoulder was dislocated. An unfazed Anacleto remained firm in his faith and refused to betray his fellow faithful. As he was shot to death, he openly forgave his killers and died, exclaiming: “I have worked selflessly to defend the cause of Jesus Christ and His Church. You may kill me, but know that this cause will not die with me.” He openly forgave his killers and died, exclaiming: “I die, but God does not die. Long live Christ the King!” After years of living a holy life centered on devotion to the Blessed Sacrament and an exemplary Marian devotion, Flores gave his life to the Lord with three of his fellow faithful. This brave martyr was beatified by Pope Benedict XVI in 2005, and he was declared the patron of the Mexican laity in 2019.
I remember a time in my ministry when I had felt a fellow minister distancing himself from me for no apparent reason. It seemed like he was struggling, but he wouldn’t share it with me. One Lenten day, burdened by this thought, I stood in my office and cried out to the Lord in my heart: “Jesus, I feel so left out of this person’s life.” Immediately, I heard Jesus respond with these sad words: “I know how you feel. It happens to Me every day.” Wow! I felt my own heart pierced, and tears flooded my eyes. I knew these words were a treasure. I continued for months to unpack that grace. Since my Baptism in the Holy Spirit twenty years ago, I had considered myself to have a deep personal relationship with Jesus. But this Word from my precious Savior and Lord opened a whole new insight into Jesus’ Heart. “Yes, Jesus, so many people forget You, don’t they? And me too—how often am I going about my tasks, forgetting to bring my problems and thoughts to You? All the while, You wait for me to turn back to You, who looks on me with such love.” In my prayer, I kept processing those words. “I know better now how You feel when someone rejects You, accuses or blames You, or does not talk to You for days or even years.” I would more consciously take my own sorrows to Jesus and tell Him: “Jesus, my Beloved, You feel this same sadness that I am feeling. I offer my little hurt to console You for so many people, including myself, who fail to console You.” I saw in a new way my favorite image, Jesus with His Sacred Heart’s rays of love flowing out, lamenting to Saint Margaret Mary: “Look at My Heart that loves people so much—but receives so little love in return.” Truly, Jesus gives me little trials daily so I can have a tiny taste of what He endured for us. I will always remember that moment of agony that brought me closer to the amazing, tender, long-suffering love of our dear Lord Jesus.
I lost my iPhone a year ago. At first, it felt like a limb was amputated. I had owned one for thirteen years, and it was like an extension of myself. In the beginning days, I used the “new iPhone” like a phone, but it soon became an alarm clock, a calculator, the news, weather, banking, and much more…and then…it was gone. As I was forced into detox, I had many pressing problems. My shopping lists now needed to be written on paper. An alarm clock was purchased, and a calculator. I missed the daily ‘ping’ of messages and the scramble to open them (and the feeling of being wanted). But I was sensing the peace of not having this little piece of metal dominating my life. I hadn’t realized how demanding and controlling the device was until it was gone. The world didn’t stop. I just had to relearn new-old ways of interacting with the world, like talking to people face to face and making plans for events. I wasn’t in a hurry to replace it. In fact, its demise led to a welcome revolution in my life. I started experimenting with minimal media in my life. No newspapers, magazines, radio, television, or phone. I kept an iPad for work emails, selected YouTube videos on the weekend, and a few independent news pages. It was an experiment but one that has left me feeling calm and peaceful, enabling me to use my time for prayer and Scripture. I could now cling to God more easily, who is “the same, yesterday, and today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8). The First Commandment asks us to “love the Lord your God with all Your heart and mind and soul and love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:30-31). I wonder how we can do that when our mind is on our phones for most of the day! Do we truly love God with our minds? Romans 12:2 says: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” I challenge you to abstain from the media, even for a little while and even for a little bit. Feel that transforming difference in your life. Only when we give ourselves a break will we be able to love the Lord our God with renewed minds.
Have you been dreaming of a lasting peace that seems to somehow evade you no matter how hard you try? It is natural for us to constantly feel unprepared in an ever-changing, unpredictable world. In this scary and exhausting ordeal, it’s easy to become frightened—like a trapped animal with nowhere to run. If only we worked harder, longer, or were more in control, maybe we could catch up and finally be free to relax and find peace. I have lived this way for decades. Relying on myself and my efforts, I never really 'caught up.' I slowly realized it was an illusion to live that way. Eventually, I found a solution that has been revolutionary for me. It may feel the opposite of what is required, but trust me when I say this: Surrendering is the answer to this laborious search for peace. The Perfect Move As a Catholic, I know that I am supposed to give my heavy loads to the Lord. I also know that I am supposed to ‘let Jesus take the wheel' so that my burden would become lighter. My problem was that I did not know how to "give my burdens to the Lord." I would pray, beg, make the occasional deal, and once, even gave God a deadline (that one ended with me being schooled at a retreat by Saint Padre Pio: "Don't give God deadlines." Message received!). So, what are we to do? As humans, we base everything on a pixel of information we have at our disposal and an excruciatingly minute understanding of all factors, natural and supernatural. While I may have my thoughts on the best solutions, I hear Him loud and clear in my head: "My ways are not your ways, Barb, nor are my thoughts your thoughts," says the Lord. Here's the deal. God is God, and we are not. He knows everything—past, present, and future. We know squat. Of course, God, in His all-encompassing wisdom, understands things better than us, as well as the perfect move to make in time and history. How to Surrender If nothing in your life is working by all your human efforts, surrendering them is essential. But surrendering doesn’t mean looking at God as a vending machine whereby we put in our prayers and select how we want Him to answer. If, like me, you are struggling to surrender, I would love to share the antidote I found: the Surrender Novena. I was introduced to it a few years ago and am grateful beyond words. Servant of God, Father Don Dolindo Ruotolo, Spiritual Director to Padre Pio, received this Novena from Christ Jesus. Each day of the novena brilliantly speaks to every individual in ways only the Lord would know how to address. Rather than the same repetitive words each day, Christ, who knows us all too well, reminds us of all the ways we tend to get in the way of authentically surrendering, thus impeding the Master's work in His own way and time. The closing statement: "O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything," is repeated ten times. Why? Because we need to believe and fully trust in Christ Jesus to perfectly take care of everything.
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How can your peace be restored when facing the challenges in life? Sewing is one of my favorite hobbies. I especially enjoy putting together pieces of fabric to create quilt tops. One particular design of mine is called a ‘Crazy Quilt.’ It consists of sewing random scraps, of otherwise useless pieces of fabric, together in such a way that it resembles a mosaic pattern. One day, when working on Crazy Quilt blocks, it occurred to me that each block resembled broken pieces of pottery that, when put together, recreated its own beautiful pattern. It also reminded me that sometimes life can feel like it’s broken into pieces, yet in the Potter’s hands, God can reconstruct those pieces into a new life. God is the source of all peace, but concupiscence caused by original sin can result in God’s peace within us being severed by challenges, temptations, or sin that draw us away from Him. Severed peace makes life feel broken and without purpose. But there is hope, for there’s always hope in God. The Book of Genesis, when read through God’s lens, is clearly the most wonderful love story—our love story with Him. Throughout the creation passages in Scripture, God remarked that everything He created was good. However, on the sixth day, when God created mankind, He said: “It was very good!” Why ‘very good?’ Simply because God created us in His image of goodness so He could love us and be loved in return. A Gentle Reminder All mankind was meant to love completely and live in peace under His protection. However, humanity, through Adam and Eve, chose to challenge God’s goodness, disobeying Him and thereby stepping out of His protection and peace when they chose to believe Satan (the Prince of Lies) over God. Their unfortunate choice, called ‘original sin,’ resulted in the shattering of their peace through the challenges, temptation, and sins that entered outside of God’s protection. His peace had been broken. God is good and He loves us, so He didn’t leave us this way. The Bible’s entire Old Testament details centuries of His efforts to re-establish the relationship He had with us in the Garden of Eden. However, as He was trying to get our attention, the Prince of Lies began to confuse mankind through temptations that led to more sin, pulling humanity further from God. Not to worry though, for Saint Paul reminded us that ‘God is for us’ and that nothing “in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:39) How? Because God came for us Himself. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him may not perish but may have eternal life.”(John 3:16) It’s unfortunate that we didn’t have a say when the choice was made to commit original sin, but we can reverse the outcome of that sin by choosing to accept and follow Jesus, the Son of God, who is the Prince of Peace(Isaiah 9:6). He wants to lead us back to the Father in Heaven, but often, getting to Him is difficult when we have to step over all the painful broken pieces in our lives. Remember, Scripture is His love story to us. He knows our struggles and assures us that He is our refuge and our strength. Back to the Crazy Quilt It’s amazing when the numerous fabrics, patterns, and colors of a Crazy Quilt that are stitched together somehow blend to create a beautiful quilt top. Scripture reveals that God’s pretty crafty too. Not only is He a potter (Isaiah 64:8), but also He knits (Psalm 139:13), and I like to think He even sews. I wonder if He might see mankind as His own ‘Crazy Quilt’ creation. Although not His original design, we’re a collection of broken pieces all put back together again; He has recreated us, for “If anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new!”(2 Corinthians 5:17) So, when challenges, temptations, or sin are severing the peace within us, let this inherent thought bring you comfort: “We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to His purpose.”(Romans 8:28) What’s that purpose again? God created us in His image of goodness so He could love us and be loved in return. Is there anything better than a warm quilt and a wonderful love story with a happy ending?
Is it a miracle or a coincidence? I had been working on an article for several days, arduously trying to get my facts right so that the end product I presented was as authentic as possible. Then, all of a sudden, I hit the wrong button, and almost all of what I had written over the past few days disappeared from my entire computer. Nothing worked, no matter how much I tried and how many IT experts I consulted. I had two choices either to try again fruitlessly to retrieve my lost work or to rely on the power of prayer to somehow miraculously retrieve it. Desperate Times, Desperate Measures In the meantime, I felt that I had made a copy of the unfinished work somewhere in the process. So I searched everywhere, in every nook and cranny, in every plastic bag I now use as my case or valise, desperate for a copy of this lost venture, but without success. Trying to replicate all those hours of thought and written words was such a dirge, but I tried to console myself. I desperately prayed to all the Saints of God, particularly one of my favorites, Saint Anthony of Padua, the patron Saint of lost things. My eagerness to finish the article caused me so much anxiety that I even lost sleep over it. I couldn’t content myself until I found the missing half of my article. This continued until the weekend, when I finally decided to dive into a new version of my original idea, forfeiting any hope of finding any semblance of my original thoughts. I sat by my computer, hit my story on the desktop, and thought about where I was to begin revising my original story. Suddenly, I glanced towards my printer, where I spotted a sliver of four pieces of paper protruding from my printer. I ignored it because it must be a remnant of what I was working on earlier. However, before hitting the print button on my latest endeavor, I extracted the A-4 pages. Surprisingly, the article's title matched exactly what I had been desperately searching for over the last week. I couldn’t believe my eyes. How could this be so? An article that I, and every close and known acquaintance of mine, had been unsuccessfully searching for over the past week or so surprisingly appeared on my printer out of the blue. This spiritual experience left an indelible mark on my psyche. I know we leave so many existential happenings to ‘coincidence’. I realized how gracious our God is in allowing His Holy Angels and Saints to come to our aid with the slightest requests.
Discover how a simple snowflake can inspire you. As I drove to the Church, the snow that was supposed to turn to rain continued to fall. Individual flakes hit my windshield, quickly revealing their uniqueness before melting away. By the time I exited the Church after Mass, the snow lightly blanketed the ground. It was beautiful! Dressed in white, the barren farmland and the trees that had shed their colorful leaves no longer looked so desolate and dead. Despite the cold, the snow spread a sense of hope through the air. Of course, my children were hoping the snow would continue so that they would not have to go to school. In my part of the world, snow does bring school-age children such hope and joy. But the feeling I had that day walking out of the church was different. Standing amid the falling flakes, a verse from Psalm 51 came to mind: “Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.” Therein lies the hope I felt – the knowledge that God loves me despite my weaknesses and sins. I need only to ask for His forgiveness and supernatural help to overcome them. He wants to cover me with His love and mercy like the snow falling gently on the earth. Thriving in Grace I took solace in the gradual covering. Our Lord is patient with us. He does not dump graces on us but allows us time for transformation. He gently leads us on the path of conversion. As I gingerly walked across the parking lot, I appreciated the baby steps we take on our journey that leads us to become the saints God is calling us to be. He delights in even our smallest progress. By afternoon, that which was a field of overturned dirt was now a woolen blanket. How amazing that those little flakes gathered together make such a difference! Such is the transformative power of grace! At every Mass when we receive Holy Communion, our souls are washed clean in the Blood of the Lamb. With each sacramental confession, we are reconciled to God and to one another. The ‘dirt’ from sin that stains our souls is washed away by the graces bestowed in these two powerful yet gentle Sacraments. Then, God sends us out into the world. Each of us, as unique as a snowflake, has our own gifts and talents. We share the Gospel in our little part of the world. Perhaps we feel like we don’t do enough, or aren’t effective enough. We feel as tiny as that snowflake. But consider how God needs each snowflake to do its little part to cover the land. Together, we can change the world! I do not have to do it all by myself. Neither do you. We just need to land where God places us and be the unique person He created us to be, spread God’s love, and make known all the good He does for us. The world will be a brighter place if we do.
How does any parent survive the death of a child? I cannot begin to answer this question as a professional counselor but only as a mother who has lived through the worst nightmare of her life. We were blessed with two boys who were the joy of our lives. The night of the accident, my husband Cliff and I, along with our 15-year-old son Chris, spent an indescribable, terrifying night waiting, hoping, and praying that David, our 17-year-old, would somehow return home safely. The accident occurred around 10:30 pm, but the highway patrol never discovered it until 7 am the next day. When we received the horrible news, our scant flicker of hope crumbled helplessly within our hearts. I cried from the depths of my being. I was emotionally numb. Looking back after all these years, I see how God, in His compassion and love, supplied my body and spirit with an emotional safeguard that temporarily blocked out the enormous shock of this painful, unbearable reality. Thinking of that night reminds me of the touching words of the poem entitled Footprints in the Sand, in which our loving God said: “During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.” God continued to carry our grief-stricken family through the painful funeral, the processing of life insurance claims, and the closing out of David's checking account. Each time I had to do these necessary things, I asked Jesus to give me strength. Tackling Grief After three weeks, I went back to work. I felt as though I was leading a double life during the months that followed. I would drag myself to work each day, drained and consumed with a deep sadness. For months, I felt as though I was an actress playing a part in a real-life drama. I tried to function normally at work, attempting to perform my required duties. At home, behind closed doors, I could then be true to my feelings and sob from the deepest part of a mother's grieving heart. Crying often became my only cleansing release. In this age of fast food, high-speed Internet, and instantly replaceable everything, society has a hard time accepting the fact that deep grief takes time to heal. If a person has a physical injury, he or she is pampered and taken care of until the wound has been completely healed. But it seems if a person has an emotional injury, he or she is expected, in a short while, to show up for work and be as efficient as ever. I finally had to accept the fact that society as a whole didn't consider emotional wounds to take time to heal. I had shared one part of that journey earlier in an article titled Impossible Made Possible*. Healing is not a single-moment-magic. I continued into the next year, processing through my pain and loss. With special dates like Thanksgiving, Christmas, David's birthday, and what would have been his high school graduation, I regressed into a deep sadness, filled with many days of crying. The professionals in the field of grieving state: “The healing process is more like a lightning bolt, full of ups and downs, progressions and regressions, dramatic leaps and depressing backslides.” When my sorrow overwhelmed me, God always sent caring neighbors, understanding friends, and loved ones. They each listened, loved me, and helped me to go on. Into the second year of processing my grief, I became aware of my deep hidden guilt. My guilt stemmed from an acute sense of regret about not being able to say all the many things hidden deep in my heart to my son David while he was alive. I knew, as a mother, I had made many mistakes while raising my son. I felt it was too late to share those precious thoughts and feelings with him. I suffered over this and asked God to forgive me. I felt God had forgiven me, but I couldn't forgive myself. I decided to write my son a letter in which I was able to express my deepest thoughts and feelings to him. After I finished the letter, I felt a sense of cleansing and release. David's physical life is over, but his soul is with Jesus, surrounded by unconditional love. This is indeed the promise that Jesus holds out to each of us. “I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in Me, even though they die, will live.” (John 11: 25) I have a renewed sense of hope because I know that I will see my child again at the Heavenly Banquet being prepared by our Father in Heaven. Through experiencing deep anguish and sorrow, I have emerged as a more compassionate person. As I release my son in love, I have received the healing power of God's grace. As my wounds have healed, so do I become an instrument of God's grace in reaching out to others who are grieving… *You can read the article Impossible Made Possible here: shalomtidings.org/impossible-made-possible
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