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Aug 01, 2017 3088 Connie Beckman
Engage

Taming the Tongue

I arrived home from work very tired. It had been a very busy and stressful day. I was looking forward to kicking back and watching my favorite rerun show, “Touched by an Angel,” at 6 pm.

I did not particularly want to make small talk with my husband or, for that matter, anyone else. I just wanted to tune everyone out for a little while. I wanted to escape into the world of the TV angels who had a way of fixing everything, no matter how serious and hopeless. I like the show “Touched by an Angel” because, in less than one hour, good always conquers evil. I like that time frame. How I wish life was like that—in 60 minutes or fewer your problems are solved and you live happily ever after.

Usually my husband is the quiet one and I am the one who likes to talk. But that particular evening, he just wanted to jabber on and on and on. I kept wondering to myself: Did he not know that I was not in the mood to talk or listen to him? Did he not know that? Could he not just read my mind after all these years of being together? I wanted to put duck tape on his mouth. Did he not know that I was trying to watch Tess and Monica, the TV angels, save the world in one hour or less? Did he not know how important that was to me? I felt a slow burning anger brewing inside of me.

I cannot remember if I actually told him to shut up or just gave him one of my priceless over-the-eyebrow looks. But one thing led to another and we ended up shouting at each other. I was in total shock at what happened next. I started screaming at him and all of my pent up frustration came pouring out like a dammed up ocean. At least for a fleeting, triumphant moment, I felt a great sense of relief, which quickly evaporated into a feeling of remorse and shame.

My husband had this stunned look on his face as he observed his usually calm, devout wife turn into a hysterical, out-of-control wild woman. We slammed doors as an added sound effect, just to let each other know the fight was finally complete. After several hours of a time-out period, I slowly crawled out from my corner while he cautiously emerged from his.

We talked and apologized for saying things we really did not mean. Nevertheless, the mean-spirited things we say in an outburst of anger have the power to destroy intimacy, love and trust in a relationship. If we allow these kinds of outbursts to happen over and over again it can have a devastating effect on the relationship as well as the children. Children who witness these kinds of outbursts frequently grow up repeating the same kind of behavior.

I must admit that even though I was completely ashamed of myself for my rampant outburst, at the time it felt deviously satisfying. Can the human heart understand or comprehend what kind of evil resides there, waiting to pounce on its unexpected prey? I could not help recall the words in James 3: 5-6, “In the same way the tongue is a small member and yet has great pretensions. Consider how small a fire can set a huge forest ablaze.”

In order to avoid resorting to those out-of-control tactics, I am learning to state in a calm, direct voice, “I need a little time to myself.” This seems to work better for all concerned. It keeps my husband and me on speaking terms and helps me to keep a tight rein on my tongue.

I continue to ask daily for the grace to live the words of wisdom found in Psalm 37:30: “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

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Connie Beckman

Connie Beckman is a member of the Catholic Writers Guild, who shares her love of God through her writings, and encourages spiritual growth by sharing her Catholic faith

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