Have you ever felt that God is turning His face away from you, hiding from you, or abandoning you? This perceived distance from God happens when we feel tired and fed up with life. However hard we pray, it seems as though God isn’t listening! “Why, O Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?” (Psalm 10:1).
Suffering becomes easy when we realize the “why” of suffering. This lack of knowledge confuses us, deep despair haunts us, and we may even feel that God has joined the ranks of our opponents. We feel baffled at our own falls. Like the disciples who were worried about the sleeping Jesus at the helm of their boat, God’s silence disturbs our peace. But our spiritual life becomes beautiful once we imbibe the capacity to learn from God in His silence.
This feeling of God’s silence or abandonment could be due to two reasons.
God might hide His face from man to lead him to deep repentance. In the parable of the Prodigal Son, for instance, the son had left his home and even wished for his Father’s death. The thought of a return journey had never even crossed his mind. When the drudges of the world left him penniless, all his friends left him alone. He had already lost his sonship, and now he was being denied even the swine’s share of pods.
That was when he thought about his Father. He “came to himself,” not when he was with his Father, but when his Father was hidden from him. The memory of his Father’s face at a home that had once been his too, made him wail and transformed his life. If someone had satiated his hunger before, he would never have repented. God loves us, not just by preparing the greatest of feasts for us but also by denying us any and all feasts. The same God, who leads us with amazing victories, loves us by giving us failures too. The Psalmist sings: “It is good for me that I was humbled so that I might learn your statutes” (119:71).
Secondly, God’s abandonment might lead us to meditate on eternity, leading us to understand the separation between the eternal and the transient.
Saint Therese of Lisieux had lost her mother at a very tender age. This affected her emotional state adversely, and henceforth, her father was everything to her. One Christmas night, Louise Martin told her: “Dear daughter, I won’t be here to celebrate next Christmas with you.” That night, in the privacy of her room, she told Jesus, “From this day forward, You are my Father.” She later related that those were times when a deep conviction took root in her that everything passes; only God accompanies you perpetually.
Our Lord says: “I will give you the treasures of darkness and riches hidden in secret places, so that you may know that it is I, the Lord, the God of Israel, who call you by your name” (Isaiah 45:3). To procure the treasure buried in the deep, God will let your soul wander into tumultuous darkness. Fear not; this will purify and strengthen you.
Lord, I am unable to grasp the meaning of many things in life or to accept most of them. Still, I trust in You. You love me not only by giving me everything but also by denying me much. Amen.
