With every act, we are aiming an arrow. Do we end up saying “Uh oh! Can I have a do over?” every time?
The conversation began the night before, as so many others do, innocently enough. It was on the short drive home that I recognized a sense of uneasiness. After reflecting on words I shared earlier with my friend, I wondered if what I was feeling was that familiar nudge from the Holy Spirit. Perhaps I had once again strayed outside the boundary lines that Psalm 16: 6-7 describes? “The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; I have a goodly heritage. I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me.” Pulling into the driveway, I quickly dismissed the thought...After all, this woman approached me with problems she was encountering with a couple of other women, and I was trying to be empathetic and understanding in my response.
Fighting my Dilemma
The next morning, however, it was clear that the Psalmist’s experience was now mine: the Lord indeed “counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.” Upon waking, something I’d learned some years ago about the power of our words immediately came to mind. Yes, everything I’d shared the night before was True. It was also Helpful, in the context of my relationship with this person. It was in the middle of the acronym, T.H.I.N.K. that it struck me. My response didn’t fit the definition of Inspiring! Sadly, it could hardly be considered Necessary either! Fortunately, my examination ended on a positive note, as my comments could be perceived as Kind, since I remembered listing the beautiful attributes I’d observed in each of these women while we were discussing my friend’s concerns.
Just as most of us have a particular flavor of ice cream, or other favorite food we indulge in again and again, so too, we may have a particular sin that we find ourselves choosing to entertain over and over. (The story of a man confessing to the priest that he had been having impure thoughts comes to mind...The priest asks: “Did you entertain them?” The penitent replies: “No, but they sure entertained me!”) I recognized that I had given in to my particular ‘flavor’ of sin, which I frequently confessed, but found myself repeating nonetheless…But my Confession didn’t elicit a chuckle from me, as the man’s in the story might have!
Pondering my dilemma, I wondered what questions might others in a similar position consider...What might that ‘favorite flavor of sin’ be for someone else? What might they, too, have confessed again and again to God, to a priest, or even to a friend they trust?
Moments of Growing up
The Greek translation of the word ‘sin’ in the Bible is the word ‘hamartano’, meaning a person shooting an arrow, but missing the bull’s eye. The one who missed the mark was said to have sinned. Despite my best intentions, I’d missed the mark!
After talking it over with the Lord that morning, I texted my friend. Only after asking for her forgiveness, and then sharing an insight that came to me as I was typing, did the root of my ‘hamartano’ finally dawn on me. In my text, I wrote: “My enjoyment of using words and sharing stories and conversations with people overrode my desire to avoid using my tongue in ways that weren’t necessary or inspiring.” I ended the text inviting her to hold me accountable if I wandered outside those ‘boundary lines’ in the future.
I soon received a text back: “No matter how long we’ve been walking with Jesus we continue to have our growth moments. You are forgiven! I agree our conversation went on longer than it should have, which put us in a dangerous territory. I’ll do my best to be more aware of those situations and also to hold you accountable, if needed, and ask that you do the same for me. Thank the Lord for His grace and mercy, and for showing us where we need to do better.”
Appreciating both my friend’s gracious reply as well as her honesty, I was encouraged to ‘do better!’ I realized that since it’s clear there must be something in us that we are feeding by indulging in, or by entertaining our most common temptation, it’s imperative we get to the root of the resultant behavior. By asking the Holy Spirit to reveal this root to us, we receive insight as to why we miss the mark repeatedly in this area.
What happened to us in our past that created a void we choose to fill through our particular flavor of sin? What need or desire are we feeding by this indulgence? Is there a wound festering from our brokenness that needs healing? What might be a healthier response we could consider that would not only avoid hurting others, but also, allow us to offer ourselves compassion and grace in our weakness? Knowing we are to ‘love our neighbor as ourselves,’ seeking to love others necessitates growing in loving ourselves, too, does it not?
Sow, Cultivate & Prune
Sometimes, we persist in the same behavior for years. Without someone having the courage to respond as my friend did, we continue in patterns that limit the Holy Spirit’s efforts to conform us more and more to the image of Christ. We may try to change, but unless we are motivated sufficiently, perhaps through asking another to be our accountability partner, we may give up and go back to our flavor of choice. Whether it’s rocky road ice cream, or my choice of unnecessary words, the Lord wants us to know how much more enjoyable our lives and the lives of others around us could be if we would allow His Spirit to lead us to other options.
I knew I needed to find a way to replace this tendency that I so easily fell into. I asked my friend to help me to be accountable when she observed me beginning to go down that familiar path again. Since all our efforts to avoid sin are to lead to better emulating the character of Jesus, Galatians 5:22-23 came to mind. I could choose to satisfy my hunger with one of the fruits of the Spirit, rather than my particular flavor of sin. Bearing the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control are evidence of the Holy Spirit’s partnering with us in our efforts to be more like Christ. Practice may not make perfect, but it does make progress! By directing my intention toward practicing one of these qualities, I knew I would eventually see the fruit of righteousness. Each fruit begins with a seed being sown, then fertilized, cultivated, and pruned, until, eventually we see the right behavior.
In the meantime, I will begin by fertilizing my mind with reminders like the proverb: "Words are like arrows; once shot they cannot be called back." Now that I know the root of my behavior, and have invited my friend to hold me accountable, I am making the choice to focus on exercising self-control, ending conversations with others when I sense they are ‘putting us in dangerous territory,’ as my friend so succinctly pointed out.
Having seen and tasted that the Lord is good, I know that only He can truly satisfy the desires of my heart. Psalm 16:8 continues: “I keep the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.” I lift my arrow once again to aim for the target. With His grace, in time, my arrowhead will come closer to the mark. Committed to being His disciple, I will follow Jesus, who is The Way…Home.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord my whole life long. (Psalm 23:6)