Trending Articles
We humans have a tendency to easily ignore the faults of those whom we love. The more we love someone, the less we find faults with them. Our complaints against, negative comments about, false arguments and criticisms for others tend to be toward those for whom we have a little or no love.
The more we love, the less complaints we seem to have against another. It is a natural and spontaneous flow. Therefore, an attractive personality demands a solid base on the effort to love the persons whom we interact with.
Throughout history, the word ‘love’ has been defined in many ways. The essence of love often eludes descriptions except for those who love and who has been loved sincerely. Almost all of human beings have experienced what the meaning of the word ‘love’ is; although we may not always find it easy to explain.
But perhaps if we look at ‘love’ as a verb instead of a noun, we can get some clarification. Here I refer to our very capacity to love, rather than love as a thing to be shared or increased. Love is more a capacity—just like the capacity to see, hear, smell, taste, or touch.
As there is 20/20 vision and diminished vision, so we have less love and more love. Just as in vision, it is the ‘power’ that matters. A speck in our eye can cause hazy vision. Excessive wax in the ear will affect our hearing. Likewise, managing tensed relationships has much to do with the ‘power’ to love.
If we try to love our parents but avoid our spouse, or if we love our spouse but ignore our children, or if we side with a cruel employer and are silent to suffering colleagues…we will feel powerlessness in our capacity to love. A person cannot love someone perfectly, when hating some others bitterly. This is because we are using a faulty faculty to achieve something great, just like using a broken vessel to draw water to the full.
For example, imagine if you were given a glass of clear, pure water. It happens that we poured dirt into the glass. The purity of the water has instantly diminished. If we try to give the polluted water to others to drink, would the distaste not be evident? Similarly, if we have a strain in one relationship in our lives, it will naturally affect our other relationships. Even a strained relationship is more ‘wounded love’ than ‘hatred.’
There is a story of a patient telling his doctor, “Wherever I touch, I feel pain.” The doctor conducted a full check-up and ran all sorts of tests, but she could find no problem with her patient. The patient, however, continued to complain and kept repeating, “Wherever I touch, I feel pain!” At last the doctor discovered the problem—the patient had a wounded index finger!
Though this story is a bit childish, it has a great message for our relationships. We find it difficult to love someone who acted against us or spoken evil of us. Many are not able to control themselves when demanding situations arise. Our actions and words are not that loving always. Likewise, we have all sorts of struggles in our relationships. Many times we are unable to sort it out or find an appropriate solution. It is an opportunity to identify whether we are sharing ‘pure’ love or ‘wounded’ love.
Saint Augustine once said, “Evil is the privation of Good.” Though this statement was said in an effort to explain the existence of evil, his thought offers us some insight into bettering our relationships.
A candle or a flashlight can spread light. But have you ever witnessed a flashlight spreading darkness? No. That is because darkness can only be found where there is an absence of light. It’s not an entity in itself, but some condition that is formed in the absence of something. Once light enters the scene, darkness has no role. It is consumed by the light.
Likewise, a hole can never be removed, but it can only be filled. The evils of human life can be sorted and ordered when we are filled and lit with the love of Jesus Christ. A ‘taking away’ technique does not always work when fighting against the evils of human life. Jealousy, pride, arrogance, and more – these evils are the consequences of the lack of Christ’s love in our hearts.
To describe love may be difficult, but to know and feel the love of Christ is easy. Something near a fire naturally gets warm. Thus, someone near God through prayer is filled with and warmed by with the love of God. So, there is a simple solution to be a more loving person – get more time to pray!
We are people on a constant search for truth, for answers, and for love. We often search for ‘something’ as our answers. For example, we see money as the solution to our financial crisis. We see healing as the solution to our sickness. Job or business success as our only way to get rid of debts. Thus, many a times we think ‘something’ as answers to our troubles. In this way, we are in constant search and reach nowhere. There is a solution for this trauma. The answer we seek should not be ‘something’, rather ‘someone’ – the person of Jesus Christ. Think with faith and walk in trust. Whatever be our problems, He has answers.
His love can heal us. If we are filled with the love that Jesus gives and begin to love others from that foundation, pure love will flow naturally in all our relationships. “God’s love has been poured into our hearts, though the Holy Spirit” (Romans 5:5). Let us pray that we may always be filled to the brim with God’s love.
Jinto Mathew serves on the Editorial Council of "Shalom Tidings," and is a regular columnist for Shalom Media USA's bi-lingual newspaper, “Sunday Shalom.” He has an MBA and Bachelor's Degrees in Theology and Philosophy. Mathew is author of several Indian-language books. He resides in Dallas, Texas, with his wife and young son.
Want to be in the loop?
Get the latest updates from Tidings!