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What is God’s Answer to the Problem of Suffering and Pain?

There are good, intelligent and true answers that we can gather from philosophers, scholars, saints and Doctors of the Church. A lot of those answers can feed the mind and when it is not us or someone we love who is suffering, we will find our intellectual appetites satisfied with those classic responses to the problem of pain.

In the abstract, when we are not suffering, it is a lot easier to see why a good and all-powerful God would allow evil, pain and even death. For example, God allowed that fire down the street because He gave us the gift of free will. Free will means that people can abuse their freedom by being irresponsible and failing to regularly check their smoke alarms. Even though the building burned down, which is bad, it created an opportunity for a lot of people to rise to the occasion and act heroically. That is good, right? By allowing it, God created space for good to win over evil. Something like this might forever change the future for those involved. It could have a ripple effect down to people’s grandchildren. It serves as an example to lots of other people who will now more regularly check their smoke detectors.

This wake-up call would therefore prevent other fires from happening. More than that, is it not the case that great tragedy has the potential to turn people back to God? We suddenly and sincerely start praying for other people. We might even realize that we have neglected our spiritual life and this event makes us ask some really serious questions about the things that matter most.

It is a lot easier to see your way through the woods when you are safe, comfortable, only thinking about the journey and merely looking at a map. It is a whole different story when it is dark, lonely and you are actually lost. Do not get me wrong, maps and intellectual answers are really important, but when it is personal and when it is painful is it really enough?

When it comes to suffering, these right answers are in fact right but they are not really enough. That is why we still cry out to God with our “Why?” We beg. We plead. We bargain. We get mad. We say things like, “Why did you allow it God? Why did You not stop that from happening? What is the point of all of this?” We ask these kinds of questions as if we really just want an answer. However, try imagining what would happen if God actually showed up. Imagine if He strictly responded to your question of why and gave a very clear, direct response? Then what?

Would we, as Dr. Peter Kreeft, Boston College philosophy professor, points out, really be satisfied with any rational explanation to our questions about suffering? Even if it is God’s reason—which is the best possible reason from the best possible source—would that not stop Him from leaving us with even more questions? Would we not, much like a child to a parent, ask, “But why that?” Would not every answer lead to another string of questions? If He indulged us and gave more answers, would we not just go on asking questions? Could this be a sign that we want something more than rational answers, no matter how often we demand them? Maybe what we are longing for is not just a something but a ‘someone’. Maybe the God, who knows us better than we know ourselves, knows this as well. Maybe that is why He does not often respond to our questions, especially when we are suffering.

A classic example comes right from the Bible in the book of Job. Job, a good man who honors the Lord, suddenly finds everything—his success, wealth, family and health—taken from him. The story opens with God directly acknowledging Job’s faithfulness and proceeding to allow his life to fall apart. By the end of the story, Job, although broken and beat, refuses to “curse God and die.” He refuses to let God off the hook for the misery he endures. He demands a response and, as the story continues, God shows up. If we jump to the end of the book, we find that Job is content. It is only after this satisfaction that God returns to him all that was lost and more.

The interesting part of the story is that Job does not find satisfaction based on God’s answer to his questions. In fact, God did not answer Job at all. When Job finally stood before God, his questions faded away and God turned the tables and instead asked questions to Job. These questions went beyond the scope of what Job could ever understand or answer. They reminded him, and us, that maybe we do not get an answer from God because our questions are too small and, right now, His answers are too large. God knows, like a good parent, that some answers must wait and, for now, all He can say to our demands for answers about suffering is, “Yes, I allowed this to happen. And for now, that has to be enough. For now, just know that I’m here. I’m with you. I love you. Let that be enough.”

In our own experience, we know that love and suffering are somehow already united. Though suffering is not explainable in a satisfying way when we are actually suffering, it is shareable. We can allow those that love us to suffer with us and when others suffer we can suffer with them. This is why, even more than fixing it or removing it, we are at our best when we love each other in suffering. It makes sense then that the cross is the central symbol and persistent paradox at the heart of Christianity: God, who cannot suffer or die, shares in our humanity to do these very things. God becomes man so He can be “with us,” not merely to take away the suffering—at least not yet—but to first let us know that He has always been there, that He Is here now, that He Is Emmanuel, that He is with us.

He is with us when it feels like our hands are held down and nothing is within our control. He is with us when we are taken advantage of. He is with us when we feel betrayed, when our body no longer can keep going, when innocence is robbed and hearts are broken, when senseless violence destroys hopes and dreams. He is with us when there are no answers and when there is only silence. Jesus actually died on the cross so we would know that even in death He is with us.

So let Him be with us in those happy moments—celebrate life!—but also in our suffering, in the small ways we suffer or, like Job, in the big ways. The Gospel is Good News because it promises that if we let it start now—this God-with-us existence—then we, like Job, will find contentment knowing He is present even in our pain. We find in His presence not just a God who shares our death, but a God who has risen from the dead and promises that we will not only get back what we lost, but more than we could hope to imagine!

I had just returned from a vacation spent in the company of an old friend. Because it rained during much of our trip, we ended up talking quite a bit over the course of a week. We talked about our lives, our families and our love for God.

It turns out that we have a lot in common. One of the things we discussed was the direction each of our lives had taken with regards to our schooling (college and beyond), our careers and our interests and activities. This made me think objectively and in regard to myself; I have lived a pretty average life.

A lot of the people I have known throughout my life have strived to be successful, but I have spent my life honestly trying to avoid worldly success. It is just not something I personally believe is important. Now, that may seem odd. I mean, what kind of loser does not want to be successful? Me. I am that loser. Actually, truth be told, v—but just not the world’s version of it.

The Definition of Success

I think the problem I have with “success” is how it is normally defined. Is success becoming famous, wealthy, creating a big money-making business or coming up with an idea that people cannot live without? Perhaps. But again, it depends on how you define success.

If all you are striving for is money, a successful business or fame, will you keep your dignity to achieve it? Will you help to improve the lives of others? Will you please God? After all that success, what happens when you die?

For me, I have been approached to place advertisements on my website. I have had offers to publish my writing on simplicity if I remove the mention of God. I have even been approached with a book deal, if I agree not to discuss certain topics that I prefer to discuss (my faith).

But what is the cost for “success”? For this so-called success I would have to compromise my principles, writing about topics half-heartedly because I might possibly offend someone. Or worse, trick them into buying a book that excludes my faith and mention of God, when I know that God is the answer to all things.

It is not worth it. One thing, though, is for sure. Whatever your definition of success is, it is something you are looking for … something that exists in the future. It is based on your desire to achieve something due to the nagging feeling that you are not where you want to be.

Real Success

Worldly people seek to define their success through the esteem and praise received from another. Success is often based on status and admiration. At best it is vain. It is also extremely subjective.

Human glory, worldly honor and earthly possessions—these are all empty and meaningless when compared to the love, honor and glory of God. True greatness and success is not in a person who is satisfied with himself, but it is only found in those with whom God is satisfied.

God will never estimate our merits or success by our knowledge, education, wealth, status or our position among others. He certainly will not be impressed if we are driving a new BMW. God will measure our success by our self-sacrifice, humility and charity toward others. God knows if we are thinking and relying too much on ourselves, or rather seeking His will. God knows if we give honor and glory to ourselves, rather than honoring and glorifying Him.

Do not get me wrong, I am not saying that having a good education, a good work position, owning your own company or even being a celebrity is a bad thing. But it is a bad thing when our motivation (or our end result) is the want or desire for admiration from others. God alone is to be worshipped; not us. If you love God in all things, you will praise His name, not yours. You will esteem and honor God’s will, not your own estimation of personal success and accomplishments.

In the end, success can only be measured in one way. Success is defined in finding joy, love, honor and glory in God. If you find your success and accomplishment in God and in God alone, you have found the greatest level of success ever possible.

I arrived home from work very tired. It had been a very busy and stressful day. I was looking forward to kicking back and watching my favorite rerun show, “Touched by an Angel,” at 6 pm.

I did not particularly want to make small talk with my husband or, for that matter, anyone else. I just wanted to tune everyone out for a little while. I wanted to escape into the world of the TV angels who had a way of fixing everything, no matter how serious and hopeless. I like the show “Touched by an Angel” because, in less than one hour, good always conquers evil. I like that time frame. How I wish life was like that—in 60 minutes or fewer your problems are solved and you live happily ever after.

Usually my husband is the quiet one and I am the one who likes to talk. But that particular evening, he just wanted to jabber on and on and on. I kept wondering to myself: Did he not know that I was not in the mood to talk or listen to him? Did he not know that? Could he not just read my mind after all these years of being together? I wanted to put duck tape on his mouth. Did he not know that I was trying to watch Tess and Monica, the TV angels, save the world in one hour or less? Did he not know how important that was to me? I felt a slow burning anger brewing inside of me.

I cannot remember if I actually told him to shut up or just gave him one of my priceless over-the-eyebrow looks. But one thing led to another and we ended up shouting at each other. I was in total shock at what happened next. I started screaming at him and all of my pent up frustration came pouring out like a dammed up ocean. At least for a fleeting, triumphant moment, I felt a great sense of relief, which quickly evaporated into a feeling of remorse and shame.

My husband had this stunned look on his face as he observed his usually calm, devout wife turn into a hysterical, out-of-control wild woman. We slammed doors as an added sound effect, just to let each other know the fight was finally complete. After several hours of a time-out period, I slowly crawled out from my corner while he cautiously emerged from his.

We talked and apologized for saying things we really did not mean. Nevertheless, the mean-spirited things we say in an outburst of anger have the power to destroy intimacy, love and trust in a relationship. If we allow these kinds of outbursts to happen over and over again it can have a devastating effect on the relationship as well as the children. Children who witness these kinds of outbursts frequently grow up repeating the same kind of behavior.

I must admit that even though I was completely ashamed of myself for my rampant outburst, at the time it felt deviously satisfying. Can the human heart understand or comprehend what kind of evil resides there, waiting to pounce on its unexpected prey? I could not help recall the words in James 3: 5-6, “In the same way the tongue is a small member and yet has great pretensions. Consider how small a fire can set a huge forest ablaze.”

In order to avoid resorting to those out-of-control tactics, I am learning to state in a calm, direct voice, “I need a little time to myself.” This seems to work better for all concerned. It keeps my husband and me on speaking terms and helps me to keep a tight rein on my tongue.

I continue to ask daily for the grace to live the words of wisdom found in Psalm 37:30: “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

We all know what it is like when you begin your rosary and you have to say the same mysteries again. Mary sees an angel, Jesus gets born; by the time you get to the finding of Jesus in the temple you are wondering, “What can I possibly think about that I have not already thought?” Of all the Mysteries of the Rosary please do not skip this one, because the Fifth Joyful Mystery in particular has a huge amount of relevance for many people’s lives.

There are many parallels that can be drawn between the Fifth Joyful Mystery and each of our spiritual lives. At the beginning of the story Joseph and Mary were happy. They finally were able to visit the holy city of Jerusalem—after a span of what was probably several years—to worship God, whom they loved above all else. They were traveling with dear friends and family; people they loved and for whom they cared. Not only that, but their little Jesus was now a young man old enough to make the journey to Jerusalem; you can imagine their pride in having such a son. It was a joyous occasion—they were surrounded by God in His Holy City with His precious Son. They were filled with God’s peace and joy and they were happy. This is how we are when we ourselves are close to God and His Church, our new Jerusalem.

As they started the journey home, you can be sure Mary and Joseph did not believe they were growing further and further from Jesus. Just as we and many of our fallen brothers and sisters do not realize that through our actions we are actively leaving Jesus behind. If that most holy of couples had realized the separation, they would have rushed back at once—but they did not, and every step they took led them further and further away. Distracted as they were by the joys and comforts of life—such as sharing good times with family and relaxing around the campfire—they did not realize Jesus was not there. Too often, we get distracted by what seem to be good things when, in reality, we are walking away from what is most important. Do not get me wrong—family is one of the most precious things we have in this world, sharing an amiable conversation with a neighbor is a beautiful thing and relaxation is wholesome and good, but not when they get in the way of your relationship with Jesus. These things are not bad in themselves; they cannot be condemned or shunned by good and holy people, which is why so many people get confused.

We know to avoid lying at any cost. We know it is wrong to kill and hate. We know adultery is a mortal sin. These things are easy to distinguish and avoid because they are cut and dry, plain and simple, easily identifiable. These are outside actions. Things we can see and feel. It is harder to recognize when something is taking over your interior life because we honestly do not pay much attention to it. This is why Jesus told us to pray—so that we could actually learn to pay attention to a very important part of ourselves that is often neglected. When you do take a moment of interior reflection you are jolted into shock just as Mary and Joseph were when they exclaimed, “Where is Jesus?!” Because you honestly thought He was there and He was not. You did not notice the growing miles that separated you with every footstep and now Jesus is lost, or rather, you are lost. Jesus has been where He will always be—at His father’s house.

So what should you do when you discover this alarming void in your life? You should be like Mary and Joseph and frantically scramble to recover what you have lost. However, take a note from Mary and check the temple first. Mary and Joseph searched all over trying to fill the gap in their life—trying to find Jesus. When people first begin to get that nagging feeling that something is missing, they often do not know what is causing it and that makes them uneasy. So they search everywhere for it. Just like Mary and Joseph they check the market stalls, the side street entertainment, the food vendor—and after three days or months or years or sometimes even longer, they finally think of checking the temple. They find Jesus, sitting exactly where He was supposed to be the entire time.

When it feels like something is missing from your life and you get a nagging feeling that you forgot something, take the time to stop and look around for Jesus. You may just find He is back in that temple and you have been busy walking in the opposite direction. If you discover this separation do not lose heart! After all, this mystery is called the finding of Jesus for a reason.

You probably know the pattern. A smart and gifted boy leaves home for school. He makes new friends. They spend most of their time partying, chasing girls, and embracing new philosophies. The son becomes drawn to a trendy religious cult. Eventually, he moves in with his girlfriend and they have a child, without being married. The boy’s mother can only sit by in despair, heartbroken over his choices and helpless. The only thing she can do is pray.

That is the story of many Catholics today—and maybe your story. Parents think that they are alone in facing these sorts of troubles, but this pattern is not a new one. It stretches back for centuries, and in the above case, even more than a millennium. It is the fourth-century story of Saint Monica and her young wayward son, Augustine. It is worth remembering how she led her son back to the Faith.

Monica was raised as a Christian, but like many people today, she married someone from a different faith. In her case, the man, Patricius, was an atheist politician. They had three sons together but their marriage was rocky. Patricius was a violent man and regularly abused her. He also was unfaithful to her throughout their marriage. But Monica remained patient. Other wives with marriage problems came to her for advice and she became a source of comfort for anyone suffering through difficult marriages. She served Patricius with selfless love and devotion, and she prayed for him every day. Eventually, her prayers bore fruit. A year before Patricius died, he converted to Catholicism—due mostly to Monica’s prayers and powerful example.

Although the conversion of Monica’s husband pleased her, she still worried about her son, Augustine. Though brilliant and gifted, he spent most of his time carousing the streets with friends, stealing food, and living promiscuously. He even fathered a son out of wedlock. Yet Monica refused to give up on her son, just as she committed to her husband. She prayed daily and intensely for Augustine, fasted for his sake, and begged God to help him return to faith. When Augustine traveled to Rome and Milan for his education, Monica followed him and continued praying.

While in Milan, she met Ambrose, the local bishop who would later be canonized a saint. Ambrose became a spiritual guide to her. He noted her restless longing for her son and the hours she spent praying for him. He promised her, “Surely the son of so many tears will not perish.” His prediction would eventually prove correct.

Augustine and Ambrose struck up a friendship and began discussions about Christianity. Ambrose was the first high-level Christian thinker Augustine had met. As a result of their many back-and-forth dialogues, Augustine finally decided to convert to Catholicism. Ambrose baptized the 32-year-old Augustine, who would eventually grow into one of the most influential thinkers in Western history, and one of the greatest saints in the Catholic Church.

Monica could hardly contain her enthusiasm after Augustine’s baptism. She and her son began sharing beautiful conversations about God and heaven. As she lay on her deathbed, content at having seen both her husband and her son come back to the faith, she felt her whole life’s mission had been accomplished. Today, the Church celebrates Saint Monica and Saint Augustine right next to each other in the liturgical calendar, with her feast day on August 27 and his on August 28.

Saint Monica exemplifies the power of a praying parent. She was not able to convince Augustine with words, and in fact, whenever she tried to talk to him about religion, he brushed her away. But through her daily, committed intercession, over more than fifteen years, Augustine was able to journey into the Church.

What can we learn from Monica’s example? First, do not stop praying for your child. When Monica complained that Augustine would not listen to her admonitions that he become a Catholic, Ambrose urged her, “Speak less to Augustine about God and more to God about Augustine.” She took his advice and never gave up, even when things looked dark. Eventually, her persistence paid off.

Jesus tells of a widow who was upset that a judge refused to hear her case. The widow kept coming to the judge with her request, over and over, until he finally relented, saying, “While it is true that I neither fear God nor respect any human being, because this widow keeps bothering me I shall deliver a just decision for her lest she finally come and strike me.” Jesus explained the parable, saying, “Pay attention to what the dishonest judge says. Will not God then secure the rights of his chosen ones who call out to him day and night? Will he be slow to answer them?” (Luke 18:1-8). In other words, God loves persistent prayer. He never tires of your requests, even if you bring the same needs to Him every day.

Joan Hamill knows that from experience. Joan prayed weekly for fifteen years for different family members to return to the Church. “I prayed for Saint Monica to intercede for our family members,” says Hamill. “As a result I had two brothers come back to the Church as well as my sister and brother-in-law.”

So, do not give up praying for your child. Like Saint Monica and the persistent widow, have confidence that God will reward your perseverance. The more resilient your prayer, the more likely God will answer it.

The second thing to learn from Saint Monica is not to just pray for your child—you should also pray for an “Ambrose” to step into your child’s life. Perhaps there is just too much baggage between you and your child so that he will no longer hear truth from your lips. That is understandable. Pray that God will bring someone else into his path, someone with just the right combination of personality, interests, motives, and heart. Just as Ambrose stepped in to help Augustine, so you might need someone to nudge your child along.

(Also, keep in mind that while you are praying for someone to step into your child’s life, other parents are praying the same thing for their child. And you may be that person! Even if your child tunes you out, do not be closed off to helping other children return to faith. You could be the Ambrose for someone else’s Augustine!)

The third takeaway is that you can ask Saint Monica’s intercession for your child. A recent survey asked Catholic parents, “When you pray, how often do you pray to or ask the intercession of…” and then listed several options. By far, the most common responses were “God the Father” (74% prayed to him always or most of the time), “God the Son, Jesus Christ” (59%), and “God the Holy Spirit” (45%). But you know what the least common response was? The saints … Only one-in-five Catholic parents regularly asked the saints’ intercession. That means the most Catholic parents are missing out on some of the greatest spiritual support available to us.

For Catholics, the saints are not dead and gone. Saint Monica did not cease to exist when she died in 387. Her body may have stopped functioning when her soul departed, but she remains alive in Christ, residing with Him in heaven for all eternity. And because the Church is one, indivisible body (1 Corinthians 12:12), which neither death nor life can break apart (Romans 8:38), we can still connect with those holy men and women who have already passed into the next life and ask for their prayers.

Among all the saints in heaven, few know the gutwrenching pain of a wayward child more than Saint Monica. Reach out to her and ask her to pray for your child, just as she did for Augustine. We regularly ask our friends on earth to pray for us, and we can do the same with the saints. In fact, the saints’ prayers are generally more powerful than ours here on earth since they are closer to the mind and heart of God—the saints are already in heaven! So next time you pray, offer a short request to Saint Monica such as this:

 “Saint Monica, I need your prayers. You know exactly how I’m feeling because you once felt it yourself. I’m hurting, hopeless, and in despair. I desperately want my child to return to Christ in His Church but I can not do it alone. I need God’s help. Please join me in begging the Lord’s powerful grace to flow into my child’s life. Ask the Lord Jesus to soften his heart, prepare a path for his conversion, and activate the Holy Spirit in his life. Amen.”

In all these ways, Saint Monica offers not only example but help in drawing our children back to the Church.

In Luke 10:19, Jesus told the 72 other disciples, “Behold I have given you the power to tread upon the serpents and scorpions and upon all the forces of the enemy and nothing shall ever harm you.”

We read in Luke 4:17:21, “Jesus stood up to read and was handed a scroll of the prophet Isaiah. He unrolled the scroll and found the passage where it was written, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because He has anointed me, to bring glad tidings to the poor, He has sent me to proclaim liberty to captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to let the oppressed go free, and to proclaim a year acceptable to the Lord.” Rolling up the scroll, He handed it back to the attendant and sat down, and the eyes of all in the synagogue looked intently at Him. He said to them, “Today, this scripture passage is fulfilled in your hearing.”

In the Book of John 14:12, Jesus said, “Amen, I say unto you, whoever believes in me will do the works that I do, and will do greater ones than these because I am going to my Father.”

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”—Acts 1:8.

From these different passages in the scriptures, we can say that the Lord’s will and design for our lives are for us to live a power-filled style of living. The source of this mighty power, this divine power in our lives, is the Holy Spirit. It is not from our own wisdom or knowledge or ability but from the Holy Spirit. However, many people, including Christians, do not live in the power that the Lord wants them to have. Many Christians claim for themselves only a minute portion of what God has made possible for them in Christ Jesus because they are ignorant of what the Holy Spirit can do and wants to do for them and through them. In John 7:37, Jesus says, “Let anyone who thirsts come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me as scripture says, “Rivers of living waters shall flow within him.” When Jesus mentioned the “living waters,” He was actually referring to the Holy Spirit, the third Person of the Holy Trinity. The Holy Spirit is the uncreated power of God. Jesus says in Luke 13:11, “If you then who are wicked know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will my Father in heaven give you the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?”

Some people describe His power as “dunamis,” a Greek word meaning “dynamite.” But I believe that this power that the Lord is giving us is more powerful, more potent than all the atomic bombs and weapons combined in this world. We have an awesome God and His power is mighty. There is no limit to His power. There is no description to His power. His power creates as well as destroys power that is not of Him and from Him. His power is Divine in nature and nothing is more powerful than divine power.

Allow me to share with you some principles to obtain power-filled living:

1. Have a constant, moment by moment, right personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.

He should be number one in our life. He should be the King, the Lord, the Savior of our life 24/7. In John 15:7-8, Jesus said, “If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask for whatever you want, and it will be done for you. By this is my Father glorified, that you bear much fruit and become my disciple.” Every time I read this passage in the scriptures, a feeling of tremendous excitement starts to “well up” within me.

2. Be an imitator of Christ.

In other words, we should strive to be like Jesus in every way. As a matter of fact, this should be the number one goal of a Christian. This necessitates for us to talk like Jesus, think like Jesus, act like Jesus did, have an attitude like that of Jesus and do what He commands us to do. Furthermore, it means “dying to self” so that we will be truly “alive in Him”(cf. Romans 6:11). I believe it is not impossible to achieve. Yes, we can achieve all of these through the power of the Holy Spirit. With God, nothing is impossible at all. In Philippians 4:13, Saint Paul states, “I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me.”

3. Constant, day-to-day, communication with God.

This is what prayer is—communication with God. We can do it with our eyes closed or our eyes opened. We can do it kneeling down or sitting down or standing up or walking around or even lying down. We can do it anywhere we are. We can do it with verbal outburst of emotion or without verbal words. Jesus said, “Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened unto you. For everyone who asks, receives; and for the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”

Now, how many Christians do you think pray but do not really have faith that God is going to do anything great? On the other hand, how many Christians have faith but do not have the discipline to pray? If we want to see the supernatural take place in our lives, we need to live a lifestyle that is focused on constant communication with God. In Phillipians 4:6, Saint Paul says, “Be anxious for nothing. But in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.” In James 4:2-3, we read, “Yet, you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it. And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.”

4. Be filled with the Holy Spirit.

Saint Paul says in Ephesians 5:18, “And do not get drunk on wine, in which lies debauchery, but be filled with the Holy Spirit.” Every day, we should ask the Holy Spirit in faith to fill us with His presence, His power and His grace. In Luke 11:13, Jesus said, “If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?”

5. Obey the Lord’s commands and the promptings of His Holy Spirit.

In 1 Samuel15:22, the word of God says, “Obedience is better than sacrifice, submission than the fat of rams.” Our obedience to the Lord and His commands for us really moves the heart of God. Once, I was praying over a man born blind in a Catholic Coptic Church in Bethlehem, Holy Land, during a Healing Rally. This Arab Christian, named George, was 58 years old and I could only see “the white flesh” in his eyes. I could not even see his pupils because they were covered with this “white flesh.” As I was praying over George, I heard the Lord’s voice in my heart, telling me to command the “spirit of blindness” to leave him in Jesus’ name. I obeyed what the Lord was telling me to do.

Minutes later, he said he could see “shadows,” then, as I continued to pray over him, he said he could see “lights” and finally he said he could see “everything” around him. George was totally healed of blindness that day! Only in obedience to the Lord and His commands can we experience the miracles unfolding before our eyes. The following year, I went back to the Holy Land as a tour leader for 48 pilgrims. We went to Bethlehem and I came to the same Church looking for George. But Father Yacob the Parish priest told me “You can no longer see him here. George has been out there sight-seeing ever since he was healed of blindness.”

6. Saturate your entire being with God’s words.

Jesus said in John 6:63, “My words that I speak to you, they are spirit and they are life. “Psalm 109:105 tells us, “Your word, oh Lord, is a lamp for my feet and light to my path.” Indeed, God’s word is power! In Revelations 12:11, the Word of God says, “We conquer Satan by the word of our testimony and by the blood of the Lamb.” The “Catechism of the Catholic Church” (CCC) 104, states, “In sacred scripture, the Church constantly finds her nourishment and her strength, for she welcomes it not as a human word, “but as what it really is, the word of God.” “In the sacred books, the Father who is in heaven comes lovingly to meet His children, and talks with them.” Saint Jerome, one of the Doctors of the Catholic Church, says that “ignorance of scriptures is ignorance of Christ.”

7. Let us avail ourselves of the sacraments of the Catholic Church,

especially the sacraments of reconciliation or confession and the Eucharist. CCC 1422 states, “Those who approach the sacrament of penance obtain pardon from God’s mercy for the offense committed against Him, and are, at the same time, reconciled with the Church which they have wounded by their sins and which by charity, by example, and by prayer labors for their conversion.” It further maintains, “Jesus calls to conversion. This call is an essential part of the proclamation of the kingdom: ‘The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel.’” In the Church’s preaching this call is addressed first to those who do not yet know Christ and His gospel. Also, baptism is the principal place for the first and fundamental conversion. It is by faith in the gospel and by baptism that one renounces evil and gains salvation, that is, the forgiveness of all sins and the gift of new life (CCC 1427). In order for God’s power or anointing to remain in us, we should also avail ourselves with the Sacrament of the Eucharist daily, if possible.

The Holy Eucharist, The Documents of Vatican Council II tells us, is “the source and summit of the Christian life” (Lumen gentium, number 11; cf. CCC 1324). “At the Last Supper, on the night He was betrayed, our Savior instituted the Eucharistic sacrifice of His Body and Blood. This He did in order to perpetuate the sacrifice of the cross throughout the ages until He should come again, and so to entrust to His beloved spouse, the Church, a memorial of His death and resurrection: a sacrament of love, a sign of unity, a bond of charity, a Paschal banquet ‘in which Christ is consumed, the mind is filled with grace and a pledge of future glory is given to us’” (CCC 1323). We encounter Jesus in a very special way through the sacraments of the Church. Needless to say, the sacraments are also great sources of power in a person’s life.

8. Have an expectant faith, a kind of faith that can move mountains.

What is the Biblical definition of faith? Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen (Hebrew 11:1). Jesus said in Luke 17:6, “If you had faith like a mustard seed, you would say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and be planted in the sea’; and it would obey you.” “And without faith, it is impossible to please God.”(Hebrew 11:6). Faith is one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit. It is God’s will for us to have a supernatural kind of faith, a faith that can move mountains. We are all unworthy to be used by the Lord. Early in my ministry of preaching, teaching and healing, I reminded the Lord that I am unworthy and I feel unworthy to be a vessel of His power. He spoke into my heart. He said, “My son, I shed my precious blood for you on the Cross in Calvary. By doing so, I made you worthy of my love for you.” I, then, asked Him to grant me the faith that can move mountains. Faith can move the heart of God.

How to Use God’s Power?

1. Use it in the Name of Jesus and by the power of His Holy Spirit.

In Ephesians 2:9-11, Saint Paul says, “For God has highly exulted Him and bestowed on Him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee shall bend of those of heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord for the glory of God the Father.” In November 2007, a lady called from Michigan asking me to pray with her for the dead fetus in her womb. She said, “I’m four months pregnant, but tomorrow, the doctors will have to remove the dead fetus from my womb. I am very scared of the doctor’s procedures and very distraught over what happened to my baby.” She said all the tests had confirmed the demise of the baby in her womb.

As we started to pray, I sensed that the Lord wanted me to speak life into the dead fetus. I followed the promptings of the Holy Spirit. I spoke life into the baby at least three times in the mighty name of Jesus. But I did not hear from the lady again until February 2008, which was five months later. She told me that she just delivered a healthy, eight-pound baby girl. When I asked her what happened, she said that on the day when the “dead” fetus was to be removed, the doctors were startled to detect heartbeats in the ultrasound. Truly, there is power in the Name of Jesus if we invoke it with love and reverence and with expectant faith.

2. Use it for God’s glory.

In 1 Corinthians 10:31, Saint Paul says, “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God.” All honor and glory rightfully belong to God alone, for, without Him, we are nothing and we cannot do anything.”(cf. John 15:5). When I pray for the sick, for instance, I always ask the Lord for His name to be glorified through the healing of the person.

3. Use it with humility.

There is nothing except pride that can block, warp or dilute the power of God. Psalms 18:27 says, “For you save a humble people, but the haughty eyes you bring down.” Therefore, the more humble we become, the more power and anointing from God that will reside upon us. 1 Peter 5:5 reads,” Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.

Jesus Himself is the model of humility par excellence. According to Saint Paul in Phillipians 2:5-8, “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, He humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

4. Use it with boldness.

We should always remember that “the Kingdom of God is not only a matter of words but of power” (cf. 1 Corinthians 4:20). The power of God should be used with boldness in the Holy Spirit. When the power of God is unleashed in our midst to further the Kingdom of God, it will always accomplish its intended purposes. In 2 Timothy 1:7, Saint Paul wrote, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self discipline.” In Acts 4:31, the word of God says, “And when they had prayed, the place in which they were gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and continued to speak the word of God with boldness.” My brothers and sisters, because of their boldness in the Holy Spirit, the apostles and the disciples had turned this world “upside down” and “inside out” and this world has never been the same. The good news is that we are also called by the Lord to do the same by virtue of our baptism.

5. Use it in love.

Love is the key that opens the Kingdom and the heart of God. In 1 Corinthians 13:13, the word of God says, “So faith, hope and love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” For sure, if we use God’s power with love, everything will be possible for us. In John 4:16, we read, “We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.”

God bless you all!

It is something I learned from my grandfather’s preaching while I was growing up: sin cycles. “You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing loving kindness to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments …” (Exodus 20:5-6).

Recently, All For God Youth Ministry shared a powerful clip from Jackie Francois-Angel on its Facebook page, which witnessed to this reality. “If you were abused,” she says, “you’re more likely to abuse …” Divorce, pornography, anger, etc.—all of these sins have a tendency to be passed down through generations, and from perpetrator to victim, creating a kind of cycle of sin.

To be honest, I was always a bit freaked out by hearing this. On the one hand, it is scary. Look around at all the junk in the world and you can see the grim reality of the cycle of sin. Does it not seem hopeless at times? Better not accumulate any baggage I used to think when the topic of generational sin would come up. Better find someone to marry who does not have any, either, or else our kids will pay the price. Of course that is not really the point. In reality we are all born into the cycle of sin. We all bear the original sin of our first parents, and each of us is affected in some way by the choices–good or bad–of the families to which we belong.

Yes, every sin hurts us, and if we do nothing, the cycle of sin can destroy us and even threatens to rip apart our families. But it is not hopeless. Thanks to Jesus, we get a choice. “When does it stop?” My grandpa would say when he would preach on this, “It stops when someone stands up and claims the Holy Spirit as Lord of the family.” It stops when we, as Jackie says in the clip, “plant the Cross of Christ in our hearts,” and decide we do not want it anymore. It stops when we realize that we cannot break free from the cycle on our own, but that Jesus wants to—and actually can—free us.

So we ask the Holy Spirit to be real in our lives. We begin to follow Jesus with the conviction that He is alive and actually working in our lives in every moment. We choose to say “No” to sin and “Yes” to Jesus—every single day! That is how you break the cycle of sin. Stand up and be free; it is what you were created for. But now that you have been freed from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit that you have leads to sanctification, and its end is eternal life. “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:22-23).

Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your home, your children like young olive plants around your table (Psalm 128:3).

Ben and I chose this as the Responsorial Psalm for our Nuptial Mass nearly ten years ago. We imagined a fruitful life in every way, especially when it came to our dream of having a large family. Neither of us grew up in a particularly large family. I only have one younger sibling, a brother, and Ben has two younger siblings. Both of our mothers are only children.

As we planned our wedding day, we discussed how lots of babies would fulfill our hopes of growing our home and expanding the family tree. Ben said, “At least four kids” when asked by Father Joe during our FOCUS questionnaire. I was resigned to the number God had planned for us, certain that it could not be fewer than what Ben envisioned.

But, as every faithful Catholic knows, God’s plans are often not what we expect. Yes, they are always greater than our hopes and dreams, but they are difficult to comprehend, let alone believe, when we are in the midst of such silent pain as infertility.

When people see photos of our family, they do not realize that the two beautiful girls God has given us were not easily brought into being. After many bouts of appointments with our Creighton Fertility Care Practitioner and NaPRO doctor, I had to undergo several exams—pelvic ultrasounds, blood tests, new medications, more tests, wait several months, more tests and more self-administered shots. The roller coaster of infertility was excruciating.

All people see are our smiles. They do not realize the many months I spent alone, sobbing, not knowing why it was so difficult for us to have children. The longing for more only lingers in my heart as we wait—again—to see what God has planned for us. It is a struggle to share one’s journey of infertility, especially when one already has children, because the world does not understand that pain. The message we hear is, “You already have two children. Isn’t that enough?”

Infertility is a type of grief over the child who never was. Ben and I mourned, at different times, over a phantom child—a yearning, a vision—rather than losing a child to miscarriage, stillbirth or other reasons (all of which are equally painful to infertility). When a couple chooses to follow God’s plan for building a family, it is always a way of abdicating self-will in favor of God’s will. This means always remaining open to children, saying yes when God may say no or not yet.

Ben and I have come to see why the Church has such a beautiful vision of fertility and reproduction, because we live it every day. We have never used any kind of contraception and we have never pursued artificial means of achieving a pregnancy. Because we have allowed God to lead—even and especially when we were ready for another baby and had to wait indefinitely—we grew to profoundly respect God’s designs in creating another human life.

With both of my pregnancies, I was keenly aware of God’s grand and special purpose for our girls. Though I carried them in my womb, I always knew first and foremost they were God’s children. Because I do not conceive children easily or immediately, I also grew in humility to defer to God’s perfect timing rather than my own.

We must realize that, despite the fact that the world either views children as a burden or a commodity, they are neither. They are gifts. Children are not a right of every couple, which is a hard fact to accept. This means that we cannot force conception in ways that separate the unitive and procreative act of conjugal love between husband and wife.

Many infertile couples will never speak of their grief because it is so private and tough to articulate. We do not offer this as a point of conversation because we know it is awkward and maybe too revealing. Yet infertility is a persistent, prevailing type of chronic grief that is always lingering somewhere in one’s mind and heart. The ache for a child—or more children—that is never fulfilled may be met with cries and pleas of desperation to God.

We tend to ask “why” rather than merely surrender our fertility to God, always with a willing and open heart, always saying, “Yes, Lord. I give you everything. I trust you.” Even if we never have biological children, God may be calling some of us to foster care or adoption. If neither of these happen, perhaps God is calling us to be fruitful in other ways—as spiritual mothers and fathers.

Those who struggle with infertility may experience it once, twice, three times or more. Some may have one child or more children or perhaps none at all, but the constant, nagging cross of infertility is knowing that one is barren in some way. When we can all accept that we are barren (figuratively or literally) and that this type of poverty is, in fact, a blessing, perhaps we will begin to view infertility differently. It will not alleviate the pain or compensate for the lack of pattering feet in our homes, but it will give us new hope and a different perspective.

I consider all of the natural talents and spiritual charisms God has given me—writing, speaking, teaching, encouraging, nurturing and listening—and I realize that these are ways He has called me to be fruitful in the excruciating times of waiting and wondering if another baby will one day grace our home and family.

We are all called to be fruitful vines. It is impossible to foresee the reasons why God may not bless our lives with children, but we can look to the ways He asks us to give of ourselves and our bodies in a mystical sense that will bear spiritual fruit in the hearts of those we encounter. Continue to say yes to God, and He will bring about immense good from that gift of trust.

It was a white-knuckle kind of day. Nothing went as I planned. Nothing. I was just trying to get through the mess of a day I was having.

A nagging pain in my left side (cancer side) had been ignored for more than a month. Rather, I ignored it. That morning, I had finally confessed the issue to my doctor while there on a separate concern. A PET scan was ordered. I left the office with a blank face, having dried my tears in the exam room before anyone else could see. Driving home, I contemplated the possible outcomes and whether the ticking time bomb of cancer within me was due to explode—again. Oh how quickly a traumatized brain can sink to those dark and scary places.

That day was a Holy Day of Obligation. Having missed the earlier Mass while at the doctor’s office, I hurried to the late Liturgy. The weight of my cross made it hard to breathe and focus during the Homily. I tightened my grip and pushed through. As the priest lifted the concentrated Host, I lifted my eyes to adore my Lord. Simultaneously, several rows in front of me a woman appeared to collapse her head on her folded hands before her. Her position was one of anguish and total surrender. What was her sorrow? What was her cross? I imagined at the moment of consecration hearing the thud as she laid down her cross at the foot of Our Lord’s Cross. I could see the dust fly up as her burden hit the ground.

I was jealous … not of her sorrow, but of her total trust and surrender to God. She brought her pain to the Mass and made it an offering, uniting it to Christ’s sacrifice on Calvary. I kneeled stoically a few pews behind her, gripping my cross with fear and resentment. I was clinging to a cross I could not carry alone. I stubbornly hoisted this beast upon my shoulder day after day and in my pride I shielded it from God. I was consumed by this false confidence. I would control this burden. The illusion of control and power over this cross was intoxicating to my ego and like poison to my soul.

The great “Amen” rang out among the congregation and the familiar motions of Mass focused my attention back on the altar. Then I saw her. She lifted her head once again having made her offering and she stood straight and strong. As the Mass ended I could see her pick up her cross once more. Now renewed in communion, she filed out of the church with a peaceful countenance.

I kneeled. The Mass was over and the church empty. Wanting to remain in the intimate embrace of the Eucharist within me, I prayed for the ability to trust, to surrender, to give God the freedom He wanted to live and move and work in me. He had given me the grace to see the thickness of my pride even in suffering. In my pride, I gripped my cross until my knuckles were white. I never laid it down. I never surrendered to His providence and I never trusted. I controlled.

Now on my knees I begged to be a little child with total confidence in my Heavenly Father. As a child I am powerless.

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to be a little child with total confidence in your love. Amen.

Terrified of spinning out of control, I repeated this prayer over and over again and slowly, very slowly, released my hold.

Near-death accident. Self-reflection. Priorities. What do they all have in common? Well, at least for me, they helped me with gaining perspective. April 14, 2010, is a day I will never forget. Having made an “it’s about time” exit from winter, spring was amongst us and the grass in my lawn was screaming, “Give me a haircut!” With no gas in my shed to show for, I decided to go to the nearest gas station to get some. A friend and I jumped into my car and headed out. But my grass never ended up getting mowed that day.

What did happen that day was I ended up with seven broken ribs, a punctured lung, a fractured spine and a severed spleen. You see, on the way to getting the gas, a tractor-trailer, going about 70 miles per hour, decided to run a red light and, subsequently, run into my car. My car did not make it but, miraculously, both my friend and I did. It was a near-death accident. We lived. Barely. Actually, we survived by about a half second or less, according to the police officer who came to visit me in the hospital. The tractor-trailer hit the front of my car, spinning us several times into a nearby ravine. Another half second or less, he would have hit me dead-on at my driver’s side door, which would have instantly killed us both.

After my car stopped spinning, by hitting a fence in the ravine, although I had difficulty breathing I remember thinking, “Thank you, God, I’m alive.” I also thought, “I’m in some serious pain. I think I’ll just rest here until the ambulance arrives.”

No such luck. My friend Matt, who was sitting in the passenger seat, informed me that the entire hood of my car was on fire … and that we had better get out.

Quickly. So we did. Even though I was beat up badly, I managed the energy to eject my seat belt, open my door … and run for about 20 feet before passing out.

Within less than a minute (or so I have been told) my entire car was engulfed in flames. I remember being put into the ambulance on a backboard, with my head and feet strapped down. I had no idea what had happened to Matt, but the ambulance driver told me he would be ok.

I was not so sure about myself. I could not breathe. I did not know my left lung was punctured and I literally thought I was choking to death. I could not move my legs because they were strapped down, and I heard one of the paramedics talking about how I might have broken my spine. I was terrified.

You Have Got to Be Kidding Me

Then it happened. As my ambulance started to pull away from the accident scene, we were struck. A car hit our ambulance. One of the paramedics went flying across the back of the ambulance. Another nearly fell on top of me. And me, barely able to catch my own breath, managed to say, “Good grief, in the span of 15 minutes, I’ve been in two car accidents.”

Both paramedics laughed. So did I, a least on the inside. The second accident was not major (just a dent I was later told) and we rushed to the hospital, where I received a one-week, all-inclusive stay.

After being taken care of by the most kind and caring nurses ever, I went home to heal. I was out of work for about four weeks. According to the doctors, I should have been out for three months—and they could not believe how quickly I recovered. I remember the four weeks feeling like an eternity. I was used to being constantly busy. This gave me a lot of time to think, a lot of time to pray, a lot of time to reflect, especially about my life.

A Change of Priorities

Since the accident, I have seriously considered my pre-accident priorities, which I am now sad to admit were a bit materialistic and shallow.

Talk about gaining perspective. My priorities included working my way up at my corporate job, owning lots of nice things and living mostly for me.

Since the accident, prayer and self-reflection have helped me to see that I was wasting time and opportunities. It also has helped me to stop worrying about all my little problems and to start seeing opportunities in giving of myself to others. It is always hard for me to explain, but it is as if God allowed (even willed) the accident so I could finally see my distorted view of what I perceived as normal, so God could create a new normal for me.

I am certainly far from perfect, but since my near-death accident (over several years mind you) I have started to concretely realize certain things, all from God:

◗ Most of the small problems that we deal with in life are not important at all;

◗ Our time on earth is short and we should try our best to live it for God, not ourselves; and

◗ We need to focus on living in the present, let go of the past and stop worrying about the future.

Since the Accident

About two years after the accident, I left corporate America. For good, I hope. I now make far less money and I am exponentially happier. I stopped buying new things (except when necessary) and donated a lot of the things I already owned. I became grateful for what I have versus endeavoring for what I do not.

I now take care of my mother, who is confined to my house, which means I also spend most of my free time at my house. I have amazing friends who are incredibly supportive and helpful, to both my mother and me. Without them, caring for her would not be possible. Because of these many hours that I must now stay at home, I have been able to try something I have always wanted to do—writing. I am immensely enjoying it.

Most importantly, I have developed a much stronger relationship with God and it is growing every day. I am trying to love Him more than myself.

At the end of each day, I have a routine to thank God for three things specific to that day.

There is one more thing that I thank God for each day—seven broken ribs, a punctured lung, a fractured spine and a severed spleen.

From time to time, adjustments are needed in the way we communicate with others. I recall a phase a few years back (when all eight of our kids lived at home) when there was a lot of bickering going on among all of us. Verbal jabs, sarcastic comments and accusations had somehow become routine forms of communication.

But wait, my wife and I thought. We are a family. We love one another. We can do better than this. The solution? Every night after dinner we began to go around the table and each of us would identify at least one thing—relating to another family member—for which we were grateful that day. It could be something someone had done or a character quality we appreciated.

“I’m grateful to Mom for making my favorite dinner tonight.”

“I’m grateful to Christian for being patient with me, and helping me with my homework today.”

“I’m grateful for T.J. having such a terrific sense of humor.” And on it went.

Although it felt a bit awkward at first, we all improved quickly, especially the younger kids who proved to be gratitude rock stars. Over the course of time, this simple exercise actually helped the culture of our family become more positive, humble and mutually supportive.

I was reminded of this exercise the other day. I have been busy promoting my new book, “How God Hauled Me Kicking and Screaming Into the Catholic Church.” In one social media group, a woman posted a rather nasty comment and it struck me that our broader culture is in the same place my family was as we struggled through our negative phase—verbal jabs, sarcastic comments and accusations have somehow become routine forms of communication.

So what is the solution? Obviously, we all cannot just go around the table after dinner. Perhaps a few ground rules could be useful for those of us who would like to see a basic sense of human dignity restored within our culture. I recognize that not everyone strives for that goal, but thankfully many people do. For those who would like to be part of the solution, I humbly offer the following thoughts – recognizing this is far from a comprehensive solution:

1. Lead with respect. If someone else is a jerk, it is usually reflective of things going on in his own life—and there is a lot of pain in this world that we do not see at first glance. Giving others the benefit of the doubt up front, rather than responding indignantly, can help us see past the various masks people wear and lead to a more meaningful dialogue.
2. Remain humble. This does not come naturally to most of us, myself included, but humility is a key to authenticity and building real relationships with others. It causes us to focus on others more and ourselves less and we could use a bit of that these days.
3. Resist manipulation. We have all seen how hyper sensitivity and outrage have become blunt instruments in the hands of those who seek to manipulate others. This desensitizes us to things we really should be outraged about and makes for a lot of angry people. Whatever happened to the manipulation-free “I disagree with your beliefs, but will defend to the death your right to believe them” way of thinking?
4. Be grateful. Have you ever noticed that when we focus on what we do not have, it breeds misery and, conversely, appreciating what we do have makes us happy? There are a lot of good people in this world. Personally, I consider my family and friends to be an embarrassment of riches. Maybe we can begin reflecting this by being intentionally grateful toward another person at least once a day.
5. As I describe (through many deeply humiliating stories) in my book, a lot of people put up with me during my teen years to the point of heroic virtue. Can we invest in others, be willing to endure some pain along the way and hold out hope for all of us, even those who are the most difficult?

You do not need to go far to find astonishing comments in comboxes and media of all sorts. If we want things to improve, we need to begin with the only people we can change—ourselves. I actually attempted to follow my own advice with “How God Hauled Me Kicking and Screaming Into the Catholic Church,” which was written in a manner intended to be respectful to non-Catholics, including many family members who, happily, have enthusiastically responded.

I am far from perfect, and so is this list, but perhaps we can learn to avoid routinely communicating via verbal jabs, sarcasm and accusations. Maybe we can do better. I invite you to join me in trying.