Engage

What Does the Father Desire?

Have you ever stopped to think about that?

I spend so much time telling the Father what I desire that I rarely stop to ask what He desires. A friend once shared with me a humorous, yet convicting conversation he had with his wife. She asked him, “If you could be a fish what kind of fish would you be?” He was perplexed. “I don’t know, maybe a shark or a dolphin? What would you say?” Just like a fish, he took the bait—hook, line and sinker. His wife smiled wryly and promptly shared: “If you were a fish, you would be a Sel-fish!” Ouch! It pierced his heart. I have gone swimming in those waters a time or two myself. “Selfish” is not a good type of fish to be. Such conviction, and desire for a deeper relationship with Him, has led me to ask the Father more readily what it is He desires. I am not going to pretend to know the depth of that answer, yet Scripture and Church teachings do provide us with enough hints to enable us to piece some things together concerning the Father’s desire.

Friends of God

Let us start with the words of John the Beloved: Jesus says, “I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father” (John 15:15). I tend to read these words so quickly that I miss what Jesus is saying: “I have called you friends.” Jesus calls us His friends and as His friends He reveals to us everything the Father is doing. That is very profound. If I would only grasp this more fully …

Earlier in John’s gospel, John 5:19, Jesus says this: “Very truly, I tell you, the Son can do nothing on his own, but only what he sees the Father doing; for whatever the Father does, the Son does likewise.” Jesus can do only what He sees His Father doing; Jesus does what the Father does. Then in John 14:12, John records these words from Jesus: “Very truly, I tell you, the one who believes in Me will also do the works that I do and, in fact, will do greater works than these, because I am going to the Father.” These words shatter my limited paradigms. If we pause a second and think about it, these words alone could transform our lives: Jesus is telling us that if we believe we will do what He does. What are all the things that Jesus did/does? What an amazing promise. Putting it together: Jesus ONLY does what He sees His Father do. As followers of Jesus, He calls us His friends. As His friends, He makes known EVERYTHING the Father is doing. Not only that, but He promises us that if we believe we will do the things He does! That is amazing.

After Jesus says that we can do what He does, He goes on to say this, in John 14:13-14 “I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If in my name you ask me for anything, I will do it.” If we were to take Jesus at His word and ask Him what it is His Father is doing and what it is the Father desires, what might He share with us?

God’s Desire

I would presume God’s desires are many, none less than His desire for a relationship with us [“Catechism of the Catholic Church,” 27]. There is something profound in the area of our Father’s desires, related to the secrets of His Kingdom. They can be found within the mysterious words of the Lord’s prayer that we utter on every Sunday at Mass. Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:7-13: “When you are praying, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do; for they think that they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. Pray then in this way:

Our Father in heaven,

hallowed be Your name.

Your kingdom come,

Your will be done,

on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread,

and forgive us our trespasses,

as we forgive those, who trespass against us.

Lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from evil.

More Than a Routine Prayer

I do not know about you, but I have been praying the Lord’s Prayer ever since I was a little boy. It was a routine prayer that I uttered from memory, having no clue of the power within the words of this declaration. “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven …” What is Jesus telling us through these words?

Our Father:

Paul tells us in Romans 8:15, “For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the spirit of sonship. When we cry, “Abba! Father!” “Abba is the Aramaic word for father” (www.catholic.org/encyclopedia). “… used by Jesus and Paul to address God in a relation of personal intimacy” (Dictionary.com). Jesus was telling us that His Abba is our Abba and when we talk to Him, make it personal. God is our Abba, our Father.

In heaven:

Our Father resides in heaven. That seems so far away, at least that is how I viewed it. Much like my dad who left when I was five years old, God the Father felt distant, somewhere far away in the clouds. Is Heaven so far away? What did Jesus mean when he said, in Matthew 4:17. “… the kingdom of heaven is at hand”?

Hallowed be Your name

God’s name is holy. The name signifies nature. Holy is who He is. God is all holiness. He is only good, true, loving and holy. He has no evil in Him. He is only good and holy.

Your kingdom come:

This is where it gets really interesting. “Your Kingdom come. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven …” What exactly is it that we have been praying for over all these years? What was Jesus teaching us?

On earth, as it is in heaven:

According to the words that Jesus taught us in the Lord’s Prayer, it seems apparent that our Father desires for His Kingdom to come and His will to be done on EARTH, as it is in HEAVEN. It seems in our western Christian culture, we have made it about getting to heaven as if it is our destiny to endure the sufferings of the earth until we can one day crawl into this place called heaven. While it is true that Christ is seated in heaven at the right hand of the Father and He has made a place for us in heaven, I do not think it is His goal for us to endure earth until we get there.

The prayer we pray on Sunday says so much more than that:

Your kingdom come.

Your will be done,

on earth as it is in heaven.

What Does the Church Say?

These words from one of the principal documents of the Second Vatican Council are enlightening:

“The Son, therefore, came, sent by the Father. It was in Him, before the foundation of the world, that the Father chose us and predestined us to become adopted sons, for in Him it pleased the Father to re-establish all things. To carry out the will of the Father, Christ inaugurated the kingdom of heaven on earth and revealed to us the mystery of that kingdom … The time is fulfilled and the kingdom of God is at hand.” In the word, in the works and in the presence of Christ, this kingdom was clearly open to the view of men … From this source, the Church, equipped with the gifts of its founder and faithfully guarding His precepts of charity, humility, and self-sacrifice, receives the mission to proclaim and to spread among all peoples the kingdom of Christ and God and to be, on earth, the initial budding forth of that kingdom …” (“Dogmatic Constitution on the Church,” Lumen Gentium, promulgated by Pope Paul VI, November 21, 1964). Christ introduced the kingdom of heaven on earth and revealed to us the mystery of that kingdom … As Christ declared, the kingdom of God is at hand.

A Greater Goal

A friend once humorously shared with me that if the only goal was to get to heaven then we should have been kept under water during our baptism. The goal and desires of the Father are much greater than just enduring the sufferings on the earth to one day get to heaven. As we hear the words of Jesus in the “Lord’s Prayer,” the desire of our Father is for heaven to come here on earth, through you and me, His church. Luke 11:1-2 states, He was praying in a certain place, and after He had finished, one of His disciples said to Him ‘Lord, teach us to pray, as John taught his disciples.’” He said to them, “When you pray, say: Father, hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come …” May our Lord’s desire be fulfilled on earth as it is in heaven.

I was a romantic child and I still am! I still love fairy tales. As a teenager I would spend lots of time daydreaming about the prince that would sweep me off my feet, this future man who would complete me. Little did I know that He was already standing right there beside me. He had already pitched his tent on the surface of my heart waiting there until I invited Him to pour Himself into me. I had no clue then that the strong masculine heart I longed to lean upon was Himself—His Sacred Heart burning ferociously with love for me.

I grew up Catholic, went to Catholic schools, and went to Mass every Sunday. My first experience of Him “pouring Himself into me” was at a visit to Franciscan University as a senior in high school. I was prayed over for the Baptism of the Holy Spirit and I experienced and knew His love for me in a deep and personal way. Yet shortly after that, I met a wonderful young man who swept me off of my feet the last semester of my senior year of high school. This began a dating relationship that lasted two years.

My sophomore year of college I transferred from Franciscan University of Steubenville to Florida State University in order to be closer to my twin sister and to the young man I was dating. I was terribly homesick at Franciscan University as much as I loved it! At that time Florida State University was the #1 party school in the United States (and we were the National Champions in football! Go Noles!). That first year, I followed in the footsteps of my twin sister, joining a sorority and testing the waters of “secular” university life. It was very empty. It was also at Florida State University that I came in contact with the Brotherhood of Hope, a new group of religious brothers who focus on evangelization, especially on college campuses.

During the spring semester of my sophomore year they asked me to give a talk at the Catholic Student Union’s semester retreat. My boyfriend of two years was also attending. After giving the talk, two or three of the Brothers came up to me separately and asked me if I ever considered a vocation to religious life. My first reaction was complete and utter nausea, as if someone hit me hard in the stomach. I look back now and realize that this reaction came from the many misconceptions of religious life that I was unconsciously harboring. Yet along with the nausea there was a little spark that was ignited in my heart … the slow creaking open of a door that had been slammed shut for many years. It was the witness of the Brothers of Hope that enabled this spark to ignite and the door to slightly crack open. The Brothers were so filled with joy and were the most authentic people I had ever met. I was moved by their authentic joy that sprang from their intimate relationship with the Lord. They were so happy without a human spouse and children and this was a powerful witness to me.

It was on this retreat that I experienced a new renewal in my own faith and felt a call to deepen my relationship with the Lord. I had a powerful confession experience and knew in my heart I was supposed to break up with the guy I was dating. This was very difficult and one of the hardest things I had ever done. But I felt supported by the Lord’s grace and He sustained me. After breaking up with him I began to focus on my relationship with the Lord and getting things in order in my own life. I felt called to not date for a time.

My junior and senior years of college were a sacred time of discernment, encountering the Lord in a new way as well as encountering myself, discovering my identity in the Lord. He was secretly wooing my heart as I became more and more aware of how He alone could be enough for me. I became very active in the Catholic Student Union on campus and began seeing one of the Brothers for spiritual direction. I began to attend daily Mass and pray every day. My thirst for the Lord was ever deepening and I knew that my life could not be separated from my Mother, the Church, no matter what my vocation. I wanted to live within her Heart. I would be walking across the Florida State campus and this burning desire would come upon me to be with our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. I would at times skip class to be with Jesus (I am not recommending this!). The idea of a religious vocation was persistent yet not always consistent. I was torn between the beautiful sacrament of marriage and being His alone. It was definitely a challenge!

The last semester of my senior year I attended a retreat. It was only a few months before graduation. At that time, I was discerning between getting my Masters in Theology at Franciscan University or following the path of a religious vocation. We had Eucharistic Adoration throughout the whole retreat. I was very frustrated at this point and tired of “not knowing” my vocation. I was tired of the doubts and struggles that discernment entails. I remember sitting before our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament and telling Him, “I am going to go to graduate school at Franciscan University.” I conjured up everything in me to try to bring myself peace in this decision, but it did not work. I could not get Him to agree with me! The next day during the closing Mass when I was kneeling after receiving Communion, the Lord gave me a very clear image. I saw in my mind’s eye a crucifix and I was laying prostrate before it (at that time I did not know that this is what a religious does during the rite of perpetual profession). Then I heard the words clearly in my heart: “My daughter, I am your King, and I claim you as My own.” Moved to tears by this image and these words, I cried freely. I was sensing the Lord asking me to set my whole heart, life, will and desires aside for Himself alone. It was overwhelming—so overwhelming that after a few hours I completely denied it. I said to the Lord, “We are all your own through Baptism. Thanks for confirming that!”

The day after the retreat I was talking to my parents on the phone. We were talking about pretty basic things such as school, football, my car, etc. In the midst of this conversation I was overcome with a sense of being overshadowed by the Holy Spirit and without really realizing what I was saying I opened my mouth and said, “Mom and Dad, I am being called to religious life.” I was completely shocked by what I said and wanted to kick myself. I could not believe those words came out of my mouth! At the same time I was overcome by a deep peace and joy. I again cried my eyes out. I surrendered to what the Lord wanted for me and came to realize it was the deepest desire of my heart.

A week after talking to my parents I received a letter from my father. He had a lot of hesitations about me following this call at this time. He wanted me to pursue further studies with scholarship money or get some experience in the world by using my education. This was difficult for me because I did not feel called to do this, and I had never embarked upon anything significant without his approval. I met with my spiritual director and he clearly said to me, “This is what Jesus meant when He said in the Gospel, leave your father and mother…and come follow me.” I had to choose to follow where my Heavenly Father was leading me. After meeting with him I went into the chapel and opened my breviary to pray Evening Prayer. My eyes immediately fell upon the words of Psalm 45: “Listen O daughter, give ear to my words, forget your own people and your father’s house, so shall the king desire your beauty.” It was a powerful confirmation.

After graduating, I took a part-time job with a law firm as a runner and worked in campus ministry at Florida State for one year. My father ended up going on a men’s retreat that the Brotherhood of Hope put on shortly after I received the letter. At the end of the retreat he stood up and told the men there that after meeting and talking with the Brothers and spending time in prayer, he could not imagine anything better for me than to be a religious. Another confirmation! I visited three different communities and this was where I found my home. My heart expanded when I visited here and I was flooded with joy. I entered in 1998 and made my final vows in 2006.

Religious life is not a fairy tale … being Christian is not either. Yet, my vocation points to the fulfillment of the greatest romance that has ever happened in the history of the world; the romance between God and man. This reaches its ultimate fulfillment only in Heaven. By living the vows, I am living the life we shall all be living in Heaven. I have put my foot on the threshold of that eternal reality where, God willing, we shall all live happily ever after.

I was once a young mom attempting to attend daily Mass with my three little ones (ages three years, two years and one year). One morning, an older woman approached me and inquired as to whether or not I fed the children prior to Mass. I assured her they were well fed and she scrunched up her nose and shrieked, “Reeaally? ‘Cause they’re so loud and whiny, I was sure that they must be hungry or something. Maybe it would be better if you left them at home.”

I was a little tenacious back then. Okay, I am still tenacious; I am working on it. I told her that Jesus said, “Let the little children come to Me …” so I was sure they were welcome at every Mass. I reassured her that if they were too loud at any point I was fairly adept at heading to the foyer until they calmed. I also told her that Father had assured me it was a blessing to have our children present and that he felt it benefited both parishioner and child alike. “Well, priests don’t have children, so what do they know?” she quipped. “Perhaps it would be an act of kindness to myself and the other daily Mass attendees if you saved us from the constant distraction caused by your children.” I bit my lip and tried to mentally calm myself. It did not work. “Or perhaps it would be a good opportunity for you to learn how to remain focused on the Mass in spite of minor distractions,” I countered. She huffed and scurried on her way.

The Sunday following the encounter, I saw this woman approach another young mother who was holding a baby that looked to be about 18 months old. The spectrum of emotions on the mother’s face broke my heart. First there was friendly surprise at being approached by someone new, then confusion, which was quickly followed by shame and a trembling hand rising to wipe her eyes as she walked away.

I ran up to this young mother. “Thank you for bringing your little guy here. I know how hard it is and you’re doing an amazing job. Please don’t be discouraged and know you both belong here.” I probably freaked her out a little, but she smiled slightly and then hurried off with her head bent low.

The next Sunday, I was on guard. I scanned the church and observed the contorted, crustaceous, disapproving eyebrows attached to the “work in progress.” She was sharing a pew with a young couple and their two children who were age-appropriately bubbling with energy. My little ones were under the weather, so I was uncharacteristically child free. I genuflected beside their pew and offered to let them sit on the end, planting myself between them and the self-appointed parent punisher (who did not seem to recognize me without my babes in tow) and then the fun began.

Every time I heard an excited squeal from the children beside me, it was followed by an enraged, “Hmph!” on my other side. In my peripheral, I could see this woman attempting to make eye contact with the young couple. She leaned forward, so I leaned forward, pretending to adjust my dress, fully blocking her. She stretched her scowling face above me and I quickly straightened. She lurched her head forward again, desperate to convey her disapproval. I hunched over my purse, pretending to dig through it, once again deflecting the stink eye targeted at the couple. Finally, she seemed to give up. The children were serenely sitting in their parents’ arms and she seemed to realize her moment had passed.

After Mass, I was warmed by an incredible elderly couple I overheard praising the parents for bringing their children. They assured them that children’s voices were one of the most beautiful and welcome sounds at Mass. It was so good to see how fellow parishioners were ready to stand up for young families and counter the condescension.

Young parents desperately need support and affirmation when it comes to attending Mass. I have encountered so many parents who feel like they are failing every Sunday, and many who will even refuse to return until their children are practically tweens. It is an enormous offering for them, but one that imparts even greater blessings and graces for their family—graces they will need to raise faith-filled children.

One of my missions—and I hope the mission of every person who attends Mass, be it single, married, religious or widowed—is to support parents with little ones. As their babies are loud, pint-sized parishioners who let out energetic shrieks, let their nervous glances around the church be met with an understanding smile or a subtle hand signal of solidarity. Perhaps if you are able, offer to lend a hand when you see exasperation plastered on the parents’ faces, fetch the wayward sippy cups or the keys and songbooks that have just been thrown onto your pew for the 11th time and smile with genuine warmth as you return them. Following Mass, if the opportunity allows offer words of encouragement and gratitude. Even a simple, “You have a beautiful family” can go a long way. What they are doing is a gift to the whole church community.

A few months after my run-in with the “less-than-charitable” woman, I overheard her mentioning that none of her grown children attends Mass anymore. I had recently been through a cancer ordeal with my two-year-old and felt compelled to share how I believed we had been sustained by the graces accumulated with each Mass we had attended together. I wrote a letter and discretely left it on the pew beside her. I shared about my son and I pleaded with her to be gentle and understanding toward other parents, because perhaps there is a reason God has called them to make an effort to more frequently attend Mass. I assured her of prayers that her children would one day return to the church and asked that she in turn pray for me and other parents who are striving to impart the gift of faith to the smallest members of our parish.

Not long ago a priest shared some guidance with my wife and me that has been the cause of a great deal of conversation and reflection in our home. In response to learning that we pray every day about our oldest son’s future and that he be healed of his autism, the priest encouraged us to pray first for acceptance.

Let me explain. He said there was nothing wrong with asking God to heal our son. But, we first needed to ask for the ability to fully accept the beautiful gift of our child exactly as God created him. By asking for healing first, we were in essence asking God to improve on His creation without first understanding the lessons and blessings His gift has provided our family. We have always viewed our oldest son as a blessing and know we could not possibly love him more than we do now. But, we may have mistaken love for acceptance as we continued to pray over the years for God to remake him into our vision of a well-formed and perfect child. We have somewhat selfishly asked God to redo His handiwork when we should be accepting of God’s plan for his life and trusting that the Father who loves us wants only what is best for him. “If you follow the will of God, you know that in spite of all the terrible things that happen to you, you will never lose a final refuge. You know that the foundation of the world is love, so that even when no human being can or will help you, you may go on, trusting in the One that loves you” (Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI).

Acknowledging this has been both humbling and illuminating as I think about how to apply “acceptance” into other areas of my life. This period of reflection has made me realize how often, without thinking, I ask God for His help in improving situations and solving problems. Instead of praying for acceptance and discernment about what lessons God wants to teach me or the blessings hidden in these challenges I have been seeking to reshape the issues into something more pleasing to me instead of pleasing to Him. Do you ever fall into the “acceptance trap” as well?

Do we see the good that may come from being unemployed?

Do we accept the blessings of an “unplanned” pregnancy?

Do we see opportunities for spiritual growth in our emotional struggles and financial setbacks?

Does illness (ours or others) offer opportunities to turn suffering into a blessing?

“I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth compared with the glory to be revealed for us” (Romans 8:18). It is often difficult to see the blessings and good in any kind of suffering, yet we know from Church teaching there is redemptive power in suffering if we learn to give it up to God. Practicing “acceptance” may require a radical recalibration of our mindsets as well as complete trust and faith in God’s plan for our lives. We must be faithful, humble, patient, obedient and prayerful if we are to learn the lessons and blessings God has in store for us in our daily trials. We must also seek to glorify Him and not ourselves through the way we deal with challenges and always express our gratitude for the good and bad that comes our way. “We always find that those who walked closest to Christ were those who had to bear the greatest trials” (Saint Teresa of Avila).

I can look back now and see the tremendous positive influence our oldest son has had on our family. His diagnosis with autism more than sixteen years ago and the challenges this presented began the long and often difficult process of lowering the wall around my closed-off heart. In the summer of 2005 we moved into the area in which we now live to be closer to his school and therapists. This move began a chain of events that eventually led to our family joining the Catholic Church later that year. The opening of my heart which began at his diagnosis allowed me to experience a profound conversion experience in September of 2005 when I finally surrendered to Christ and put aside the pride and stubbornness which had dominated my life for so long. Without a doubt, our gifted child and his presence in our lives was a significant catalyst behind our joining the Catholic Church and the strong faith our family has today.

Maybe this was God’s plan all along for our son. I am just grateful that I can see it now and accept him, not only as one of my wonderful children whom I love, but also as a child of God who was given to us for His divine purpose.

Perhaps we can all practice acceptance of God’s will and pray that we will see the challenges in our lives as blessings, not burdens.

“Heavenly Father, I humbly ask that you grant me the gift of acceptance today. Please help me to understand the lessons and blessings hidden within the challenges my family and I will face and know that I am grateful to you for our lives and the incredible gift and sacrifice of your son Jesus Christ. Amen.”

Not long before Jesus ascended into Heaven, He told the disciples to wait in the city because He was going to send the Holy Spirit just as His father promised and that they would receive power from Heaven (Luke 24:49).

In the Book of Acts, what Jesus said is expanded. “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you, and you will be My witnesses in Jerusalem, throughout Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth” (Acts 1:8). The power that is spoken about here is one of boldness, courage, confidence and authority. The eleven disciples who grew to 120 would need all that and more in order to transform the world!

So they waited for ten days in the upper room, praying and trusting Jesus at His word. I often wonder if they got discouraged. I mean, how long do you wait before you lose patience or give up? They encouraged one another and kept praying.

Then suddenly it happened! Scripture says there was a sound from Heaven like a windstorm and it filled the house where they were meeting and what looked like tongues of fire appeared on each of them. Everyone present was filled with the Holy Spirit. Everyone. As I read these passages again I realized that the Holy Spirit came to all who asked. No one was left empty.

I remember my first experience being filled with the Holy Spirit. I was filled with joy and enthusiasm and I wanted to tell everyone about Jesus, but, quite honestly, sometimes those feelings simmer down in my life. The weight of the outside world creeps into me and I feel like the Holy Spirit is pushed down with all that weight.

Earlier this year I went away to a retreat and prayed to again be filled with the Holy Spirit. As I was waking up the next morning, words came out of my mouth without me even thinking. I said, “Holy Spirit, what are we going to do today?” After that I started saying it—and really meaning it—every day. The Lord takes that prayer seriously! This has opened up so many more opportunities to share Christ with others. I will share one special story with you.

Not long before Easter, I went shopping for flowers to plant in front of my house. I looked around the store for a liner I needed, but could not find it. As I was checking out, the cashier asked me if I found everything I needed. I told her I had not and explained what I needed. As I was explaining, the store manager walked by and told us the liners had not been delivered to the store yet. I left and started putting my purchases in my car. Within minutes, both the manager and cashier walked outside and called out to me. They found what I was looking for in a box in the back!

As I was walking back to the store, I said, “Lord, thank you for loving me so much. You blessed me with big things this week and you even care about the little things like flowers for the planter in the front of my house.”

I felt in my heart that the Lord was asking me to go back in the store and share His blessing with the store manager and cashier. I said, “I don’t know if you believe in God, but I do and He has been blessing me all week. I believe He wants to bless you, as well. Do either of you need prayer?” They both said yes, and then the young female cashier started crying. Her 10-month-old daughter was having a surgery the next morning and she was worried. I pulled her aside. I told her about Jesus and how much He loves her and her daughter. After I shared, we prayed together. It was that simple.

When I evangelize, it is not by my own strength or courage. It is all through the power of the Holy Spirit! Ask the Lord to guide your steps and be open to how the Holy Spirit can use you to bless others today.

If you want to evangelize, ask the Holy Spirit to help you and expect Him to use you!

I married my high school Sweetheart, Susan, thirty-two years ago. Being the youngest of four boys, I never imagined in my wildest dreams that God would give me five daughters to raise. I was in for the ride of my life. They are all grown and living on their own now. How blessed I have been to be responsible for leading my “six pack” of women to the heart of Christ. How humbled I have been made to think that God placed six eternal souls in my direct care. It is an awesome responsibility worthy of our greatest efforts.

Lesson: We Must Give Image to the Heavenly Father:

Having come to know Christ in high school, I recognized that my role as an earthly father is to give image to our heavenly father. I know this is a daunting task. All men can honestly say that they fall greatly short from that mark. Yet, that should not stop us from trying to love our kids as God loves us. One simple example I can offer you is to help develop within your kids a longing for their Father’s love. I always used the “Mary Poppins” technique in parenting: “A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down.”

The sugar is the love we pour out on our kids and the medicine is the correction we give when needed (which is still actually love but they cannot see that yet). As fathers we must recognize that our role is to get our kids to God—through our hearts! This means that our actions must speak love all the time because God is love.

If our kids have hit their teen years and are in outright rebellion, one possible really good reason is because there has been little sugar received in the past. Of course it is never that simple but people live from their hearts and they use their minds to navigate through the painful waters of life.

When an earthly father reveals his own heart to his kids, they grow in confidence and security because their Father’s love gives it to them. They are much more capable of standing up to the challenges of life because they have come to know that their Father not only loves them but BELIEVES in them.

As men with our own wounds and fears, the idea of opening our hearts (let alone giving them) to our kids is a horrifying thought. However, if our love is going to be real, then we must rise up in the true strength of our manhood and die to those fears and give away our hearts.

From my own personal experience, I can guarantee you two things:

1. You will be hurt—to live authentic love in a fallen world is to experience pain!

2.You will not regret it! To watch your kids bloom in the light of your love is worth the pain.

The truth is that our kids will grow up and live the model of love you and your wife exemplify. You will either work for God and train your kids for selfless love or you will work for satan and train your kids to selfishly close their hearts and learn how to manipulate to get emotional band-aids. They will live in constant fear of emotional pain and never be free to open their hearts to God.

Therefore, we must go to the Holy Spirit and ask Him for the help we need to heal from our past so that we can open our hearts and give them to our loved ones. Only those who live in authentic faith will believe enough in God to entrust Him with this task. The rest of us will simply keep God at arm’s length and keep playing church!

If you want to live richly in God, you must take the leap of faith at the core of your being! Go for it! You and your family are worth it!

A Good Action You Can Take Today:

The love of God is not an emotion nor is it a good intention; it is a decision to selflessly act. While our world is pumping sex and self-gratification as the primary conduit and result of love, we must put off that worldly formation and put on Christ. Saint Paul said in Romans 12:2, “Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect (NABRE).”

We must first go to the Holy Spirit and ask Him to reveal to us the portions of our worldly formation that must be transformed to Christ and His love. Only by the grace of God will you be able to give image to our Heavenly Father, so let Him do it in you first.

Time:

Make sure you are making time for God by setting up a daily prayer time. You should give Him at least twenty minutes to start and then as the need arises, let it increase. Make time with your kids to be present to them. Each day you want to check in with them. Like you must do with God, make it a focused time when THEY have YOUR undivided attention.

Dialogue:

The moment we stop and focus on God, we recognize that He is already present, ready to listen to our every word in prayer.

The first greatest gift you can give your kids is to listen to them (do not just try to fix a problem). Listen to their hearts, not just their words. Ask the Spirit to make you attentive to their needs that have not been spoken.

Gentle Direction:

For those who are willing to wait for God, He will provide us with gentle, patient direction. The Holy Spirit has been given to us for this very purpose—to guide us and encourage us along the journey. God does not expect perfection, He just wants to help us along the way. With our families there is a time and place for everything. As fathers, we often fail because we do not stop what we are doing to attend to the needs of our kids. This communicates volumes more than any words you can say. The other polarity is just as damaging. We need not stop every time when our kids ask for help. Instead, we should teach them to learn to wait upon God by denying their request but giving them a time to expect our help. Then STICK to your promise!

Constant Love:

God’s love for us is constant and never ending. He will not love us any more or less based on our behavior. Every moment of every day God is thinking about us and loving us.

If only we could love unconditionally. However, the truth is we cannot. The times when we fall short, me must go to our kids (and wives) and ask them to forgive us. This great act of humility is a greater act of love. Our kids will be hurt when we fail, but will learn something even greater when we confess our failure and ask for forgiveness. They will learn that love covers a multitude of sin. When we fail to love perfectly, it is then that we can focus their attention on the ONLY ONE that does. These are precious catechetical moments when we teach them to long for their Heavenly Father as the fulfillment of their heart’s true desires.

My brothers, be the father that never stops loving BECAUSE OUR HEAVENLY FATHER NEVER DOES!

Every driver knows that one of the worst places you can find yourself in—is the “blind spot” of another driver. That is the little space in the line of sight between the coverage of the rear view or side mirror and the actual car next to us.

I think we have all had the experience of checking our mirrors and then changing lanes, only to hear the mad blast of a horn as a car that was previously unseen to us speeds past. While our heart races over the near collision, we practically break our necks double checking the next twelve lane changes.

And then sometimes the collision does happen. We could have sworn there was no car next to us but the accident happens and the problems and trauma ensue.

One of my friends noted that this is true in our personal lives as well. How many times have we “run into or over” others simply because we did not “see them.” It is the boss who regularly becomes angry and screams at his employees because “that’s just how he is.” It is the meddling mother-in-law who cannot get through a conversation without saying something cutting or judgmental, when “trying to be helpful.” It is the spouse who is more concerned about him or herself than the marriage or family. Often no one wants to confront these issues and so the problem continues. Self-awareness is minimal and the pain it inflicts on others pours forth.

Most of the time, our ‘blind spots’ come not from an area of malice, but simply from a lack of self-awareness. We do not know ourselves or our story well enough to understand what it might be like to interact with ourselves on a daily basis. I am often personally convicted when I complain about others because people have to live with me as well! They have to work, interact and relate to me—broken, fragile person just the same.

But there is also another aspect to ‘blind spots’—we often do not see ourselves as we truly are in our deep lovingness to God. As Saint Paul writes in the context of speaking about authentic love, “For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known” (1 Corinthians 13:12). We all long to see face-to-face. Our deepest desires involve loving and being loved, knowing and being known. This is an ache for eternity. When we see God face to face, we will finally see, know and love in fullness.

Until then, we undergo this process of revelation, of knowing only parts and pieces as we move towards the whole. It is beautiful and sorrowful, wounding and life-giving. It is the path of true love—to behold ourselves and others as unique, precious and unrepeatable creations of God Himself.

We could ask the Holy Spirit to reveal our ‘blind spots’—that He reveals the areas where we “run over” and miss people because we just do not see them.

Let us ask the Holy Spirit to speak to our true identity, our true lovingness, and live in that reality rather than relating to ourselves and others from our masks, our wounded and skewed vision.

We often do not know what we do not know. Let us ask to see clearly, all the way around.

What could a shepherd possibly provide me that would leave me lacking of nothing? Though familiar with this famous Psalm, it was not until recently that I started to recognize it as a lesson in trust, which is something I seriously struggle to possess within my faith. Psalm 23 builds an understanding of the trustworthiness of Christ, especially when you consider the role of a shepherd in relation to his sheep.

Curious to know how this relationship looked, I searched in Google the “role and responsibilities of a shepherd” with regard to the care of his sheep. This gave me a great insight into that special bond between the two and enlightened me as to why Jesus uses this image in His teaching to help us see His role in our own lives. In calling Himself the “Good Shepherd,” the people first witnessing Him preach would understand the shepherd as protector, comforter and provider.

THE LOWLY SHEPHERD

Jesus, however, was not the first to use the bond between shepherd and sheep to teach; this image can be seen throughout the Old Testament as well. Though clearly this reference is a foretelling of the Messiah, who is Christ the Lord, the Old Testament provides many examples of those who made a living (at least at some point during their lives) in shepherding, such as Moses, Jacob, Abraham, King David and the prophet Amos.

Isaiah uses the shepherd imagery in his poetry as well: Like a shepherd he feeds his flock; in his arms he gathers the lambs, carrying them in his bosom, leading the ewes with care (Isaiah 40:11).

The shepherd was not typically seen as the most illustrious career path. This was a lowly position but incredibly crucial to the livelihood and lives of the people in the Old Testament as well as in the time of Jesus. As I read Isaiah’s description of the shepherd, my heart is moved by the tender, loving care evident toward the sheep. I am sure they were gruff shepherds working the pastures, but more often these men were clearly of great compassion. They certainly possessed a strong sense of protection for their charges. The more you know about being a good shepherd the more your heart will be filled with gratitude for Jesus the Good Shepherd.

WHAT A SHEPHERD DOES

Here are a few of the responsibilities of a shepherd and how they juxtaposition Jesus’ loving and tender care for us:

First, the shepherd is responsible for the flock’s welfare and safety. According to my research, sheep are not as dumb as they are often portrayed. They can, however, still get themselves into a lot of trouble. Do you see the comparison to people already emerging? Well-meaning sheep, who just want to graze upon the green pasture, have been known to myopically follow the grass, away from the flock and into harm’s way. Sheep can become lost, putting them in grave danger from predators or even stumble off a cliff while fixated on eating the grass before them.

How often have I become short-sighted in my own life? Losing my way or unaware of the danger and continuing on the path only to get hurt. My free will can be a real hindrance to my well-being some days. There are paths that look fulfilling but if I head down them apart from Jesus I am apt to find more harm than good. When I look back at Psalm 23, I see the benefit of staying near and following Christ: He guides me along the right path for the sake of his name (Psalm 23:3). In order for me to submit to the leadings of the shepherd, I have got to feel he has my best interests in mind. I have to trust him. This quote from the commentary on Psalm 23 from “The Didache Bible” encouraged this surrender as it again points out the closeness of shepherd and sheep. “This Psalm portrays God as one who knew the psalmist intimately and was with him on every step of his journey, in every moment of his life” [Cole, Jeffrey, Editor. “The Didache Bible: Ignatius Bible Edition”(RSVCE). Ignatius Press, 2014. Page 628].

AVOIDING SNARES

Second, the shepherd protects the sheep from predators. His ultimate concern is flock perseverance. Wolves, coyotes, foxes and mountain lions are all natural predators to sheep. The predators either seek the sheep out of hunger or stumble upon those that have lost their way. Saint Peter warns us that sheep are not the only ones with a natural predator and in need of protection: “Be sober and vigilant. Your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for [someone] to devour” (1 Peter 5:8).

There was a time when I was ignorant to the “snares of the devil” (2 Timothy 2:26) to the point of even denying his existence, which is his greatest snare. Unaware of this danger, I was the most vulnerable. Gratefully like the sheep, Jesus pursued me. In Luke’s Gospel Jesus gives us another reason He pursues us when we are lost: “What man among you having a hundred sheep and losing one of them would not leave the 99 in the desert and go after the lost one until he finds it? And when he does find it, he sets it on his shoulders with great joy and, upon his arrival home, he calls together his friends and neighbors and says to them, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you, in just the same way there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over 99 righteous people who have no need of repentance” (Luke 15:4-7). Protecting us from the predator absolutely means preserving us for heaven. He values every single soul and rejoices for each one preserved for eternal glory.

CONSTANT CARE AND ATTENTION

Third, the shepherd is often trained to assist the sheep with health issues. Just like sheep, we are susceptible to diseases. Humans, being multifaceted beings, face more than just physical ailments. We must contend with our emotional and spiritual well-being as well. Jesus the divine physician is more than adequately equipped to tend to those needs.

In addition, like the shepherd who “will make frequent checks on the ewes at all hours of the day and night, and may assist the ewe if birthing problems occur,” Jesus is ever present with us. How comforting knowing that Jesus is constantly checking in on us throughout the day and through the night. His grace is abundantly available to assist us when we birth problems in our lives.

MY SHEEP KNOW MY VOICE

The last characteristic of the shepherd I wish to expound upon is the unique call each shepherd has to summon his flock. Each shepherd trained his sheep to recognize only his voice, so regardless of the number of shepherds sharing the pasture, they would have known to whom they belong and whom to follow. Knowing this, Jesus words from John’s Gospel, “I am the good shepherd, and I know mine and mine know me, just as the Father knows Me and I know the Father; and I will lay down My life for the sheep” (John 10:14-15) take on an even richer meaning.

To train our ears to hear only the Good Shepherd’s call we must spend time listening to him. Reading Scripture, the Word of God, is perhaps one of the most obvious places to learn His voice. In the Bible, we encounter the guidance of the Holy Spirit as Jesus’ very words and works are shared with us. In addition, we can hone our hearing through time in prayer and regular participation in the Sacraments.

WHAT SHEEP TEACH US ABOUT TRUST

So what does this all have to do with trust? A shepherd would lay down his life for his sheep. Jesus has done that for us as a great sign of His tender care. Unlike the shepherd laying down his life to protect his livelihood, Jesus did it out of His immense love for each and every one of us. Psalm 23 reminds us that He will not only make straight our paths but along that journey will satiate our thirst, lay a banquet before us, anoint us and bring us to the joys of life everlasting. We have nothing to fear and that is why this is a lesson in trust.

“May the God of peace, who brought up from the dead the great shepherd of the sheep by the blood of the eternal covenant, Jesus our Lord, furnish You with all that is good, that You may do His will. May He carry out in You what is pleasing to Him through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever [and ever]. Amen” (Hebrews 13:20-21).

In 1 Corinthians 12:4-11, Saint Paul writes, “There are different kinds of spiritual gifts but the same Spirit; there are different forms of service but the same Lord; there are different workings but the same God who produces all of them in everyone. To each individual the manifestation of the Spirit is given for some benefit. To one is given through the Spirit the expression of wisdom; to another the expression of knowledge according to the same Spirit; to another faith by the same Spirit; to another, gifts of healing by the one Spirit; to another mighty deeds; to another prophecy; to another discernment of spirits; to another varieties of tongues; to another interpretation of tongues. But one and the same Spirit produces all of these, distributing them individually to each person as He wishes.”

Purpose of the Spiritual Gifts

These gifts—described by many as “Charisms or Charismatic gifts”—are given by the Holy Spirit to individuals for service or ministry to edify or build up, to encourage and to comfort the body of Christ (1 Corinthians 14:3-5). The word “gift” in Greek is “charismata,” meaning “favor freely given to whomever the Lord chooses.” It is not something that the recipient has earned or deserved. In the “Catechism of the Catholic Church,” 799, the Church asserts, “Whether extraordinary or simple and humble, charisms are graces of the Holy Spirit which directly or indirectly benefit the Church, ordered as they are to her building up, to the good of men and to the needs of the world.” The gifts of the Spirit manifest the presence and power of God in our midst. Jesus says in Acts 1:8, “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you, and you will be My witnesses in Jerusalem, throughout Judea and Samaria and to the ends of the earth.”

The Greek word for this kind of power is “dunamis,” meaning “dynamite.” God’s power is surely more potent than all powers in this world combined because God’s power is supernatural and unequalled in nature. When the Lord unleashes His power, it is always to accomplish His purpose and to establish His Kingdom. I believe that the Holy Spirit is looking for people whom He can count on to further God’s kingdom and to achieve His purposes for His honor and glory. The Documents of Vatican Council II under the Decree of the Apostolate of Lay People state, “From the reception of these charisms, even the most ordinary ones, there arises of each of the faithful the right and the duty of exercising them in the Church and in the world for the good of men and the development of the Church, of exercising them in the freedom of the Holy Spirit who ‘breathes where He wills’.”

In his homily at the closing Mass of the World Youth Day in Sydney, Australia, in July 2008, Pope Benedict XVI stated, “But what is this power of the Holy Spirit? It is the power of God’s life! It is the power of the same Spirit who hovered over the waters at the dawn of creation, and who, in the fullness of time, raised Jesus from the dead. It is a power which points us, and our world, toward the coming of the Kingdom of God.”

Prophetic Gift

Let me focus more specifically on the gift of prophecy. Saint Paul says “Pursue love, but strive eagerly for the spiritual gifts, above all that you may prophesy.” 1 Corinthians 14:1. In Acts 2:17-18, we read about Peter standing up with the 11 and reiterating what the prophet Joel had prophesied, “It will come to pass in the last days, God says, that I will pour out a portion of my Spirit upon all flesh. Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your young men shall see visions, your old men shall dream dreams. Indeed, upon my servants and my handmaids I will pour out a portion of my Spirit in those days, and they shall prophesy,” To prophesy means to speak or sing a message from God under the unction or direction of the Holy Spirit. Simply put, to prophesy is to be a spokesperson for God. However, not all who prophesy are prophets but all prophets must prophesy. Some, who are called into the prophetic office by the Lord, are continually using the gift of prophecy and other gifts of revelation such as the word of wisdom, word of knowledge and discernment of spirits in their lives and ministries.

Prophecy may forth-tell or foretell the truths from God. A prophecy that forth-tells means a message that does not necessarily pertain to the things in the future. An example of this is when Jesus, from the Cross, told the “good thief.” “Amen, amen, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise,” Luke 23:43. On the other hand, foretelling relates to the things or circumstances that will come to pass in the future. An illustration of this is found in Acts 11:28, “One of them named Agabus stood up and predicted by the Spirit that there would be a severe famine all over the world, and it happened under Cladius Caesar.”

I was once a recipient of this type of prophecy that foretells about the future. After my wife, Chita, and I experienced the baptism in the Holy Spirit back on November 11, 1984, we started to pray together. On December 8, 1984, while we were praying, my wife came up to me and started prophesying, “My son, do not be afraid. My name is Jesus and I’m talking to you through your wife. I’m going to use you to heal millions in My name. Believe my son that this will happen and be humble always. You will preach the gospel in My name. Many will come to ask for healing. Heal them in My name because healing is good news. You will travel far and wide. You may find this hard to believe, but remember, for Me nothing is impossible.”

Soon after, I asked her what had prompted her to say those words to me. She said, “I only repeated what I heard the Lord was saying in my ‘inner being’. To date, I have been to 39 countries, preaching and proclaiming the gospel and healing the sick in the name of Jesus, in spite of my many limitations. The Lord had opened the doors for me to start traveling and ministering internationally in the year 1991, exactly seven years after I received the prophecy about the works that the Lord wanted me to do for Him and for His Kingdom.

A prophecy may also come forth through someone who speaks in “tongues.” In 1 Corinthians 14:5, Saint Paul says, “Now, I should like all of you to speak in tongues, but even more to prophesy. One who prophesies is greater than one who speaks in tongues, unless he interprets, so that the church may be built up. When someone speaks in tongues in a prayer meeting, for instance, the gift of interpretation of tongues should also be operative to make the message in tongues understandable to the hearers. The person who is speaking in tongues may give the interpretation under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit or somebody else in the congregation may be prompted to do it. It should be noted that interpretation is not necessarily a translation of the message delivered through speaking in tongues.

How to Hear the Voice of God

The Lord wants to talk to us and He is always speaking to us! In the book of Genesis, we read these words many times, “Then God said.” In John 10:27, Jesus says, “My sheep hear My voice; I know them and they follow Me.” Jesus also says, “Amen, amen, I say to you, many prophets longed to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear, but did not hear it” (Matthew 13:17).

Our God wants to have fellowship with us. Jesus died on the cross for us not only to set us free from the bondage of sin and death, but also to bring us to a personal relationship and fellowship with Him. The Lord is more delighted to speak to us than we are to hear from Him. Most of the time, the Lord communicates with us through a still small voice from within our spirit. A person may perceive it as a sudden impression or a “sense” of something that God is saying or a passing thought. If we open ourselves, our hearts, our senses and our minds to God and be obedient to Him, we will surely hear His voice. The Lord can give us an impression or a vision or a thought. He can also communicate with us through dreams, through scriptures, through our circumstances, through other people and even through His audible voice, which is very rare indeed. He is sovereign and He has no limitations.

Not long ago, I had the opportunity to conduct a Parish Mission in Sarasota, Florida. While giving a talk on “Repentance and Forgiveness,” the Lord spoke into my heart that there was a person in the congregation who tried to commit suicide and that the Lord was setting him free from the feelings of guilt and self condemnation. When I received the words, there was a deep conviction in my heart that they came from the Lord. I announced what the Lord had said and a man named John came up to the altar, with tears in his eyes, to acknowledge everything that I said. I sensed that John tried to do it not only once but twice, and he admitted it when I asked him about it. That day, he received an emotional and spiritual healing and an assurance that the Lord, in His mercy and love, had not condemned but rather had forgiven him. Recently, John told me that his life had been changing rapidly for the better since then because he had grown closer to the Lord.

Discerning of Spirits

There are four sources of voices that we hear in the spiritual realm—namely, the Holy Spirit, the human spirit, the evil spirits and holy angels. In 1 John 4:1, the word of God says, “Beloved, do not trust every spirit but test the spirits to see whether they belong to God, because many false prophets have gone into the world.” In 1 Thessalonians 5:19-21, Saint Paul says, “Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophetic utterances. Test everything; retain what is good.” Both the “giver” of the prophecy and the “receiver” or the hearer should discern the words. A very careful and thorough discernment must be undertaken, especially in cases of directive prophecies, to make sure that they are from God and not from false prophets. To discern rightly and accurately we need the wisdom and assistance of the Holy Spirit who “guides us to all truths.”

Following are some of the practical guidelines in judging or discerning a prophecy:

◗ It must edify or build up and give comfort. If a prophecy is negative and condemnatory, it is a sure sign that it is not from God.

◗ It must bear good fruit. “Every tree that does not bear good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire. So by their fruits, you will know them” (Matthew 7:19-20).

◗ It must be scriptural. Jesus says, “My words, they are Spirit and they are life” (John 6:63).

◗ It must conform to the teachings of the magisterium of the Catholic Church. The magisterium is the teaching authority of the Church.

◗ It must produce peace. Saint Paul says, “God is not the author of confusion but of peace” (1 Corinthians 14:33).

◗ It must ultimately bring glory and honor to God. Saint Paul states, “So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31).

◗ It must strengthen the faith of both the “giver” of the prophecy and the “hearer or hearers.” “Faith comes from what is heard and what is heard comes through the words of Christ” (Romans 10:17).

Conclusion

The gift of prophecy, if properly used, has the power to change people’s lives. I believe that the Lord has chosen and appointed us, in spite of ourselves, to be His instruments. The world is waiting to experience the life-changing and life-giving power of the Holy Spirit. Are you willing to say “Yes” to the Lord and be His vessel to change the world around you?

My journey in faith began to come alive in about mid 2005. I would have considered myself “agnostic” at the time, but my search for truth led me to the Catholic Church. I was confirmed in 2007 and married my beautiful wife, Maria, in October of the same year. We have eight amazing children and my vocation as a husband and father teaches me something new every day. The most valuable lesson that I continue to learn is about love.

Lesson: Love is an Action Verb

The Sapir-Wharf Hypothesis states, among other things, that language affects a culture’s worldview and societal mores. That struck me as a profound statement. It is sad, then, that the English language uses the same word to describe both my affinity for college football and my attitude toward my wife—love. If our language truly shapes the way we view things—and if we rely solely on what we perceive from our culture—we will be incomplete husbands/fathers at best. When I Google the definition of love, I get the following:

love (lv) – noun: an intense feeling of deep affection. verb: to feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone).

Sadly, these definitions only refer to feelings. I do not want to diminish the importance of these feelings in the least. They are a gift from God and should be cherished. Instead, I want to focus on how Scripture talks about love.

The first passage that comes to mind is 1 Corinthians 13. Here, Saint Paul gives us a set of behaviors to help us understand what love should be like. Another example comes from John 3:16. “For God so loved the world that he gave His only Son …” Again, love is an action in John 14 when we are told that “Whoever loves Me will keep My commandments.” These are not small actions, either. These are life-changing and life-giving actions.

God calls Christians to a higher standard. Instead of only resting in the truth of our feelings about our family, we are meant to show love to our families through our action. This business of putting our feelings into action can be challenging for us men. The good news should be that, as Christian men, we welcome a challenge! Thanks be to God that we were not left to figure this out on our own. We can stand on the shoulders of the giants who have come before us. In my experience, the formula is actually quite simple. The execution, however, is anything but easy!

Before an army goes into war, there has to be a strategy. Make no mistake–we are at war! What is at stake is of immeasurable value. We are at war for the souls of our families. We have to know the objective and know what we are up against. We are battling forces that seek to pull our families apart. Love will win this war! So let us talk about a battle plan.

The Good Actions That You Can Take:

Daily Prayer and Meditation—

We have to put first things first. “You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the greatest and the first commandment.” To know God is to know love itself. Devoting time for daily prayer is a foundational way to put love of God into action. In order to discern the will of God amidst all the noise and distraction, we need to schedule our lives around daily prayer. For me, this means starting my day with prayer. With eight children, it is almost impossible to find quiet time for myself. I have only been able to find it early in the morning. When I went on my first silent retreat, I learned about Ignatian spirituality, which has changed my life. One of the exercises is a form of meditation that incorporates Scripture. It did not come easy to me at first but, with practice, it has become transformational. I like this routine because it also incorporates another essential element: Scripture.

Sacramental Life—

Instituted by Christ, the Sacraments invite us into the divine nature. Visit the Sacraments as often as possible because this is the source of love. Once our cup is full, it naturally overflows. For many of us, daily Mass is difficult. Fair enough. I promise that when you are able to make a daily Mass, there is something special that happens. It reminds me that the bare minimum is not good enough. The same concept applies to confession. I go A LOT! If I only went to confession when I had to (being conscious of mortal sin), I would find myself believing that those other sins do not matter as much. Well they do! If you do not know what to confess, might I suggest to start with lack of humility and then ask the priest for guidance. If you really want to show courage, incorporate another Sacrament and ask your wife! Now we are getting somewhere.

Network –

Associate with other men. There are giants among us! Find them and talk to them. Most are eager to share their experience, strength and hope. Join a men’s group. If your parish does not have a men’s group, start one. My life has been enriched more than I can express by the men in my parish. We do a Bible study on Tuesday mornings. There is also a men’s retreat every Spring that is a highlight of my year. These men demonstrate love, courage, strength, humility and service. They hold me accountable, they give me something to strive for and they make me a better man.

Die a Little –

Here is the hard part: every day is a little Lent. In Romans 8 and Galatians 5, Saint Paul talks about living according to flesh versus spirit. I have to work daily to die to myself for the sake of self discipline. This takes form when I deny myself something that I want. Maybe it is nothing more than an extra helping at supper or dessert, but when I die to self, I can better love my wife. Another way is to do something for my wife without her knowing. There is always something that needs cleaning or fixing around the house. Pay attention to your wife’s favorite lotion or shampoo. When it gets low, replace it without telling her. Do it before she asks. I do things for my kids as well. They all have chores and I will occasionally do a chore for them without them knowing. Usually when I do something for someone, I want them to know. There is that part of my ego that wants the appropriate praise and acknowledgement for my kindness. I need to go kill that part of my ego a little bit every day.

Now you might be asking, “What do these things have to do with love?” By my estimation, love was perfectly demonstrated by Christ crucified. These kinds of actions help me make my life an act of love and unite my life with the life of Christ. Any time I start to get delusional about what love looks like, I should take a hard look at a crucifix. That did not feel good. It hurt and it was not easy. I may not be called to that kind of demonstration, but I am called to profound and radical love. I am called to take up my cross and I cannot think of a sweeter cross than the one I carry as a husband and father. God knows I do not do it perfectly and you probably will not either. But there is good news. I finished the Book, and the war has already been won. We just need to show up and love.

My knees jabbed into my chest as my arms curled and tangled themselves around my forlorn body. My whole being was twisted and contorted. The space I was being shoved into was undoubtedly too small for me to fit inside. Still, the force would not stop shoving me, taunting me and driving me deeper into the tiny, dark box. The limited air supply was stale and suffocating. With every attempt to save myself, my body was crammed deeper into the incredibly restrictive space.

As I attempted to suck in untainted oxygen, I was overwhelmed with an influx of stale air, littered with my own panicked exhales. Fear coursed through my body in a frantic pace I could not control. Everything in me was crying out for help, yet I was forcibly being muffled. I was helpless. My body’s beckoning to escape manifested as exhaustion, fiery temps and intense perspiration.

I gained some small semblance of strength and reached high, grasping the side of the deep, dark box my body had become wedged inside. My strength quickly dissipated as my body slunk back down like a wet noodle because of the preceding struggle that had drained me of all my vigor and fight. Someone, something of extreme power and seeming authority, stood over me, pushing me back down with every last effort I made at breaking free, ensuring I would not find success in a breakaway. I collapsed again, falling deeper into the pit, the abyss that consumed and wrecked me. With each failed attempt at freedom, I felt more defeated and crushed.

Trapped and debilitated, my body conformed to the demands of this force which I could not terminate or diminish. I had been robbed of my voice as each frantic attempt to cry out for help went unheard. I found myself gasping for air, focusing only on survival now. My vision grew blurry and my thoughts were no longer coherent. What was happening? I had believed myself to be stronger than this. In fact, I had believed in my own strength so much that I could not reconcile this complete absence of power. How had I gotten here? What is this “thing” that could have this kind of control over me?

Deflated, rejected, crushed, paralyzed and powerless. What now? How would I escape? This pressure, this unwelcome force had consumed me. What now?

Fortunately, this description is not a direct reality for me. Although it is not a direct reality, it does, however, emulate the imagery often painted in my mind of how it must physically feel to be trapped and restricted—much like it feels to be spiritually trapped and restricted—by other people’s expectations and desires for me and my life.

The box has been created and unwanted expectations stuff me into it, stripping me of my own authenticity, of my own way, the story of my life. It is something I cannot understand. Why? Why would anyone choose to do this to anyone else, especially those they love? Yet, I know it is more often than not entirely unintentional. This driving and guiding of other people’s lives comes from a space of fear and a need to control. It is a near-sided point of view and a death-grip on the steering wheel due to fear of what could happen if they were to let go. WHAT THEN?!?!

Sure, your loved ones may stumble around in millions of directions, living a path you do not understand and may not even be able to relate to, but in the end it is still their path. My greatest desire is to live God’s will for my life, to follow His path and His path alone, but these feelings I write of are the images and flashes of emotions that I would catch a glimpse of every now and then prior to where I am now. You see, I used to allow all these expectations and other people’s desires to shape me, drive me, and guide me. It never felt right; it never felt whole. Do you know why it never felt right? No one else is capable of knowing your path. That is between you and God. Your path should be discerned and prayed about with your Father, your Creator. He should be the one with the steering wheel, and it is up to you to try and figure out which direction He is driving you.

Although other people’s intentions are usually good, those other people are still not God. Others may offer good, necessary and needed advice at times, but still those people ultimately are not God. A good friend, a good mentor, a good ally will always strive to point you to God because it is with God where your individual answers lie. It is with God where the box is shattered. It is with God where the force of other people’s expectations wither and die. When you are in deep communication with God, He will guide you, and the pressures and forces of the outside world will not be able to touch you or force you to be without Him.

I am sure that in my lifetime I have inadvertently shoved people into a box as well. We all do at some point or another and some of us are worse at it than others. I encourage you to take a step back, especially with those you love. Where are you pushing them, where are you shoving them and why are you shoving them?

The pivotal mediator is found in the act of trusting. Where there is force, where there is fear, there is a lack in trust. Let go and trust in God. Trust Him in every moment of every day. Trust Him with your loved ones, trust Him with your heart, trust Him with your future and trust Him right now. He is calling you to follow Him, to follow His most divine and unique plan, created only for you. It is not even possible for anyone else to know your calling and the infinite intricacies of your heart.

Do you not sometimes find it difficult to know even the urging of your own heart? How then would you ever be able to know the complete picture of another heart’s urgings? Do you want to be responsible for potentially leading another person astray from God’s most divine plan for his or her life? The way he or she chooses to live his or her life may not be comfortable for you, but no one else’s life is meant to be lived for your own satisfaction. When you get to the pearly gates how will you feel if and when you have to answer simple questions of how you influenced the life path of your loved ones?

Every moment, every interaction counts. It is all an opportunity for purification and sanctification. It is all an avenue to grow in humility and character. You WILL NOT be able to live flawlessly, it is not possible, but our desire to live good, holy lives should certainly be the aim, the goal, the ultimate purpose of life here on earth. Ironically, that desire to live a good, holy life will not shove you into the box that many think it does. Instead, it breaks you out of the box, and springs you forward, farther than you could ever imagine. Striving to live a good, holy life is where your greatest happiness lies.

So do yourself a favor and focus on your journey first. Choose love. Point people to God simply by the way you choose to live your own life and let God do the hard work. Let God steer the ship and control the transformations. If you trust in Him, you have nothing to worry about—for you or for your loved ones. Break out of the box and allow others to break out of theirs as well.