Engage

What seems to be insignificant in our daily lives can hold immense value from Heaven’s perspective. Hard to believe? Read on to find out more…

“Do Small Things with Great Love” —my T-shirt features this well-known quote from Mother Teresa. Although I often wear the T-shirt at home, I had never considered its message deeply. Who really wants to do small things or even regard them as important? To be honest, most of us dream of doing something big, something extraordinary and remarkable which will bring us applause, admiration, recognition, self-satisfaction, and a sense of greatness.

The world tells us to go big or go home. We are only admired and considered great when we are successful in every area of life. So, somehow, we have subscribed to this notion—Big things = Greatness.

True Greatness

For most of my life, I’d believed the same thing. Perhaps this was why I was never quite content. I begged God to change my circumstances. I cried millions of tears for being given children with special needs. I wanted a different life. Being there for my children’s needs felt like being trapped between four walls at home.

I looked for meaning and purpose outside of God’s plans. Instead of paying close attention to what He wanted me to do, I pursued my own wishes. I refused to do “small things” in order to do big things merely for recognition. I preferred doing different things, and works which I thought would bring value to my life along with a sense of greatness and fulfillment.

I had it all wrong. Instead of being content in the realm where God had placed me, I was creating my own kingdom for my own happiness and glory. It took years for me to understand that greatness doesn’t come from doing my own will, proving my own worth to the world, gaining accolades or even showcasing my talents and skills. Rather it comes from remaining at the center of God’s will. Greatness comes from influencing, impacting, and serving in my own home, among my own community. Sometimes this realm may seem small and insignificant, but serving with love as He did will ultimately reveal the greater picture of His plans.

As Tony Evans says in his book, Destiny, “When you are living your life according to God’s purpose, He will cause all things in your life to blend together for good. When you are committed to Him above all else, He will measure everything in your life—the good, bad, and bitter and blend them into something divine.”

In essence, everything in your life, even the smallest, can yield a significant outcome for His glory when you remain faithful to the little you have been entrusted with (remembering the Parable of the Talents Matthew 25).

The Master’s Example

Jesus redefines greatness by showing us a way which is contrary to the world. Small things = Greatness. Jesus said to His disciples, “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave” (Matthew 20:26 – 27).

He reiterated that over and over again, and demonstrated it on the night before He died when He knelt before His apostles and washed their feet.

We often regard “service” as insignificant and beneath us, but Jesus shows us, in every word and action, what tremendous significance the smallest things can have in building His Kingdom. In His parables, He compares those actions to a tiny mustard seed which grows into the greatest of trees, or a pinch of yeast which makes dough grow and become more palatable. He chose to be born in a common stable instead of a royal palace. He noticed and valued the greater worth of the widow’s two coins amidst the great wealth cast into the treasury from what others had to spare. He transformed the gift of a boy’s lunch into an all-you-can-eat feast for over five thousand. He invited little ones to come to Him even when He was tired. He compared Himself to a good shepherd who notices one sheep missing from the flock and seeks it out in the dark. He compared His death to a kernel of wheat which falls to the ground and dies, but ultimately brings forth a great harvest.

He proclaimed that the very least people are the most precious in the sight of God. Small things are considered great in His kingdom! He demonstrated this to us by becoming one of us. “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:28). To truly follow Him, I need to be prepared to put others’ needs ahead of my own, and to give myself in the service of others, treating each person I meet as I would like to be treated.

In his book, In Charge, Dr Myles Munroe writes, “Greatness in our materialistic world is defined as fame, popularity, scholastic or economic achievement and notoriety. Greatness may result from these qualities, but they are not the definition of greatness. Rather greatness comes from your service to the world. When you serve with your gifts, you become significant to humanity and people will describe you as ‘great’. In summary, greatness is significance. It comes from the value you add to others’ lives by serving them. Greatness isn’t about how many people are serving you, rather how many you are serving through your life.”

So What Makes You Great?

You are great when you are serving others. You are great when you are doing that less-appreciated job to fulfill the needs of your family. You are great when you are looking after a loved one who is unwell. You are great when you are making a difference in the lives of the underprivileged with your time and talents. You are great when you are encouraging a friend. You are great when you are letting your life make a dent in the universe with a positive force. You are great when you are cooking meals for your family. You are great when you are raising your kids. And you are great when you do small things with great love!

We know each of us has a guardian angel. But how often do we ask for his help?

The first time I realized my guardian angel was my best hope was when I was scheduled to teach three workshops at a Christian writing conference several hours away by car. I woke up with a horrible migraine and cried as I wondered how I would manage the drive. I did not want to be unprofessional and cancel at the last minute. I cried because there is an element of shame in being chronically ill—I suffer from migraine headaches that can debilitate me for nearly half the days in a month—and I did not want to admit how weak I was. So, I prayed to my angel to bring me safely there and back. I still don’t know how I made the long drive. I put on my Rosary CD, and then listened to the Gospel of John, thinking how beautiful it would be to have Jesus upon my heart if I were to die. Not that I wanted to die. My children were still young. My husband would miss me. And I was loving my writing life even more since we had converted to Catholicism. I wanted everybody to have what I had—Jesus!

And boom! The revelation hit me—my guardian angel isn’t here just to protect me from bodily harm but to make sure I get to Heaven. Heaven! That’s the goal. God loves us so much He appoints an angel from the moment of our conception to guard and protect us from all dangers, and to guide us to our eternal home. This awareness, which I’ve had since I was a small child, still astounds me. As a child, I had complete trust in God’s protection. But the problem of suffering, so present in my life, was difficult to reconcile with belief in an omnipotent God. So, at age twelve I lost my faith, and ended my invocations to my guardian angel. But, without my knowledge, my angel was still guiding me.

I am very thankful to my angel for protecting me from death during my twenties because had I died then, my intellect so clouded by sin, I might have rejected God’s mercy and gone to Hell. It is by the grace of God, and the patience and long-suffering of my guardian angel, that I’ve been able to hear His promptings and return to God, and when my plans derail, to pray “not my will but Thine”. I am also returning to that childhood state of complete trust and surrender. If I am anxious about anything, I ask my angel to take care of the situation. I call upon the guardian angels of my children when I’m at the brink of losing my patience. I also call upon the angels of the people to whom I want to be a faithful witness. What a comfort it is to draw upon heavenly assistance.

Guardian angels carry our prayers and offerings to the throne of God; they come to the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass with us, and if we are unable to attend, as it was for many during the pandemic, we can ask our angel to go in our place to praise and adore our blessed Lord. These heavenly creatures are a gift to us. Let us always remember they are watching over us and want us to reach Heaven! Cultivate a relationship with your angel. They are God’s gift to each of us.

Dear angel! Ever at my side. How loving must thou be

To leave thy home in Heaven to guard a guilty wretch like me.

~ Fr. Frederick William Faber (AD 1814-1863)

Question:

Why do Catholics make the Sign of the Cross? What is the symbolism behind it?

Answer:

As Catholics, we pray the Sign of the Cross multiple times each day. Why do we pray it, and what’s it all about?

First, consider how we make the Sign of the Cross. In the Western Church, we use an open hand—which is used in blessing (hence we say that we “bless ourselves”). In the East, they hold three fingers together, as a sign of the Trinity (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit), while the other two fingers are united as a sign of Christ’s Divinity and humanity.

The words we say confess the mystery of the Trinity. Notice that we say, “In the Name of the Father…” and not “In the Names of the Father”—God is one, so we say He only has one Name—and then we go on to name the Three Persons of the Trinity. Every time we begin a prayer, we recognize that the very core of our faith is that we believe in a God Who is One-in-Three: both unity and trinity.

As we say that confession of faith in the Trinity, we seal the sign of the Cross on ourselves. You are marking, publicly, who you are and Who you belong to! The Cross is our ransom, our “price-tag” if you will, so we remind ourselves that we have been purchased by the Cross. So when Satan comes to tempt us, we make the sign of the Cross to show him that we are already marked!

There is an amazing story in the book of Ezekiel, where an angel comes to Ezekiel and tells him that God is going to chastise all of Israel for its unfaithfulness—but there are still some good people left in Jerusalem, so the angel goes around and puts a mark on the foreheads of those who are still faithful to God. The mark he makes is the “Tau”—the last letter of the Hebrew alphabet, and it is drawn like a cross! God has mercy on those marked with the Tau, and strikes down those without it.

In the same way, those of us who are signed with the Cross will be preserved from the justice of God, and will receive His mercy instead. In ancient Egypt, God had the Israelites put the lamb’s blood over their doors at Passover so that they would be saved from the angel of death. Now, by signing the Cross over our bodies, we invoke the Blood of the Lamb upon us, so that we are saved from the power of death!

But where do we put that Sign of the Cross? We put it on our forehead, our heart, and our shoulders. Why? Because we are put here on this earth to know, love, and serve God, so we ask Christ to be the king of our minds, our hearts (our desires and loves), and our actions. Every aspect of our life is put under the Sign of the cross, that we may know, love, and serve Him.

The Sign of the Cross is an incredibly powerful prayer. Often it’s used as the preamble to a prayer, but it has immense power in its own right. During the persecutions of the early Church, some pagans tried to kill Saint John the Apostle because his preaching was turning many people away from pagan gods to embrace Christianity. The pagans invited John over for dinner, and poisoned his cup. But before he began the meal, John prayed grace and made the Sign of the Cross over his cup. Instantly a snake crawled out of the cup, and John was able to escape unharmed.

Listen to the words of Saint John Vianney: “The Sign of the Cross is the most terrible weapon against the devil. Thus, the Church wishes not only that we have it continually in front of our minds, to recall to us just what our souls are worth and what they cost Jesus Christ, but also that we should make it at every juncture ourselves: when we go to bed, when we awaken during the night, when we get up, when we begin any action, and, above all, when we are tempted.”

The Sign of the Cross is one of the most powerful prayers we have—it invokes the Trinity, seals us with the Blood of the Cross, puts to flight the Evil One, and reminds us who we are. Let us make that Sign carefully with devotion, and let us make it frequently throughout the day. It is the outward sign of who we are, and Who we belong to.

All of us have cried countless tears throughout our lives. But did you know that God has collected every one of them?

Why do we cry? We cry because we are sad or fed up. We cry because we are hurt and lonely. We cry because we have been betrayed or disillusioned. We cry because we have regret, we wonder why, how, where, what. We cry because… well, sometimes we don’t even know why we are crying! If you have ever cared for a baby, you know the stress of trying to figure out why the child is crying, especially after you have fed them, changed them, put them down for a nap! Sometimes they just want to be held. Similarly, sometimes we too want to be held in the embrace of God, but are conscious of our sinfulness that seems to distance us from Him.

From Eyes to God’s Heart

The Scriptures tell us even Jesus cried: “And Jesus wept” (John 11:35)—the shortest verse in the Gospel—opens a window into the heart of Jesus. In Luke 19:41-44 we learn that Jesus “shed tears over” Jerusalem because its inhabitants did not “know the time of (their) visitation.” In the Book of Revelation John “wept bitterly” because there was nobody fit to open the scroll and read it (Revelation 5:4). This awareness of the human condition can limit our ability to grasp the fulness of life which God continually offers each of us. Revelation 21:4 reminds us that “God will wipe away every tear”, yet Psalm 80:5 says that the Lord “has fed them with the bread of tears and made them to drink tears in large measure.” So, which is it? Does God want to dry our tears and console us, or does He want to make us cry?

Jesus cried because there is power in tears. There is solidarity in tears. Because He loves each person so much that He can’t bear the blindness that prevents us from accepting the opportunities God gives us to be close to Him, to be loved by Him, and to experience His great mercy. Jesus was overcome with compassion when he saw Martha and Mary suffering the loss of their brother Lazarus. But His tears also may have been a response to the deep wound of sin which causes death. Death has consumed God’s creation since the time of Adam and Eve. Yes, Jesus wept…for Lazarus and for his sisters. Yet during this painful experience Jesus performs one of His greatest miracles: “Come forth!” He says, and His good friend Lazarus walks out of the tomb. Love always has the final word.

Another beautiful Scripture which speaks of tears and offers an image I cherish is found in Psalm 56:9: “My wanderings you have noted; are my tears not stored in Your flask.” It is humbling and consoling to think that the Lord collects our tears. They are precious to the Father; they can be an offering to our merciful God.

Wordless Prayers

Tears can heal the heart and cleanse the soul and bring us closer to God. In her great masterpiece, The Dialogue, Saint Catherine of Siena devoted an entire chapter to the spiritual significance of tears. For her, tears express “an exquisite, profound sensitivity, a capacity for being moved and for tenderness.” In his book, Discerning Hearts, Dr. Anthony Lilles says that Saint Catherine “Presents those holy affections as the only proper response to the great love revealed in Christ crucified. These tears move us away from sin and into the very heart of God.” Recall the woman who anointed Jesus’s feet with the precious nard, washed them with her tears, and dried them with her hair. Her pain is real, but so is her experience of being infinitely loved.

Our tears remind us that we need God and others to walk with us along the pilgrim way. Life situations may cause us to cry, but sometimes those tears can water the seeds of our future happiness. Charles Dickens reminded us that “we should never be ashamed of our tears for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts.” At times, tears are the only bridge for us to reach God, to pass from death to life, from crucifixion to Resurrection. When Jesus encountered Mary Magdalene on that day of Resurrection, He asked, “Woman, why are you weeping?” But He soon transformed her tears into an explosion of Paschal joy as he mandated her to be the first messenger of the Resurrection.

As we continue our pilgrim journey, struggling at times to understand the folly of the Cross, may we weep for those things which make Jesus weep—war, sicknesses, poverty, injustice, terrorism, violence, hatred, anything which makes little of our brothers and sisters. We weep with them; we weep for them. And when tears rush over us at the most unexpected moments, may we rest in the peace of knowing that our God catches each one with gentleness and care. He knows every tear and He knows what caused it. He collects them and mixes them with the divine tears of His Son. One day, united with Christ, our tears will be tears of joy!

Each of us have weaknesses that we struggle with. But the Holy Spirit is our Helper!

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. (Romans 12:12)

Patience was not my strong point before I was renewed in my faith.

I am ashamed when I recall moments when I lost my temper, such as the time I blasted someone at the shop for being “racist” to my mom; the incident at work in the Philippines when I stormed into the general’s office demanding justice for the employees; the many occasions when I’ve stuck up the rude finger to someone who overtook me (maybe this is why the Lord did not allow me to continue driving!); and the many pathetic little episodes of intolerant, rude behaviour, or sullen sulkiness when I did not get my own way.

I was so impatient. If someone didn’t turn up on the dot at the time we had agreed to meet, I would leave immediately, justifying that they were not worthy of my time. When the Lord beckoned me, patience was one of the first fruits that I gained from the Holy Spirit. The Lord impressed upon me that I could not be a good servant if I did not have a compassionate, patient, and understanding heart.

Learning to Wait

Recently, my husband took me to Melbourne’s Eye and Ear Hospital for an emergency check. It brought back memories of the years when I travelled daily to the Central Business District (CBD), joining thousands of city workers who looked so unhappy but comforted themselves with the thought that they had the job of a lifetime. I even worked a lot of overtime, thinking I would get rich by doing so (I didn’t).

Working in the corporate sector, the only joy I got was running over to lunchtime Mass at St. Patrick’s or St. Francis’. If I was really bored, I would wander aimlessly down the Myer Mall, meaninglessly shopping for things that gave me temporary happiness. Every day, I asked the Lord when He would “release” me from the tiresome daily commute and the unfulfilling jobs. I would have said it was a waste of my valuable time if not for the daily Masses, the good friends I met, and the way I used the time on the train—praying, reading good books, and sewing tapestries.

As I look back, it took many years for Him to answer my prayer—to give me meaningful work within my locality, just fifteen minutes’ drive from home. I had persisted in my prayer, never giving up hope and trust that He would have mercy on me and heed my request.

When I finally said goodbye to city work, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. I was finally free from that daily drudgery. Although I was grateful for the experience, I felt refreshed, looking forward to a more peaceful pace of life. With an ageing body, my mind was slowing down, and my coping mechanisms were becoming more limited.

When I returned to walk down those familiar streets again, it seemed that nothing much had changed—the street beggars were still there; some corners still smelt of urine and vomit; people paced and up down, walking, running or chasing the next train; people queued to order at the restaurants which had proliferated; and retail stores still jostled to display their wares enticingly to loosen wallets. The sound of sirens abounded. Police presence was strong, and I prayed for my daughter, wondering how she was coping with her job protecting city life.

It was all so familiar that it felt like déjà vu, but the only comfortable refuge I found was in St. Patrick’s Cathedral, where I had been a lector at lunchtime Mass, and St. Francis’ where I had knelt before Mother Mary to light a candle on my first arrival in Australia. My fervent prayer for a good husband was answered in three weeks. God knows when things are urgent.

Much-Needed Virtue

The IBelieve website shares this wonderful teaching. The popular saying “patience is a virtue” comes from a poem around 1360. However, even before then the Bible often mentions patience as a valuable quality. Patience is commonly defined as the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. In other words, patience is essentially “waiting with grace.”

Part of being Christian is the ability to accept unfortunate circumstances gracefully while having faith that we will ultimately find resolution in God. In Galatians 5:22, patience is listed as one of the fruits of the Spirit. If patience is a virtue, then waiting is the best (and often most unpleasant) means by which the Holy Spirit grows patience in us. But our culture does not value patience in the same way that God does.

Why be patient? Instant gratification is much more fun! Our increasing ability instantly to satisfy our wants may be taking away the blessing of learning how to wait well. How, then, do we wait “well”? I recommend you read the entire article. Patience is waiting quietly; it is waiting eagerly. Patience is waiting until the end; it is waiting expectantly. Patience is waiting joyfully; it is waiting with grace. But the one thing we shouldn’t wait for and not postpone for another second is acknowledging Jesus as Lord and Savior of our lives. In the twinkle of an eye, we could be called to surrender our life.

Pursuing Patience

Since the Feast of Pentecost 20 years ago, I have been renewed in my faith. I am deeply grateful to the Holy Spirit for giving me the virtue of patience, changing me from a miserable, angry sinner into someone who has the ability to wait for His leading and help. This is the mystery of this gift. You cannot do it alone—you need Divine Grace. I did not turn into a gentle, patient person over night, and every day is a testing ground for me. Patience is said to be the “banana” of the fruits of the Holy Spirit, as it can quickly rot. I continue to be tested, but the Holy Spirit hasn’t let me down. While I was writing this article, I managed to wait on the phone for 4 hours to get an issue resolved!

The world never ceases to beckon me to hurry on. The devil is always trying to lure me into another trap by annoying me until I lose control. My egocentric self is always demanding that I should come first, so I am very much in need of the Holy Spirit to help me to maintain my patience with self-control. However, to truly exercise patience to everyone around us, Saint Francis de Sales tells us that we must first be patient with ourselves. A word of caution though. Patience is not about allowing ourselves to be a victim of abuse or enabling sinful behaviour. But that is a topic for another time, so I ask for your patience.

“The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it.” – Arnold Glasow

Overwhelmed by life’s burdens? Find out how you can heave a sigh of relief

For many years of my marriage, I carried the burden of being married to a spouse who didn’t share my faith. As parents, many of us carry the burdens of our children and family members. But I would say to you, trust in God’s plan, trust in His perfect timing for His divine providence. Psalm 68:18-20 says, “Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.” What should we do with our burdens?

Firstly, don’t despair. When we are discouraged, it is never of the Lord. We know that the Bible tells us in Mathew 6:34, “So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own.” Scripture also says, “Each day has enough trouble of its own.” When we are at peace, it’s of God, but when we are worried, it’s of the devil. There is no worry in Heaven, only love, joy and peace.

My beloved husband, Freddy, developed Alzheimer’s disease in the last eight and a half years of his life. Through this period of living with a husband who had Alzheimer’s, I found that the Lord’s grace was amazing in my life. He gave me the grace not to carry the burden of his illness. This could have destroyed me. I found myself in a position where I had to pray and continually give everything to the Lord, on a moment by moment basis. When you live with someone who has Alzheimer’s life is constantly changing. Every morning when I get up, I go to the Bible. I make it the first fruits of my day. I know that my Jesus already carried every one of our burdens when He died on the Cross for us. He has paid the price for each one of us, and He waits for each of us to appropriate the many blessings that He has purchased for us through His death on the Cross.

Promises That Sustained Me

In that season I learned many lessons. I learned that sometimes God doesn’t want to change our circumstances, but He wants to change your heart through the circumstances that you are going through. That is exactly what happened to me. I learned more in the valleys than I did in the promised land and on the mountain tops. When you face challenging situations, you learn to swim or you flop to the bottom. You learn that God can find a way where there is no way.

I would continually ask the Lord, “Give me the grace like Paul to be content in all circumstances.” In the letter to the Philippians, Paul writes that he has learnt to be content regardless of the circumstances. Then he made this statement, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” We have to know it is the Lord’s strength and not our strength that carries us. We have to trust in the Lord and not depend on our own understanding. We have to cast our burdens onto Him and allow Him to sustain us. When we start to go into worry mode, we just spiral downwards. That’s when we need to come to the Lord and give Him our burdens. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:28, 29) is a fantastic scripture verse that has carried me all through the eight and a half years. That’s a promise! So each of us in faith have to be prepared to throw the whole weight of our worry and anxieties for ourselves and our loved ones onto the Lord.

Mission Possible!

Take a moment now to give to the Lord all those people that you carry in your heart. It might be your spouse, your children, or someone else who has gone astray or is rebellious. Take a leap of faith now and give it all to the Lord because He cares for you. Give to the Lord all those areas where the enemy of your soul has robbed you of your peace. It took twenty-eight long years of waiting before my husband came to know Jesus. I would give him to the Lord all the time. I would say that he is a “testimony-in-the-making,” and I never gave up. God converted him and healed his soul through a dream. God’s timing is so different from ours. Luke 15:7 says, “there will be more rejoicing in Heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.” I can tell you, there was a full-blown party in Heaven when my Freddy converted! The Lord showed me that he was one of my great missions. Who is your great mission? Is it your husband, your wife, son, or daughter? Ask the Lord to touch them and He will grant these prayers.

It’s Never Too Late

My Freddy went home to glory on May 14th, 2017. I know that he is up there now, and he is looking down on me. In Luke 5:32 Jesus says, “I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” So, God’s mercy is FOR sinners, and we are all saved by His grace.

The Lord says in Isaiah 65:1, “I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me; I was found by those who did not seek me. To a nation that did not call on my name, I said, ‘Here am I, here am I.’”

In Saint Faustina’s Diary we read about God’s mercy towards the dying: “I often attend upon the dying and through entreaties obtain trust in God’s mercy for them, and implore God for an abundance of divine grace, which is always victorious. God’s mercy sometimes touches the sinner at the last moment in a wondrous and mysterious way. Outwardly, it seems as if everything were lost, but it is not so. The soul, illuminated by a ray of God’s powerful final grace, turns to God in the last moment with such a power of love that, in an instant, it receives from God forgiveness of sin and punishment, while outwardly it shows no sign either of repentance or of contrition, because souls [at that stage] no longer react to external things. Oh, how beyond comprehension is God’s mercy!” (Paragraph 1698)

Let’s pray: Lord we come to the throne room of grace where we will find grace in time of need. We bring before you the ones who are treasured in our hearts. Grant them the grace of repentance and conversion. Amen.

Yearning to feel God’s love deep in your heart? All you need to do is ask

I heard my son’s truck pull into the driveway. I quickly pushed back tears, wiped my face with my sleeve, and went out into the garage to greet him.

“Hey Mom,” he said with a grin.

“Hey honey.”

“What brings you here this morning?” I asked.

“Dad said I received a package. I’m going to grab it before I head out to the office,” he said.

“Oh, okay,” I replied.

He grabbed the package and I followed him out to his truck.

He gave me a big hug.

“You okay Mom?” he asked.

“I’m okay,” I answered with a shrug.

I turned my face to hide my tears.

“She’s just going through a rough patch. She’ll be alright,” he said gently about his sister.

“Yeah, I know. It’s hard though. It’s just too much sadness. Her sadness is just too tough for me. I don’t know why but from a young age I’ve been surrounded by people struggling with sadness. Is it just my lot in life?”

He raised his eyebrows questioningly.

“Or maybe,” I continued, “there’s something here I need to see.”

“Maybe. I’m here Mom if you need me,” he said.

Haunting Memory

“Depression can be part of a family system,” my therapist said. “You and your daughter are very close, but sometimes relationships can get enmeshed. What I mean is that there need to be boundaries, a healthy separation for growth and independence.”

“I just feel like I’ve worked so hard to make changes but honestly, I can’t bear her sadness,” I replied. “And little things feel so big. Like Easter evening. After dinner, my daughter asked if she could visit her boyfriend. As I watched her pull out of the driveway a wave of dread and panic washed over me. I know her leaving was not about me, but I felt so much shame,” I said.

“Can you remember when you first felt that type of panic and dread?” the therapist asked.

I began sharing the difficult memory that immediately surfaced.

“We were all in my parents’ bedroom,” I said. “Dad was angry. Mom was a wreck. She was holding my baby brother and trying to calm down my dad, but he was too mad. We were getting ready to sell our house to move to a new one. Dad was raging because the house was in a shambles, as he put it.”

“How old were you?”

“About seven,” I said.

“Let’s go back to that room in your memory and do some work,” she said.

As we processed the memory, I discovered I had focused on my parents’ and siblings’ feelings but not my own. When I finally got in touch with what I was feeling, the floodgates opened. It was hard to stop crying; there was just so much sadness.

I had believed everyone’s happiness was my responsibility. When my therapist asked what would have helped me feel safe and cared for in that experience, I realized what I needed but didn’t receive. I took responsibility for the wounded seven-year-old inside me. Even though she had not received what she needed then, the adult me would meet those needs, and dispel the lie that she was responsible for making others happy.

When we’d finished, my therapist said, “I know that was difficult. But I can assure you it will pay off. I’ve seen many parents heal through the struggles of their children.”

Healing Encounter

Shortly after my session, my friend, Anne, called unexpectedly.

“You want to meet me at the healing Mass today?” she asked.

“Sure,” I said.

After Mass, a line formed of people seeking healing prayers. I waited and soon I was ushered to two female spiritual directors.

“What would you like to ask Jesus for?”

“To heal my childhood wounds,” I said.

They began to pray silently over me.

Then one of the women prayed aloud, “Jesus, heal her of the wounds of her childhood. She was just a little girl standing in the middle of all that rage, confusion, and chaos, feeling all alone and desperate for relief. Jesus, we know that she was not alone. We know that You were there with her. And we know that You have always been with her, throughout her life. Thank you, Jesus for her healing and the healing of her family.”

In my mind’s eye I saw Jesus standing next to me. He looked at me intently, with love and compassion. I understood that my parents’ and siblings’ sorrow and pain was never mine to carry, and that Jesus had always been with me, sharing the weight of my sadness and pain. He had orchestrated the exact moment when the hidden places in my heart would be filled with His healing love and mercy.

Silently, I wept.

I walked away in awe. The woman’s prayer perfectly described what I had experienced so long ago. This intimate encounter with Jesus was incredibly healing.

Answered Prayer

I soon realized that my desire to lift others up and meet their needs was, in part, a subconscious desire to meet my own needs and be healed. While I carried the weight of other people’s sadness, I was unaware of my ocean of pain that I had never expressed.

Recently, my daughter told me she felt guilty for her sadness, and that she felt she was a burden to me. I felt horrible. How could she feel that way? But then I understood. She wasn’t a burden, but her sadness was. I had felt pressure to make her better so that I could feel better. And that made her feel guilty.

My healing has brought me relief.

Knowing Jesus is with my daughter, orchestrating her healing, frees me to love her just as she is.

With God’s grace, I will continue to take responsibility for the beautiful life God has given me. I will allow Him to continue healing me so I can be an open vessel for God’s love to flow through.

I once asked a wise counselor, “I know that Jesus is always with me and that I can trust in His goodness to care for me, but will I ever feel it in my heart?”

“Yes, you will,” he said. “He will make it so.”

Amen. So it is.

Sometimes the small things in life can teach us valuable lessons…

A friend recently shared an interesting story. She and her husband were driving on an uncomfortably warm afternoon and decided to turn on the air conditioning, which hadn’t been used all winter. Immediately, a horrible stench filled the car. It was so bad, my friend started gagging. She blurted to her husband, “Quick, turn it off! It smells like something died in here!” He turned off the AC and opened the windows to eliminate the horrible smell.

When they got home, her husband investigated. He started with the air filter, and sure enough, he found a dead mouse nestled inside. Because the mouse had died during the cold winter, there was no foul smell till the Spring thaw. My friend’s husband removed the mouse and its nest, and ran the air conditioning till the putrid smell dissipated.

Ways God Speaks

A story like this makes me think of parables. In the gospels, Jesus often used examples from everyday life to teach the people how to live and to reveal truths about Himself and the Father. Job 33:14 says, “God does speak, sometimes one way, sometimes another, but people do not pay attention to it.” I strive to be a person who pays attention to the Lord, so I make a habit of asking, “Lord, are you trying to teach me something through this? What’s the message here?”

As I reflected on the hidden rodent in my friends’ car and the stench it caused, I thought of how some things in our lives stay hidden, and then suddenly rear up and cause unexpected trouble. Unforgiveness or resentment are good examples. Those emotions, like the decaying rodent, often lie dormant in us without us taking notice. Then one day an emotional switch gets flipped, and the stench comes pouring out. Harboring resentment or unforgiveness or other negative emotions can have serious consequences. They fester and wreak havoc in our minds, our hearts, and in our relationships. Unless we deal with the source, they will cause great damage period.

What’s Inside?

So, how can we find out if there are hidden, stinky “rodents” in our hearts? An excellent method is that of Saint Ignatius of Loyola who advises that we pay attention to the inner movements in our souls, a method he calls the “discernment of spirits.” Ask yourself, “What agitates or unsettles me? What fills me with joy, peace, and contentment?” To discern “spirits” in our lives we first must acknowledge that there are spirits in our lives—good and bad. We have both an Advocate and an enemy. Our Advocate, the Holy Spirit, inspires and guides us to wholeness and peace. The enemy of our souls, Satan, the accuser, is a liar and thief who wants to “steal, kill and destroy” (John 10:10).

Saint Ignatius recommends that we spend time each day in quiet reflection to recognize what is stirring inside us. Invite the Lord to help you reflect and review. “Am I anxious, calm, happy, ill at ease? What is causing these movements? Do I need to act… Forgive someone… Repent of something and go to confession? Do I need to stop complaining and be more grateful?” Paying attention, with God’s help, to these inner movements of the heart, will enable us to identify trouble areas that need attention, so they can’t blindside us at a future time.

My friends took action only after they realized there was something causing a stench. And by dealing quickly with the problem, they were able to enjoy clean, cool air in their car for the rest of the summer. If we take time each day to get quiet with the Lord and ask Him to reveal what might be “off” in our spirits, He will show us and teach us how to handle it. Then the fresh air of the Holy Spirit can waft through us, and bring joy and freedom to our lives and relationships.

What does the Bible think about our current cultural fascination with finding our own voices, setting our own agenda, doing things according to our own lights? (By the way, if you doubt that this attitude is dominant today, I would invite you to watch practically any movie, listen to practically any popular song, or read practically anyone’s latest blog or Facebook posting). Is the Bible for or against this ego-dramatic approach to life? Might I suggest we look at the close of the book of Judges, a text marked by enough murder, mayhem, and miscreancy to put Martin Scorsese or Quentin Tarantino to shame.

After the death of Samson, the last of the judges of Israel, the tribes, we are told, drifted into disunity and commenced to manifest shocking violence to one another. The most remarkable and frankly sickening story, again in a book filled with such stories, concerns the outrage at Gibeah. We hear of a man from Ephraim in the north who had taken a concubine from Bethlehem in the south. When the woman escaped and returned home, the man came after her and took her back into his possession. He then set out with her and came to the town of Gibeah. We are told that “scoundrels” from the city that night surrounded the house. Exactly duplicating the infamous tale from the book of Genesis, the mob shouted to the owner of the place: “Bring out the man who has come into your house, so that we may get intimate with him.” With astonishing moral turpitude, the owner of the abode replied, “Do not commit this terrible crime. Instead, let me bring out my virgin daughter and this man’s concubine. Humiliate them or do whatever you want; but against him do not commit such a terrible crime.” At that, they shoved the concubine outside, and the men, we are blithely informed, “raped her and abused her all night until morning.”

Utterly indifferent to her suffering and humiliation, the man placed her, next morning, on his beast of burden and commenced the journey to Ephraim. When he arrived home, “he got a knife and took hold of the body of the woman, cut her up into twelve pieces, which he then sent throughout the territory of Israel. Was she dead when he found her that morning? Did she die on the way? Did he kill her? We’re not told, which only adds to the horror of the narrative. When the gruesome message was received across the nation of Israel, the elders assembled an army and attacked the city of Gibeah, effecting a general slaughter of the people.

Now, why do I rehearse this awful tale? Though there is a good deal of competition for the distinction, I believe that this gruesome and cruel episode represents the low point of human behavior described in the Bible. We have cruelty, crude physical violence, utter disregard of human dignity, sexual immorality, rape, cooperation with sexual abuse of the worst kind, murder, mutilation, and genocide. As an aside, I am always slightly amused when some Christians primly criticize me for watching, and in some cases recommending, films in which violence and immorality are on vivid display. I wonder, “Have they ever even read the Bible?” If the Bible were depicted honestly in film, the movie would receive at least an “R” rating. One of the great virtues of the Scriptures is that they are brutally honest about human beings and the myriad ways that we go wrong, the thousands of bad paths down which we walk.

Another virtue of the Bible is that its authors know precisely where all this dysfunction comes from. The book of Judges clearly indicates that the moral chaos it describes is a function of the disappearance of anything like moral leadership among the people. When the judges faded away, the law was no longer taught and enforced, and hence the people wandered into appalling behavior. Rudderless and without a captain, the ship simply smashes into the rocks. The final line of the book of Judges sums up the spiritual situation: “In those days there was no king in Israel; everyone did what was right in their own sight.” I would not interpret this necessarily as an endorsement of kings in the political sense, but rather of leadership in the moral sense. A healthy society needs leaders—political, economic, cultural, religious, etc.—who are animated by a keen sense of objective moral value, who have risen above mere subjective self-interest. The scriptural authors knew that the strident assertion of one’s own private prerogatives, so on display today, is fundamentally adolescent and morally catastrophic for any human community. This is why the heroes of the Bible are never those who “find themselves,” but rather those who heed the voice of God and remain obedient to the mission that God has given them.   Mind you, as is often the case, the Bible trades in exaggeration and overstatement in order to get our attention, similar to the method employed by Flannery O’Connor in her macabre stories. So the almost cartoonish violence displayed in Judges is meant as a warning to a society such as ours that is increasingly losing its moral bearings: you might not be there yet, but this is where the road that you have embarked upon is leading you. Next time you find yourself wondering why the world is in such a precarious state, call to mind the final lines of the book of Judges: “Everyone did what was right in their own sight.”

Q – Jesus tells us that we need to “become like little children” to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, but St. Paul tells us that we should be mature Christians (Ephesians 4). Which is it?

A – It is both! But let us examine what Jesus and St. Paul mean, for the virtues of children and of mature believers are different yet complementary.

First, what are the positive characteristics of children? They are innocent and pure, they are joyful, and they love wholeheartedly.

The mother of a seven-year-old boy named Christopher told me of the time she was telling her son the story of St. John Vianney. St. John Vianney was so holy that the devil once appeared to him and told him that if there were three men as holy as he on the earth, the devil’s kingdom would be destroyed. Upon hearing that story, Christopher started to cry. When his mother asked him what was wrong, Christopher said, “I am sad that there has only been one person that holy on earth. I want to be the second!” This child-like wholehearted love is what Jesus calls us to imitate.

Children often laugh because they don’t take themselves too seriously. They can be silly because they are not self-conscious and proud. Jesus wants us to live with that same abandon!

Frequently, a young child will give me a big hug – even if I have never met them before! In their innocence and purity, they can love others unconditionally. This is how we are called to behave. Children don’t judge others by their clothes or looks; they see only a potential friend.

Jesus calls us to be childlike. But we must distinguish between being childlike and being childish, which means displaying the selfishness, ignorance, and fickleness that also characterize children.

St. Paul tells us we should not be children in the faith, but mature men and women in Christ. What does it mean to be mature in Christ? A mature believer has persevered through difficulties, walks in deep intimacy with Christ, and possesses wisdom.

I teach at a Catholic school called Cardinal Kung Academy, named after Cardinal Ignatius Kung. Cardinal Kung was a Chinese bishop who had been arrested by the ruling Communist party in 1955 and imprisoned for over 30 years, many of which were in solitary confinement. After years of imprisonment and torture, the authorities brought him to a packed stadium in Beijing where he was expected to deny the Faith. Instead, he stood up in front of tens of thousands and declared, “Long live Christ the King!” With great affection the people responded, “Long live Bishop Kung!” This infuriated the authorities, who increased their torture of the bishop, but he never abandoned the Faith.

Here is a disciple who persevered through intense suffering, forging spiritual maturity in the harsh crucible of trials and tribulations. After he escaped to the US in 1986, he testified that it was his daily, intimate prayer with Jesus Christ that allowed him to stand firm in faith. Through it all, he came out without any bitterness or anger, but overflowing with wisdom.

So, to follow Christ is to have the beautiful virtues of children –singlehearted, unconditional love; bubbling joy and wonder; innocence and purity – and the tried-and-true perseverance, wisdom, and daily intimacy with the Lord that characterize those who are mature in faith. May we follow Christ living a faith of childlike maturity!

The dramatic account of the Cleansing of the Temple found in chapter 2 of the Gospel of John tells of Jesus going to the Jerusalem temple where He finds merchants selling oxen, sheep, and doves and money changers sitting at their tables. Making a whip out of cords, He drives them out of the temple area, overturns the moneychangers’ tables and orders them to “stop making my Father’s house a marketplace” (v. 16).

Jesus did not strike anyone, but this dramatic action so close to Passover, certainly got the attention of the crowds and sparked a backlash from the religious authorities and from those whose economic interests were being threatened.

Jesus’ behavior in this account challenges us to seek not our own advantages and interests, but the glory of God who is love. Jesus’s bold intervention cleansed the Temple of “junk religion” to make room for real religion. What does junk religion look like today?

Put simply, junk religion is picking and choosing elements of the Catholic Tradition that support our personal agenda while conveniently putting on blinders to those Catholic elements that don’t. We can do all the right things—attend Mass regularly, appreciate good liturgy, give generously, quote scripture and even understand some theology, but if we don’t let the Gospel penetrate to the depth of our hearts, we end up domesticating the Catholic faith and reducing it to “junk religion.” Without that deep commitment, religion becomes less about the Good News and more about oneself and one’s personal ideology—no matter which end of the political spectrum we find ourselves.

The Gospel calls us to embrace the Way of Jesus, which is self-emptying and forgiving. We are called to be nonviolent and to promote justice and goodness. And we need to do those things both in season and out when it is easy and when isn’t. When the going got tough, the Israelites wanted to return to the comfort and security of their old life in Egypt. Like them, we may be tempted to wear religion as a garment that makes a statement about us rather than letting it be a leaven that changes us from within. We must remember that we are instruments of God’s generous and supportive love and be steadfast to our call.

Our ritual and devotional practices will remind us that true adoration of God consists of giving thanks for life and expressing gratitude by sharing our lives with others. If we do that, we will incarnate the risen Christ in the here and now. We will usher peace with justice into our community. In sum, we will be practicing genuine religion, binding ourselves to a God who only wants to love us and be loved in return.