The Path Less Trodden

There is a poetic meditation of an early twentieth-century Greek novelist named Nikos Kazantzakis that I keep on my nightstand when Advent comes around every year.  He pictures Christ as a teenager, watching the people of Israel from a distant hilltop, not yet ready to begin his ministry but acutely, painfully sensitive to the longing and suffering of His people.  The God of Israel is there among them—but they don’t know it yet. I was reading this to my students the other day, as I do every year at the start of Advent, and one of them said to me after class: “I’ll bet that’s how Jesus feels now too.”  I asked him what he meant. He said: “You know, Jesus, sitting there in the tabernacle, and us just walking past like He isn’t even there.” Ever since, I’ve had this new image in my Advent prayers of Jesus, waiting in the Tabernacle, looking out over His people—hearing our groans, our pleas, and our cries. Waiting...   Somehow, this is the way God chooses to come to us. The birth of the Messiah is THE KEY EVENT IN ALL HUMAN HISTORY, and yet, God wanted it to take place ‘so quietly that the world went about its business as if nothing had happened.’ A few shepherds noticed, and so did the magi (and we could even mention Herod, who noticed for all the wrong reasons!). Then, apparently, the whole thing was forgotten. For a time. Somehow…there must be something in the waiting that is good for us. God chooses to wait for us. He chooses to make us wait for Him. And when you think about it in this light, the whole history of salvation becomes a history of waiting.  So, you see, there’s this simultaneous sense of urgency—that we need to answer God’s call and that we need Him to answer our call, and soon. “Answer me, Lord, when I call to you,” the psalmist says. There’s something so brazen about this verse that it’s charming.   There’s an urgency in the Psalms. But there is also this sense that we must learn to be patient and wait—wait in joyful hope—and find God’s answer in the waiting. 

Are you afraid of death? I was too, until I heard of this PhD. As a child, I always found it quite intimidating to attend funerals. I would become distressed as I imagined the deep sorrow encompassing the grieving family members. But with the pandemic, the news of neighbors, relatives, parishioners, and friends passing away led me to take a 180 degree change in the way I approach death. Death feels less scary these days. Now, it seems like a joyful return to the Father's house after having done His will on earth.  A steady rise in the YouTube live streaming of funerals has somehow been a very edifying experience to me. It has helped me understand how uncertain life is. "Nothing is more certain than death, but nothing is more uncertain than the hour of death." Therefore, we ought to be prepared as death will come as a thief in the night. Saint Gregory states that God, for our good, keeps the hour of our death hidden from us, so that we may ever be found prepared for death.  Recently, while reflecting on the last seven words of Jesus, I listened to a preacher speak about the importance of pursuing a “PhD,” which is nothing but “Preparation for a Happy Death.”  When delving deeper into this, I came across a book written by Saint Alphonsus Ligouri titled Preparation for Death. It is a must-read for anyone striving to live a Christian life. It made me realize the fragility of life on earth and how we ought to strive to live for heaven. I would like to share a few important insights which changed my overall perspective about life and death. All worldly glory in our lives will vanish away At the hour of death, all the applause, amusements, and grandeur disappear like a mist. Worldly acclamations lose all their splendor when they are reviewed from one’s death-bed. We see nothing but smoke, dust, vanity, and misery. Therefore, let us refrain from chasing after worldly titles, so that we may gain the eternal crown. The time we have is too short to waste on worldly vanities. The Saints always contemplated death Saint Charles Borromeo kept a skull upon his table so that he could contemplate death. Blessed Juvenal Ancina had this motto written on a skull "What thou art I was once; what I am thou wilt be." Venerable Caesar Baronius had the words, "Remember death!" upon his ring.  True meaning of ‘self-care’ Self-care isn’t about pampering ourselves with a variety of delicacies, clothing, amusements, and sensual enjoyments of the world! The true love for the body consists in treating it with rigor, in refusing it all pleasures which may lead to eternal unhappiness and misery.   Let us visit the cemetery often We must go there not only to pray for the dead, but as Saint Chrysostom says: “We must go to the grave to contemplate dust, ashes, worms...and sigh.”   The corpse first turns yellow, and then black. Afterwards the body is covered with a white, disgusting mold. It then forms a sticky slime, which attracts worms that feed on the flesh. The worms, after having consumed all the flesh, devour one another. In the end, nothing remains but a fetid skeleton, which in the course of time falls to pieces. Behold what man is: he is a little dust on the threshing floor, which is blown away by the wind. That ‘tomorrow’ to go for confession might never come What if today is my last day on earth? If I commit a sin today and decide to reconcile with God tomorrow, what would become of me in eternity? How many poor, departed souls might have been through such regretful episodes? Once Saint Camillus de Lellis remarked, “If all these dead bodies could come back to life, what would they not do to gain eternal life?”  You and I have the opportunity to make changes. What are we doing for our souls?  Our present life is a continual warfare with hell in which we are in constant danger of losing our souls.  What if we are at the point of death now?  Would we not ask God to grant us one more month or one more week in order to make our conscience clear in His sight? But God, in His great mercy, is giving us that time NOW. Let us be grateful to Him, try to atone for sins committed, and use every means to be found in a state of grace. When Sister Death arrives, there will be no time to atone for past sins, for she will come singing–“Make haste, it is now almost time to leave the world ; make haste, what is done, is done.” 

In times of trouble, have you ever thought ‘if only I had help at hand,’ not fully knowing that you do really have a personal cohort to help you out? My daughter’s been asking me why I don’t look like the typical Pole if I am 100% Polish. I never had a good answer until this week, when I learned that some of my ancestors are Goral highlanders. Goral highlanders live in the mountains along the southern border of Poland. They are known for their tenacity, love of freedom, and distinct dress, culture, and music. At this moment, a particular Goral folk song keeps playing over and over in my heart, so much so that I shared with my husband that it is, in fact, calling me back to my home country. Learning that I have Goral ancestry has indeed made my heart soar! The Search for Roots I do believe that there is some desire within each of us to get in touch with our roots. That explains the many genealogy sites and DNA-testing businesses that have popped up recently. Why is that? Perhaps it stems from a need to know that we are part of something greater than ourselves. We long for meaning and connection with those who have gone before us. Discovering our ancestry shows we’re part of a much deeper story. Not only that, but knowing our ancestral roots gives us a sense of identity and solidarity. We all came from somewhere, we belong somewhere, and we are on a journey together. Reflecting on this made me realize how important it is to discover our spiritual heritage, not just our physical one. After all, we humans are body and soul, flesh and spirit. We would greatly benefit from getting to know the Saints who’ve gone before us. Not only should we learn their stories, but we should also get acquainted with them. Finding Connection I have to admit, I haven’t always been very good at the ask-for-the-intercession-of-a-saint practice. This is certainly a new addition to my prayer routine. What woke me up to this reality was this advice from Saint Philip Neri: “The best medicine against spiritual dryness is to place ourselves like beggars in the presence of God and the Saints. And to go like a beggar from one  to another and to ask for spiritual alms with the same insistence as a poor man on the street would ask for alms.”  The first step is to get to know who the Saints are. There are plenty of good resources online. Another way is to read the Bible. There are powerful intercessors in both the Old and New Testaments, and you may relate to one more than the other. Plus, there are countless books on the Saints and their writings. Pray for guidance, and God will lead you to your personal cohort of intercessors. For instance, I have asked Saint David the King for help with my music ministry. Saint Joseph is my go-to when interceding for my husband and for job discernment. I ask for help from Saint John Paul II, Saint Peter, and Saint Pius X when I feel called to pray for the Church. I pray for moms through the intercession of Saint Anne and Saint Monica. When praying for vocations, I sometimes call on Saint Therese and Saint Padre Pio.  The list goes on. Blessed Carlo Acutis is my go-to for tech problems. Saint Jacinta and Saint Francisco teach me about prayer and how to offer up sacrifices better. Saint John the Evangelist helps me grow in contemplation. And I would be negligent to not mention that I often ask for the intercession of my grandparents. They prayed for me while they were on earth, and I know they are praying for me in eternal life. But my all-time favorite intercessor has always been our dearly beloved Blessed Mother. Just a Prayer Away Who we spend time with matters. It shapes us into who we become. There truly is a “cloud of witnesses” surrounding us that we are connected to in a real way (Hebrews 12:1). Let us strive to get to know them better. We can send up simple, heart-felt prayers like, “Saint ____, I would like to get to know you better. Please help me.” We are not meant to do-it-alone in this faith journey. We are being saved as a people group, as the Body of Christ. By staying connected to the Saints, we find both a compass that provides direction and concrete help to travel safely to our Heavenly homeland.  May the Holy Spirit help us get in touch with our spiritual roots so that we can grow into Saints and spend eternity as one glorious family of God!

Objection: “Women who have been raped should be able to abort their fetuses.” Answer: Rape is a horrific crime, and both pro-choice and pro-life people agree on that. Justice needs to be rendered toward the rapist. However, will an abortion help the woman? The results of a 200-participant survey of women who have been victims of sexual assault and had children from it found that it did not help. This is documented in the book called “Victims and Victors: Speaking Out About Their Pregnancies, Abortions, and Children Resulting from Sexual Assault” by Makimaa Sobie Reardon. The study showed that, of those who got pregnant, the women were not the ones interested in getting an abortion. Rather, it was the environment of people telling them to get an abortion. The study found that those women who then went through with an abortion were in counseling more for the abortion than the rape. Rape was an act of violence done to them, but after the abortion, they felt that they were the ones committing the act of violence. The suffering of guilt in these women is totally ignored by the media, and this is a shame. The testimonies of these women can be analyzed more in-depth through organizations such as “Rachel’s Vineyard” and “Silent No More.” After recognizing the statistical evidence, many ask this question: Why compound evil with evil by killing the child? Women deserve compassion and help from this terrible injustice, but why not give the child compassion and help as well? We place ourselves in the shoes of the mother and have compassion for her, but we do not also place ourselves in the shoes of the child. The child is as innocent as the mother. Should that baby be killed because of the crime of the father? That baby can be loved by its mother, and the power of love can overcome anything.

I'd never met him before... and yet he said I saved his life... It was the eve of the 4th of July. Bella, my fifteen-year old daughter and several of her friends were upstairs playing video games. They barreled down the stairs and came into the kitchen where my husband and I were chatting. “Mom, we are all hungry. Can you make some grilled cheese sandwiches for us?” Bella asked. “Sure,” I said. “Randy wants to ask you a question,” Bella said. Randy walked toward the stove. “You’ve been here once before, haven’t you?” I said to him as I grabbed a pan and turned on the stove. “Yes, a month or so ago,” he replied with a huge warm smile. “That’s right. Where are you from?” I asked. “Well my family is from Morocco,” he said. The Trigger Randy had a sweet, kind presence. I wasn’t sure if he went to high school with Bella or if they had met through social media, football games or a party. “Wow, how exotic,” I said with a big grin. “So do you go to Bella’s school?” “No,” he said. “We met this summer on the beach.” “Oh, okay, what’s your question Randy?” “Did you talk my mom out of an abortion when she was pregnant with me?” I was taken completely off-guard. Who is he? Where does he live, I wondered as I stared at him, wracking my brain to recall if I’d had an interaction with his mother long ago. I was certain it couldn’t have been me until I looked at Bella and Randy standing side by side. Suddenly, I recalled an interaction with a young woman when I was pregnant with Bella. “What is your mother’s name?” I asked. “Maryam,” he said. Chills ran down my spine. How on earth did her son end up in my kitchen …and friends with Bella? I looked him in the face. “Yes, I did.” I said. Randy rushed over to me and wrapped his arms around me. He squeezed me tightly. “You saved my life. You saved my life. Thank you. Thank you,” he kept saying. We stood in the kitchen locked in a hug for several minutes. Catch Up I turned to my husband, “Can you believe this?” “No, I can’t,” he said, staring in disbelief. Randy called his mom and filled her in on our conversation. He then handed me the phone. “I asked God to help me find you again and He did! Can you believe Randy and Bella are friends,” Maryam said as her voice cracked with emotion. “I can’t believe any of this Maryam. Truly, I’m overwhelmed,” I said. Before we hung up the phone, we made plans to get together to ‘catch up’ on the last fifteen years of our lives. My husband kept shaking his head. “I remember when you came home that night. I told you were crazy because there was no way you would talk her out of an abortion,” he said. I thought back to that night almost sixteen years ago. It was a Saturday, and I was at dinner with my sisters and some friends. I sat at the head of the table because we were celebrating my fourth pregnancy. Our waitress was a beautiful, elegant dark haired young woman who was also pregnant. A Treasure Within After dinner, the waitress handed me my leftovers and then squatted down beside me and whispered, “I wish I could celebrate my pregnancy too, but I can’t. I have an abortion scheduled this coming Wednesday morning.” I was shocked and saddened. “Why are you having an abortion?” I asked. “I am not married, and in my home country my parents will be exiled from their town and lose their business if anyone finds out their daughter is unmarried with a baby.” “That’s terrible, but how will they know?” “They will know. You don’t understand,” she said. “You’re right, I can’t possibly understand, but what I do know is that God wants you to have this baby, or He wouldn’t have given it to you.” “I am not Christian like you, I am Muslim. I don’t have the same God as you,” she said. “Yes, you do. There is only one God,” I said. “My boyfriend and I are struggling; things are very bad between us.” “I’m sorry you are struggling. I have three other children. When my oldest was diagnosed with a rare and deadly disease early on, we could not imagine that he would still be with us today. And now at 42 I’m pregnant with my fourth child and facing my fourth cesarean section. But despite that, I can tell you that no matter what happens with your boyfriend, and despite your difficult situation, this child will be your treasure, you will see.” “I have no-one, I can’t do this.” “You have me. Give me your number and I will call you in the morning.” I looked at her nametag as she quickly jotted down her cell phone number on my to-go box and we said our goodbyes. I called Maryam the next morning. She explained her financial situation and shared some of the details of her relationship with her boyfriend. I understood why she thought her only way out was an abortion. I couldn’t imagine being in her predicament. I told her about a local pregnancy center and gave her their phone number. Against All Odds The day before her scheduled abortion, I called Maryam again. She shared the amazing news that the pregnancy center was going to help her and that she had cancelled her abortion. We continued to talk off and on throughout our pregnancies, but after our babies were born, we lost contact with each other. I looked at Randy. “Your mom was a beautiful young woman who became pregnant and found herself in a hopeless mess. The night we met, she felt alone, lost, and full of shame. All I did was remind her that God doesn’t build houses of shame, people do. He builds houses of grace, and He wanted to give her an unrepeatable treasure in you. Your mom’s courage to have you against all odds was heroic. I’m grateful I was one of the small pieces God brought together through a chance encounter.” I turned to Bella. “And you were an important part of it too, because Maryam would never have confided in me if I wasn’t pregnant too.” Bella’s beautiful almond-shaped eyes opened wide as she smiled with pride. Loving Maryam and listening to her that night required very little of me. After all, she wasn’t my unmarried, pregnant daughter. I wondered if I would have reacted the same if it had been my daughter? My interaction with Maryam challenges me to be a mom who responds to the mistakes and failings of my children with grace and belief in their goodness rather than shame and judgment. I want to be the person they come to when they are in trouble so I can remind them that they are not their mistakes. I want them to know that I have made many messes in my life through my mistakes, failings and sins, but through them I have experienced the redeeming and transforming love of God, and they can too.

Wondering how to respond to those comments about your witness to life? Here are 3 best comebacks just for you! Just last week, I parked our large van out the front of the local shop. After quickly grabbing a few grocery items, I returned to find my children conversing with the occupants of the vehicle parked next to us—a father and his young son. In a small town such as ours, there are always tenuous links to other people. In this case, the young boy in the utility had attended preschool with our fourth child and wanted to say hello. The door to our van was opened to accommodate such a greeting. I could see the father’s mind boggling as he took in the number of children in my vehicle—six—and then noticed the now unmistakable bump announcing the expectation of number seven. His comment was one of those common ones large families encounter with annoying regularity: “You should get a TV.” He added an, “or something”, to his comment and an awkward laugh that only proved that he had recognised the rudeness of his comment. But it was too late to take it back. Smiling a very forced smile, we made our goodbyes and headed home. This was not the first time I had encountered such comments, and it would not be the last. The truth of the matter is that the size of my family is somehow confronting to a large proportion of society. “They just can’t understand,” says a friend, and mum of six, “what joy we experience in being blessed with a large family.” She is right. Being blessed with a large family is something very different to adhering to the 2.1 children per family and, from the outside, appears very counter cultural. Of course, it is counter cultural, but it should not be. Not all of us are called to have a ‘large’ family but we are called to be open to life. For some, this does mean a large family, but for others it means a small family, dealing with and encountering pregnancy and infant loss, struggles with fertility, fostering, or adoption. Regardless of the size or make-up of our family, we can all witness to the profound blessing of being open to life. 1. Radiate Joy The news of a new pregnancy should be a time of great joy. There are some times and some situations, when this news might be more subdued. Regardless, a new life should always be celebrated. When you encounter others, whether they share your open-tolife outlook or not, let them see the joy that this announcement carries with it for you. Joy is infectious—and something often sadly lacking in our world today. Maybe they still cannot understand why you would want to have your fourth, sixth, seventh or eleventh child, but they should still be able to leave their encounter with you knowing that you are delighted to be expecting another bundle of joy. 2. Respond with humor, not anger There are any number of rejoinders one could give to those clichéd phrases: “Don’t you have a TV?” or, “Don’t you have your hands full?” and so on. But some are probably not charitable. We are not going to change hearts with our angry response. Or, let us be honest, with whatever response we give. But, perhaps we can sow a seed. A mother within my acquaintance likes to tell the following story of one mother’s response to the following questions: “Why do you have so many children? Or, you’re having another one?” The cheeky response: “We’ll keep going until we get one we like!” Or, alternatively: “We’re just making sure we have plenty of children to look after us in our old age.” Maybe these quips are not for everyone. But humor can be a great tool in responding to the more puzzled queries of the more secular among us. Saint John Cantius encourages us to: “Fight all error, but do it with good humour, patience, kindness, and love. Harshness will damage your own soul and spoil the best cause.” Maybe adding a dose of humor will be just the thing. 3. Witness without words Although I have been on the receiving end of less than ideal comments about our family size, I have also been on the receiving end of the most beautiful ones too. One older lady in particular began with the clichéd: “Haven’t you got your hands full?” and added, “and aren’t you blessed?” Of course she is right. We are incredibly blessed and those who know us, know that our openness to life extends much further than our own home. We have had people come to us for help, guidance and support in the face of unplanned pregnancies, difficult post-birth periods, undertaking fostering or adoption, and the general ups and downs of parenting. Often acquaintances who are not Catholic seek our counsel. By the virtue of our family size, we somehow broadcast our sincere belief that all lives are precious. This has been an unintended consequence of having a large brood. In and of itself, it has been an immense blessing for us to support others. Without deliberately intending to, we are following the advice of Saint Francis of Assisi: “Preach the Gospel at all times. When necessary, use words.” So, although you can expect impertinent comments, that does not mean that you should tone down your own enthusiasm when sharing the news of a pregnancy—whether it’s yours or anyone else’s. Respond with joy and humor, continuing to witness to the preciousness and dignity of all human life.

“I, Joey, take you Brigid, as my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love and honor you until one of us becomes unhappy.” Wait. What?! As funny as it sounds, the sad truth is that some people leave their spouse because they become unhappy. Undoubtedly, there are numerous causes of divorce. I would like to focus on one problem I believe is underneath many marriages that split: consciously or not, we expect our spouse and marriage to make us perfectly happy. In “Three to Get Married,” Venerable Fulton J Sheen wrote: “In all human love it must be realized that every man promises a woman, and every woman promises a man, that which only God alone can give, namely, perfect happiness. One of the reasons why so many marriages are shipwrecked is because as the young couple leaves the altar, they fail to realize that human feelings wain and the enthusiasm of the honeymoon is not the same as the more solid happiness of enduring human love … In the first moments of human love, one does not see the little hidden deformities which later on appear.” In his fatherly way, Saint John Paul II often tried to shatter the illusion in young people that marriage will only bring endless romance and happiness. He knew if we make an idol out of anything, it will eventually leave us empty. Only God can satisfy the ache in our hearts for perfect love and happiness. Yet we often look to another person for the love that only God can give us. IF NOT HAPPINESS, WHAT ’S THE PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE? “Marriage does not exist to make you happy; marriage exists to make you holy,” said Jason Evert. In other words, marriage exists to make you a saint; to transform you into the best version of yourself and draw you closer to God. Of course, marriage also exists for the procreation and education of children. Simply put, it means being open to life, parenting well, and helping your children become saints. (See “Catechism of the Catholic Church,” 1601). God is love. The central mission of our lives is to perfectly reflect His image. Therefore, the more authentically we love, the more we become like God and, consequently, the more we become ourselves. However, to love like God does, it is necessary to deny ourselves and choose what is best for those we love. That will inevitably lead to suffering. Jesus on the cross is the perfect example. Saint Clare of Assisi knew this when she said, “Love that cannot suffer is not worthy of that name.” When the struggles come, do not become discouraged. Rely on God’s grace via the Sacraments. Ask Our Lady for assistance. Find a good spiritual director to guide you. Remember: You were made for greatness. Did you think it would come easy? Nothing worth having comes easy. No Olympic athlete ever won gold by watching Netflix or quitting when sacrifice was required. He or she endured gruelling training just to win a piece of metal. Why should you expect any less sacrifice if you want a great marriage? Does that mean marriage will be miserable? No! Marriage will be wonderful and difficult, joyful and frustrating, beautiful and challenging, just like life. The real measure of a successful marriage is not how happy the couple feels but rather how virtuous and holy each spouse becomes. As you discern and head toward marriage, here are five ideas to purify your idea of marriage. 1. Make God the center of your life and ask Him to purify your idea of marriage. 2. Remember: Marriage does not exist to make you happy; it exists to make you a saint and holiness is the path to authentic joy. 3. Set realistic expectations for marriage by spending time with good families and holy couples. 4. Unhappiness in your marriage is not a sign that you chose the wrong vocation, married the wrong person, or that you should leave your spouse. 5. Do not despair. Even amid struggles, a great marriage is possible with God’s grace and your hard work.

Satan is the father of lies, clever yet deceitful, hating God and all God loves. He leads the charge in the spiritual battle that exists for our souls, opposing God at every turn and trying to turn us against Him. yet, God has given us a glimpse of Satan’s playbook in the first three chapters of Genesis so we can better know our enemy and recognize some of the ways he has continued attacking humanity since the beginning. The Sacredness of Creation and dignity of man In the beginning, God created all things good. God blessed the living creatures (Genesis 1:22) as well as man (1:28), revealing the sacredness of all life. To man, God gave dominion over the living things (1:26f), demonstrating the hierarchy of life. man was also a unique creation in the material world as he was made in the image and likeness of God (1:26), being given the gifts of reason and free will. God breathed His own life into man (2:7), further elevating the dignity of the human person and bestowing into man His own divine life. Man and Woman—For marriage and Family In the creation narrative, the only time God says something “is not good” was when man was alone. God revealed man was created to be a social creature but the relationship with animals was not adequate. The relief for man’s solitude was another human and particularly a woman (Genesis 2:18f). To be in a relationship with this woman, man had to be willing to give up everything for her, even giving his own life in loving protection. With His consent, God formed woman from the side of man—not from his head to be superior to him, nor from his feet to be subjugated to him (2:21-24). They then formed an indissoluble covenant with each other (becoming one flesh). This relationship was not one of pride, selfishness, egotism, possession or subjection. It was to revolve around love, not lust (2:25). Made for Communion with God In the Garden, God walked with Adam and Eve (3:8), revealing a harmonious friendship. This relationship with God was what man was ultimately made for, but God wanted this communion to continue for all eternity. For man to fulfill his purpose, he only needed to respond to God’s love with love. Wanting to illuminate the path for man to achieve this, God gave man a few laws, not acting as a dictator but as a loving Father (2:18). These commands were: ◗ Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth, subdue it and have dominion over it (1:28). ◗ Man was to guard and labor in the Garden of Eden (2:15). ◗ They were given access to everything in the Garden of eden with one exception; they were not to eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil or else they would die (2:16-17; 3:2-3). Losing Trust and the Slippery Slope of Sin Genesis then shows how Satan cleverly and deceptively entered into the life of this first man and woman (3:1), hoping to lead them to doubt God and His loving plan (3:5). In their interaction, the devil immediately distorts God’s truths (3:1), implying God is a liar (3:4-5). Satan insinuated God was restricting their access to goodness, pleasure, power, wisdom and the fullness of life (3:4-6). Satan distorts the nature of God and the truth of who God created man to be. Satan wants them to revolt so he tries to convince Adam and eve that God is a despot. Satan prods the pride, selfishness, greed and envy within man, telling them there is something they deserve to have (to be like God) that God is withholding from them (3:5). Satan also demonstrates that part of his plan of attack is to destroy their relationship with each other. First, he humiliates Adam by the sheer fact of his presence in the garden because this indicates a failure in Adam to lay down his life in loving protection of eve. Then, even though both Adam and eve are present in the garden, the serpent isolates them by speaking only to eve (3:1). Satan also tries to manipulate Adam and eve by convincing them there are no negative consequences to their actions. The sly serpent tells them, despite God’s warning, if they eat of the forbidden tree, “you will not die.” No, rather “your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil” (3:4). Satan, having rejected God, personally knows with certitude what happens when you turn away from God, yet this truth must remain hidden in order achieve his goal. Instead, he veils his lies with the appearance of compassion and concern giving the illusions: God lies. There is no truth. Satan, not God, has the means to our happiness. Adam and Eve freely succumb to the temptations of the devil. But the impact of Satan’s war does not stop with this act. Immediately after they sin, their guilt causes them to hide from God or, as in the Hebrew chaba, to withdraw from God (3:10). Rather than repent, they refuse to accept responsibility for their disobedience, merely blaming one another (3:12-13). Finally, prior to the fall, Adam and eve did not bear children as God had commanded so this encounter with Satan impacts all their descendants—though not inheriting the guilt of the first sin, all humanity will experience the consequences. Deceptive Snares Then and Now Our first parents fell into Satan’s traps but we continue to hear echoes of these same deceptions in our lives today. Just as Satan distorted truth about God from the beginning, lies and deception continue: ◗ “There is no God. We are here by chance.” ◗ “Religion consoles and comforts people but it is not based on truth.” ◗ “Even if there is a God, He cannot be good and loving since there is so much suffering and evil.” ◗ “I believe in God but He has done nothing for me so why should I listen to Him?” Just as in the Garden Satan attacked who it was God created man to be and the dignity of human life, this is still under attack everywhere: ◗ “Humanity is depraved, wretched, unredeemable.” ◗ “Dog, cow, man, we are all the same. A creature’s level of consciousness or his usefulness to society determines its value; therefore, pigs and chickens are more valuable than a human fetus or newborn.” ◗ “Pregnancy is an inconvenience, a burden, a mistake.” ◗ The fetus is simply a clump of cells.” ◗ “A woman has a right to do what she wants with her body since the child in the womb has no rights of its own.” ◗ “A person should have the right to end his or her life if he or she feels his or her situation is too burdensome.” ◗ “Once a person is merely a burden on society, we have the right to end that person’s life.” As with Adam and eve, the reality that it is God who is the source of our goodness and happiness has been rejected in favor of a counterfeit idea that we are to take what we desire and find happiness apart from God: ◗ “Seize the day. Do what makes you happy.” ◗ “What is true for me may not be true for you but let’s live and let live.” ◗ “If you hold to universal moral truths, declaring what is right and wrong for all, you are an intolerant bigot.” ◗ “Don’t impose your views on me.” ◗ “God’s moral laws are examples of imposed tyranny, you do not need to succumb to this.” ◗ “You do not need God or any church to do be happy.” We hear a constant attack on marriage with propaganda denying the complementarity of the sexes: ◗ “If you marry, divorce is always an option if it does not work out.” ◗ “Why get married at all when I can enjoy the benefits without the commitment?” ◗ “It is about me and my body. Why not explore the different options? There should be no limits on satisfying my needs.” ◗ “There is no such thing as complementarity of the sexes—it is just whatever feels right in my marital relationships.” ◗ “There is no such thing as being born male and female, you get to decide for yourself.” Since the beginning, Satan has been promoting a denial of the reality of sin. As we see in the Garden, this often leads to a refusal to repent: ◗ “Sin is when I go against my own personal values. You cannot decide for me what is and is not sin.” ◗ “You are an intolerant bigot for even suggesting what I did was wrong since it is only wrong in your eyes.” ◗ “A loving God would want me to be happy. He would not condemn me for living however I see fit to achieve this.” ◗ “God is a loving Father. I cannot imagine He created a place like hell but, if He did, my merciful Father would not send me there.” ◗ “That wasn’t my fault.” Knowing our Enemy We see the fingerprint of Satan throughout history and all around us today. He is powerful and cunning, always trying to convince us to doubt and lose trust in God like with our first parents. Father Vincent miceli, in his book “The Antichrist,” writes, “The intention of Satan is to make a physical and spiritual wreckage of all God’s creation.” We must be aware that Satan always mocks God, breathes contempt on anything sacred and ridicules all God has revealed. The father of lies wants us to believe he will lead us to true happiness more than any teachings of Christ. Father Miceli describes how Satan, with the help of men and his demons, has “succeeded in contradicting scripture, denying dogma, popularizing immorality.” He will try to deceive us in subtle ways, hoping to lead us further and further away from God, so we can never become presumptuous or let down our guard. Wanting to help us take care to not fall into Satan’s snares, God has given us many warnings and insights into Satan’s playbook, with one example being in these first three chapters of Genesis. As we become more aware of our enemy, we then must heed the words of Saint Pope Leo the Great, in his Sermon 39 on Lent (III): … let us prepare our souls for fighting with temptations and understand that the more zealous we are for our salvation, the more determined must be the assaults of our opponents. But ‘stronger is He that is in us than he that is against us’ (1 John 4:4), and through Him are we powerful in whose strength we rely: because it was for this that the Lord allowed Himself to be tempted by the tempter, that we might be taught by His example as well as fortified by His aid … He fought then, therefore, that we too might fight thereafter: He conquered that we too might likewise conquer. For there are no works of power, dearly-beloved, without the trials of temptations, there is no faith without proof, no contest without a foe, no victory without conflict. This life of ours is in the midst of snares, in the midst of battles; if we do not wish to be deceived, we must watch: if we want to overcome, we must fight.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for the pro-life cause is to just "smile and walk out into the world." I have been to marches; I have prayed at clinics. I have written articles and letters to the editor. I have ten children. Yet, the most effective witness I ever gave to the pro-life cause was when I was not trying to do anything other than find a way to not be lonely. Back in 1993, I became a mother and I felt the walls of the world encompassing me. So I went out seeking connections and adult conversations and anything to help distinguish one day from the next as I worked to recover from pregnancy and adjusted to being a full-time mom. One day, I saw the receptionist at our apartment management company and it looked like she had been crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me, “You.” I did not understand, but she invited me in to sit with her. It turned out she had just broken up with her boyfriend and found out afterward that she was pregnant. Two girlfriends already offered to drive her to get an abortion, but she said seeing my son every day, holding him as he smiled and kicked, she could not. She just could not. Her reaction to me actually echoed my own reaction to someone else: I had become a stay-at-home mom because I had seen a baby boy in the daycare and witnessed his smiles. I could not not be with my son, I just could not. That unknown baby’s smiles led to my staying home and being desperately lonely … and that led to sharing my son’s smiles with this pregnant receptionist. I hugged her and we cried over her worries. We talked about what she could do. I had never counseled anyone before, but we created a plan. It involved calling a doctor to get checked, calling her folks to get support and calling her boyfriend to let him know. I did not know what would happen but told her we would be there for her regardless. She gave my son a kiss and dried her eyes. I left thinking that the loneliness of being a new stay-at-home mother was nothing compared to hers. It rained hard for the next week, so I did not get out for my daily walk. The few times I made it by the office, she was not there. I worried. However, the next time I saw her she threw open the door and hugged me. Everyone had rallied for her—her boyfriend and her parents. Now instead of the loneliness, there was a family fully engaged and fired-up alive, eagerly anticipating the child’s birth. They married and before I moved away, they had had a son and a daughter. My son’s smiles allowed another two children’s smiles to be known to the world and a whole host of smiles for the mom, the dad and the grandparents. It was not marching or protesting or lobbying that won a heart in a crisis pregnancy. It was presence. While we march for all those who were not given the opportunity of life or who were wounded by abortion (fathers, mothers, siblings and everyone else) and while we hope for a defunding of Planned Parenthood, we should recognize the other part of being pro-life: We have to be more pro-life and pro-living than protesting. Smile and walk out into the world and know that God will put you where you can be most effective.

Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your home, your children like young olive plants around your table (Psalm 128:3). Ben and I chose this as the Responsorial Psalm for our Nuptial Mass nearly ten years ago. We imagined a fruitful life in every way, especially when it came to our dream of having a large family. Neither of us grew up in a particularly large family. I only have one younger sibling, a brother, and Ben has two younger siblings. Both of our mothers are only children. As we planned our wedding day, we discussed how lots of babies would fulfill our hopes of growing our home and expanding the family tree. Ben said, “At least four kids” when asked by Father Joe during our FOCUS questionnaire. I was resigned to the number God had planned for us, certain that it could not be fewer than what Ben envisioned. But, as every faithful Catholic knows, God’s plans are often not what we expect. Yes, they are always greater than our hopes and dreams, but they are difficult to comprehend, let alone believe, when we are in the midst of such silent pain as infertility. When people see photos of our family, they do not realize that the two beautiful girls God has given us were not easily brought into being. After many bouts of appointments with our Creighton Fertility Care Practitioner and NaPRO doctor, I had to undergo several exams—pelvic ultrasounds, blood tests, new medications, more tests, wait several months, more tests and more self-administered shots. The roller coaster of infertility was excruciating. All people see are our smiles. They do not realize the many months I spent alone, sobbing, not knowing why it was so difficult for us to have children. The longing for more only lingers in my heart as we wait—again—to see what God has planned for us. It is a struggle to share one’s journey of infertility, especially when one already has children, because the world does not understand that pain. The message we hear is, “You already have two children. Isn’t that enough?” Infertility is a type of grief over the child who never was. Ben and I mourned, at different times, over a phantom child—a yearning, a vision—rather than losing a child to miscarriage, stillbirth or other reasons (all of which are equally painful to infertility). When a couple chooses to follow God’s plan for building a family, it is always a way of abdicating self-will in favor of God’s will. This means always remaining open to children, saying yes when God may say no or not yet. Ben and I have come to see why the Church has such a beautiful vision of fertility and reproduction, because we live it every day. We have never used any kind of contraception and we have never pursued artificial means of achieving a pregnancy. Because we have allowed God to lead—even and especially when we were ready for another baby and had to wait indefinitely—we grew to profoundly respect God’s designs in creating another human life. With both of my pregnancies, I was keenly aware of God’s grand and special purpose for our girls. Though I carried them in my womb, I always knew first and foremost they were God’s children. Because I do not conceive children easily or immediately, I also grew in humility to defer to God’s perfect timing rather than my own. We must realize that, despite the fact that the world either views children as a burden or a commodity, they are neither. They are gifts. Children are not a right of every couple, which is a hard fact to accept. This means that we cannot force conception in ways that separate the unitive and procreative act of conjugal love between husband and wife. Many infertile couples will never speak of their grief because it is so private and tough to articulate. We do not offer this as a point of conversation because we know it is awkward and maybe too revealing. Yet infertility is a persistent, prevailing type of chronic grief that is always lingering somewhere in one’s mind and heart. The ache for a child—or more children—that is never fulfilled may be met with cries and pleas of desperation to God. We tend to ask “why” rather than merely surrender our fertility to God, always with a willing and open heart, always saying, “Yes, Lord. I give you everything. I trust you.” Even if we never have biological children, God may be calling some of us to foster care or adoption. If neither of these happen, perhaps God is calling us to be fruitful in other ways—as spiritual mothers and fathers. Those who struggle with infertility may experience it once, twice, three times or more. Some may have one child or more children or perhaps none at all, but the constant, nagging cross of infertility is knowing that one is barren in some way. When we can all accept that we are barren (figuratively or literally) and that this type of poverty is, in fact, a blessing, perhaps we will begin to view infertility differently. It will not alleviate the pain or compensate for the lack of pattering feet in our homes, but it will give us new hope and a different perspective. I consider all of the natural talents and spiritual charisms God has given me—writing, speaking, teaching, encouraging, nurturing and listening—and I realize that these are ways He has called me to be fruitful in the excruciating times of waiting and wondering if another baby will one day grace our home and family. We are all called to be fruitful vines. It is impossible to foresee the reasons why God may not bless our lives with children, but we can look to the ways He asks us to give of ourselves and our bodies in a mystical sense that will bear spiritual fruit in the hearts of those we encounter. Continue to say yes to God, and He will bring about immense good from that gift of trust.