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Dec 30, 2016 1275 Kendra Tierney
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When There Is So Much to Fear

I used to be a worrier. Not so much about big, important world events, but I was constantly worried about control of little stuff like traffic and slow checkout lines, who was thinking what, and all the little minutia. What changed it for me was reading “Mother Angelica’s Little Book of Life Lessons and Everyday Spirituality” by Raymond Arroyo. It is not even really a biography, just a collection of quotes and insights. Reading it, I was floored by her faith and trust. How she really did trust God to take care of her and how that gave her an incredible boldness in all her endeavors. I wanted that freedom and confidence she had.

I realized, that if I was worried, what that really meant was that I did not trust that God was really there, involved in the details of my life. So I started praying for the gift of faith and hope and trust.

It happened that we were going on a trip to Italy shortly thereafter and I got to put my new resolution to the test. We were supposed to board a train from Rome to Venice and wanted to squeeze in one last church visit to Saint Paul Outside the Walls, and we cut it too close. My dad had stayed at the train station to watch the luggage and had loaded it all onto the train. My mom jumped on board, but Jim and I had the kids and they closed the doors right in front of us and the train pulled away. And there we were. I had the train tickets in hand, bought in the United States, non-refundable and non-changeable, and that is it. Husband, thank God, and four little kids and a pregnant belly, but no suitcases, no passports, nothing.

And in that moment, I knew that I would normally panic. But somehow, I did not. Somehow I knew that however it went down, it would be okay.

And it was.

They did not have to, but they put us on the next train, and they radioed the train we missed to tell them that my parents did in fact have tickets, and they bought us a pizza. It was lovely.

And now, I can really, honestly, say that I am not worried about stuff.

It is not that I think bad things could not happen to me. I know that they could. We have just taken a risk on a crazy huge fixer upper house. It could be a dream or it could be a disaster. I understand that. But I also know that no matter what happens with money or houses, I am a child of God and I can be a Christian in any circumstance.

If I imagine the worst, the absolute worst scenarios. . .my husband dies and we become destitute, I get wrongfully arrested and my children are taken from me, I have to watch one of them suffer through a long illness, they ALL die in a car accident. Clearly, there is no human way that I would be able to handle any of those things. But when I read the lives of the saints and I read how they faced terrible tragedy and kept their faith and got through it with God’s help, I know the same would have to be true for me. I do not understand HOW, but I believe it would be true.

I know that as long as my priorities are right, I can find joy and serve God no matter what happens to me, no matter what happens to the world.

So, how can I really be scared of anything in life? And, for a Catholic, death is nothing to fear at all. (As long as I get myself to confession on a regular basis.)

As for kids, I firmly believe that a troubled world is all the more reason to keep having babies. They bring our family so much joy.

We were sitting in the living room the night after the terrorist attacks in Paris, saying our family rosary. The big kids were being good and sitting in a seat as per our family rules, but we often let the two and four year olds just run around as long as they are not too noisy. And the two of them came up with this game, rolling over each other on the carpet. It was just the cutest, most hilarious thing. And the rest of us are all trying to continue saying the rosary through our shoulder-shaking laughter. It was a really beautiful moment. And it made me so grateful to have this font of joy in my home, at a sad time in the world.

And it is my hope that each of these little people will grow up and go out into the world and make it a little better. A little less dark.

Read the lives of the saints. Ask God to increase your faith. If you feel attacked by despair, say the Saint Michael prayer. Remember Saint Pio of Pietrelcina’s advice to Pray, Hope, and Don’t Worry. Listen to Jesus and Saint John Paul II who said again and again, “Be not afraid.” And remember, when it seems like you cannot do it yourself, that is because you cannot. But God can.

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Kendra Tierney

Kendra Tierney (www.CatholicAllYear.com) lives in Los Angeles, California, where her interests include blogging, homeschooling, looking after her eight children, and fixing up a hundred-year-old house. Her book, “A Little Book About Confession for Children,” is available where books are sold.

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